Thanks so much for the advice ladies, I was beginning to feel like such an ogre. Will definitely try to change how I am wording things and see if that helps. Need to find some more immediate things we can do or take away from her if she continues. We tended to use threats like "you can't go to the park/beach tomorrow" which just seemed to make things worse as not only did she continue the unwanted activity but also cried and demanded to go to the beach or park now. I have certainly fantasised about throwing out toys and always thought I was so bad for thinking it, maybe it is not so bad after all.

She is so much like her daddy though, rational talk or commands do not work with him when you want him to stop something, even he needs yelling at as he just refuses to listen.