9 months old, breast fed and waking 5 times+ a night

[~*Niadalla*~]

Hi,
I am sleep deprived.
What' s new I hear you all ask? Lol
Ok, my problem? I have a 9 month old breastfed child, who will NOT EVER sleep through the night.
I figure, it's gotta stop one day. I am a pretty laid back person, and like to let things go with the flow, to a certain extent. Problem is, DP and I are starting to feel the effects of 18 months ( I couldn't sleep much when I was pregnant either) worth of sleep deprivation. We are pushing through, it is in no way affecting our relationship, DS is one VERY happy little boy. It doesn't seem to harm him in anyway, just me a little. lol
I have been thinking of late, that maybe I could start weaning him off these middle of the night feeds he seems to be having. He will have one really good feed, around 3am, but any other feeds between his bedtime of 8pm, and waking up in the morning (anywhere from 6am-9am, as I try to keep him in bed as LONG as possible), are pretty pitiful. He will suck pretty poorly, only for a few mins, and then doze off.

now, we try just giving him his dummy back, a pat on the bum, and even to the extent of having to pick him up cos he's VERY cranky. When he is picked up, we try to calm him down, and then put him back. He settles for a min, we jump back into bed, and then DS starts crying again. So it's on the boob. I will admit sometimes, on particularly difficult evenings, it's straight on the boob, without trying other things, and sometimes that leads to co sleeping.

He has also been teething since he was 3 months old, now has 6 teeth with what looks like 4 more very very close to cutting. He is superb during the day. The teething doesn't seem to worry him then, moreso at night time.

So I guess what I am asking ( in a very roundabout way), is should I start to wean DS off the boobie at night? Replace his night feeds with Water? He eats like a horse. 3 meals a day plus snacks, drinks alot of water during the day as well as 4-5 breastfeeds (depending on what time we get up in the morning).

Or should I just continue in teh hopes that he decides to start sleeping through the night sooner rather than later?

[JadeLil]

I hear you.... it is like you were reading my mind!! I have the same issue wth my 10 month old, he is bottle fed and boy do I know how it feels when they keep dozing off and then wake 2-5minutes later crying after you have tried everything (settling, nappy change, wrapping, dummy etc). I too am up for any ideas as some days my eyes feel like they are hanging out of my head. Some nights I put it down to teething and possible growth spurts. I can't offer any tips as I am in a similar situation. Thanks for posting this thread though

[Beach Mama]

I was in a very similar situation and went to a sleep school at 6 mths after a few months of it all. They basically said to cut the night feeds, to be consistent and to comfort in other ways, but the key really is consistency.

I didn't feel like I could do this until she was close to 8 mths old, but I found out I was pg and went back to work and that was when we decided to cut the feeds at night. She cried, but we cuddled and patted and comforted but once I had decided to do it she never got booby at night again, because I really didn't want her to be confused. My DH would go in as well, she would cry even harder because she knew she wasn't getting me but she did get the message that we love her, we comforted but we didn't feed at night. The SS say it can take up to 3 weeks, but it took us about 5-6 nights for her to start sleeping better, to the point that she would stir and we would go in and re-tuck her in, give her a little bum pat and sssshhhh and she was off to sleep. Now she occasionally wakes early in the evening - around 11ish, and I will go in and give her a cuddle and rock her for a few minutes and she will drop off easily. She now sleeps from around 7 -6.

It is is difficult, you will need your partners support, but if you decide to comfort in other ways, other than offering booby, all I can say is to be firm and be consistent or he might get confused.
Good luck with it all - I know how tough it is.

[Sugar83]

I know this may be irrelevant but my DS still doesnt sleep through the night and he is nearly 2. We tried everything to try and get him to sleep better but he is still waking sometimes up to 5-6 times a night crying and we have to go in and comfort him. It wasnt until about 4 months ago that we found out why he was doing this..........he has sleep apnea. Because he stops breathing in his sleep his little body makes him wake up so he starts breathing again and this is what is distressing him. I know that is is probably not the case with your DS but thought i would send you some :hugs: as i know just what your going through. I hope that you get some well deserved rest soon

[BhoysGirl]

Nicky,

This is of no real use to you, but can I say that it's great to read that other people have the same kind of problems with sleep that I'm having. It's so easy to feel that you're alone & that everyone else's baby has been sleeping through since they were 8 weeks old (especially if you have my mother). So I'm glad you posted it!

My understanding is that by 9 months we should definitely be able to drop feeds overnight, particularly if they're comfort feeds, as they don't physically need them, it's just an emotional need. But this is the problem for me - I can deal with being physically tough, but the emotions (and the need for comfort) are much harder for me to be tough about. So I'm still kind of psyching myself up for it, and my current excuse is that I'm waiting for his 4th tooth to cut through (anytime now), then I'll try....

[~*Niadalla*~]

Oh Jan, I've had probs with Lach's sleeping from the start. I know what you mean about feeling alone. Especially when you hear people complaining about their bubs waking once a night and how annoying it is for them not to have a good nights rest.
I don't know if it's just the teeth. Lach's 7th 8th 9th and 10th teeth are just under the surface, ready to pop through.
Unfortunately, he has come down with a bad cold today, so we're cosleeping and breastfeeding every 10 mins if I have to( not really every 10 mins, but whatever he wants, he gets until he's better).

I think I may begin just using water, and comforting him, when he's over this cold/flu thing. It's time he got a bit more sleep of a night too. I am not so worried about myself, it's more him, and the effects this may have on him later down the track. Like, if we don't get his sleeping organised now, he could be bad with it for years to come.
We are also planning to TTC#2 very soon, so I will be buggered anyway, without the added restlessness of Lach.

I hope you find something that works for you. Will keep you updated as to how we go

[Smoke Jaguar]

it's just an emotional need

Not quite sure, still, why an emotional need is a 'just'? I know that DS gets more comfort out of one of his numerous night feeds than he needs the nutritional input at that hour and I haven't been able to take the step where it's a negative - it's just a 'thing' that is part of our nights, and is obviously just as important to him as nutritional value. Actually, he probably understands the comfort factor and wouldn't comprehend the nutritional factor at all. Comfort and survival are so intertwined, aren't they? Coming to terms with it and accepting it makes it a non-issue for us. That doesn't make me 'perfect', just less stressed about it
I think the main difference, though, between us and other people whose kids don't attain that mythical 'sleeping through the night' is that, among other things in my approach to parenting, we sleep in the same bed at night. It takes so much stress out of it because none of us really wake for those feeds (I'm talking between 2 and 4-5 feeds a night). Staying up to finish assignments still ranks as the number one cause in my life of sleep deprivation.
My DP may not exactly be an 'earth daddy', though he does understand the path of least resistance, and is consequently very happy with the arrangement. It doesn't interfere with our relationship or our intimacy. Anyway, 'co-sleeping' is an intuitive choice for us that I have since found in also supported by science
Anyway, just to let you know that it is perfectly normal for a baby of 9 months to be night feeding - there is no 'should' either way about it. My 22.5 month old doesn't appear to be anywhere near night weaning yet. On the upside, he IS using a potty and the toilet - there's always a balance!
ETA: water is even less 'satisfying' than breastmilk. If you're not sleeping in the same bed, then won't you still have to get up to him? I'm just thinking it would be just as easy to give the breastfeed if you're getting up out of bed, as it would to find the kitchen, a glass, get water and bring it back? You might find that if he does like the feed, his body will want another 'drink' sooner.

[MantaRay]

My second DS needed a night feed until about 12 months. Sometimes he'd wake for a feed, fall asleep not long in, and then wake for another feed later. Maybe this is why your little one is waking more often. Do you give a dream feed? I found if I dream fed Tom before I went to bed, he usually would only wake up for one feed instead of waking twice. It's still not through the night I know, but much more maangeable. Then around 12 months he started sleeping through every night, then I dropped the dream feed, and he still sleeps through.

Of course now the 3yo is often waking in the night....One day I'll be able to sleep through every night!!