African babies don't cry - I call bull****

[onthefly]

You know... I never took it literally. All babies cry sometimes

[forshelby]

Some babies are just screamers. If you met my DS, you would all smile and nod knowingly. His temperament is not something I can alter, no matter how much I cuddle, co-sleep, demand feed (formula though............... pause for gasps lol) and do everything I can to calm him. I rarely bathe alone. I rarely sleep alone all night. There's always at least an hour of co-sleeping cuddles every night.

I think there's way too much judgement out there. And this woman was right about one thing - those who follow attachment/gentle parenting and have calm babies are lucky. Nothing more. I know it's not my fault my DS is a screamer, but I find the smugness of some individuals really gets to me. Like the JP I asked to sign some documents for me. I felt like I was in the principal's office. She lectured me (because DS was crying and I was trying to focus on the business at hand) and said "If you just love him enough he won't cry. All he needs is love." I wanted to get up and throat-slam her to the floor. Was she seriously suggesting that my baby was crying because I don't love him enough?! Little does she know, I went through hell to birth him. Little does she know, I've only JUST spotted the light at the end of the tunnel. Little does she know, my journey to and through motherhood has not been easy. Still she continued to judge. "My son's wife had a miscarriage recently. They're devastated. It's so sad. You are so blessed, and so lucky." I was gobsmacked. For a moment I felt sorry for her, because she had no idea of my history......... and was about to receive a face-full of abuse. I sat for a few moments, while she continued to carry on about how blessed I am, and how I've never had to deal with that heartache..... when I lost it. I looked her right in the eye and the words came flying out of my mouth like bullets. "They aren't the only ones to experience a loss. I miscarried my first baby." I hoped that would stop her. But no. "Oh but you're ok now." She said. I asked her to define ok. "Well, you had another baby, so everything's ok now". I teared up, and shook my head. She had no idea. I disengaged from the conversation at that point, and when we were done, made a complaint to her superior. Not surprisingly, this was not the first time she'd ambushed a young mother with her inappropriate comments and 'advice'.

The point of my story is that people should keep their mouths shut unless they know an individuals history/circumstances. And there is no magical solution to every baby's problems. There is no parenting utopia. There is no right answer. And what's right for me one day, might not be the next. Articles which suggest otherwise are simply un-helpful and a waste of time. I could be spending that time sleeping since I've been up half the night nurturing my baby. Am I a good mother now? Can I look down on others now like so many 'perfect mothers' do?

The others are right. All babies cry. All of them. *sigh*

[Smoke Jaguar]

I never took it literally, either! I took it more as babies aren't left to cry themselves to quietness and weren't expected to self-soothe, made to wait 3 hours to be fed etc.
Somehow it makes people feel better to believe that somewhere, there exists perfection!

[Lolpigs]

my baby is a screamer too that had a hard time getting to sleep during the day, I've been told that I'm spoiling her, I shoudl let her CIO, I am creating "rods for my back" I've ignored it all and just do what she needs. Tresillian says " after 20mins of sefl setting in the cot do whatever it takes to get her to sleep"

Good enough for me. I agree there is no perfect parenting world. Just babies that are high demand or not.

[meow]

Tresillian says " after 20mins of sefl setting in the cot do whatever it takes to get her to sleep"

Crazy huh? Since the science shows brain wiring has been affected after 5 mins of crying without a response.

I never took those things literally either- more that these babies only have to make a peep and they are fed because they are always worn or cosleeping so they are right with their mumma.

I HATE going places with baby in the car seat and he cries. It is so damn unnatural and I always think of those blissful bubbas in africa with no cars and just their mumma & a sling.

[Fleur]

I never took it literally, either! I took it more as babies aren't left to cry themselves to quietness and weren't expected to self-soothe, made to wait 3 hours to be fed etc.

Agreed. All babies cry, it's how they communicate their needs.

I can see though, how that article might give false expectations of a perfectly happy baby who never cries for no reason... and some babies are more disposed to crying than others. So if you've done everything 'right' (and TBH, probably half killed yourself in the process given all the conflicting advice out there) what is left to do when your baby still cries?

[Lolpigs]

Oh tresillian dont support CIO if bubs starts to get upset you are to gO in immediately and calm,

[RhiChiChi]

I think the power of a mothers intuition is highly underrated. I agree with Fleur - all babies cry, some cry more than others for whatever reason and ya know like some of the OP said, some won't stop crying no matter what you do.

forshelby, ((hugs)) she sounds like a right *beep* (can't post those words)

[Smoke Jaguar]

I HATE going places with baby in the car seat and he cries. It is so damn unnatural and I always think of those blissful bubbas in africa with no cars and just their mumma & a sling.

Oh, I feel the same!!

Agreed. All babies cry, it's how they communicate their needs.

They do communicate needs before the crying, as the crying is a last resort as a mama is sorting out her bilingual skills
I was told I was spoiling my first child by wearing him, co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand and attending to him before he cried. He still cried and he was a bit more maintenance than my second. I did exactly the same things with her and was told exactly the same thing about rods for my back yaddiyaddah and she didn't have to be sling worn nearly as long during the day, and went longer between feeds (not 3 hours, but more than hourly or less!) and would fall asleep when I had laid her down on the bed and gone to organise myself (I'd turn around and be shocked that she'd done it without me! Didn't happen very often ). Now, I've got a 5.5yo boy who happily rides his bike down our road, calling out behind him that he'll be careful of snakes, and a 2yo girl who walks on on fallen logs in creeks maintaining great balance, both of them throw their arms around me and both of them are widely loved wherever they go. Spoilt? If that's the criteria, I'll take it and run
Happy babies. Sometimes (read: often) I'd get the signals wrong and I'd have a crying baby till I adjusted some circuits and wiggled some leads, and clearly, they're not broken because of it

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Dunno Maya - my DS was always a "talker" so went for crying as an early option. Some babies do, despite the books saying they go for body language first. DS also refused to babysign, he just used babble that I had to decode.

But my nearly-5-year-old is also confident and self-assured, has his own likes and dislikes, is fairly well-adjusted (considering who his parents are!) and is very, very huggy and kissy. In fact, when he's a bit too exploratory for me at the supermarket, I can lure him into the child seat by pointing out he's in front of me and we can cuddle the whole way around. But not widely-loved because he's "too high maintainance" and has "a strong will". Neither of which are a problem for me, but clearly cause other people seeing our relationship.