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Thread: Consistency

  1. #1
    Melinda Guest

    Question Consistency

    Does anyone else struggle with their partner/husband being consistent in their parenting?

    We seem to have this battle a lot. Whilst DH and I agree on our approach to parenting and have gone over many many different situations/scenarios and how we will approach them and what strategies we will try, putting them into practice seems to be another issue altogether. I find that I am the one who is largely doing the work on that front, and thankfully I see a lot of results for it in that I don't battle with Jacob over certain things as he accepts what I tell him (well not all the time LOL ), but sadly because DH is at work and not the one at home, when he is at home he wants Jacob to be happy and gives in a lot. So as a result, I see Jacob and DH battling over issues that Jacob and I don't battle over, or if we do, they aren't as frequent and are generally short-lived IYKWIM?

    We were just talking about this tonight and we were talking about the hopes and dreams we have for Jacob and how important it is to be consistent so that Jacob understands that we both have the same approach, and how currently DH isn't being consistent and Jacob will therefore misbehave for him because he knows that if he does, DH eventually gives him what he wants (I should point out this is on certain things, not everything - largely it seems to be a food-related issue where Jacob wants a biscuit or refuses to eat dinner and DH sets about worrying over him not eating and offering him different things whereas I just leave it as I figure he's not hungry and the next meal time is only a matter of a couple of hours away, not next week!)

    It's just so interesting to watch Jacob at work - he will get really cranky with DH trying to get him to give him what he wants, but won't even bother me over the issue as he knows that I won't give in, i.e. he knows that when I say "no" it means "no". It seems that where DH is concerned, "no" really means "yes" and he plays on that IYKWIM?

    DH is good with other things in that he is consistent with them, e.g. if Jacob throws food or toys or draws where he shouldn't be drawing or otherwise misbehaves, he always gives him a warning and an explanation and tells him what will happen next, e.g. the toy will be taken away, and then if the same behaviour follows, then he follows through with what he has said he will do. But it just seems that where this is food-based he can't handle all the screeching and things that follow - and I guess the thing is, the screeching has started because he has given in previously IYKWIM? So it's kind of created a vicious cycle for him. Obviously DH doesn't enjoy this situation and finds it upsetting, but is also finding it hard to take the consistent approach that we had decided on in this regard as in his words "when I'm home I just want Jacob to be happy". Obviously we both want that, but surely if he doesn't make a stand on it now, it will only extend to other behaviours as he gets older??

    Sorry, I've really gone on there......but I'd be interested to hear other people's stories about this and whether they too struggle with being consistent. I've had conversations with friends who have also said similar things, so I thought I'd bring it up here too.....


  2. #2

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    Both DH and I struggle with consistency, poor Maggie must get so confused at times. I do think though that I am more consistent than DH. He is very quick to say, "forget the bath and put her to bed, she is very tired", but I refuse to. Our night time routine may not work all the time, but it seems to be getting better and I don't want to mess with it.

    It took a lot of convincing to stop DH from messing with the night time routine in other ways, he was very big on wanting to go to the supermarket around her bed time. A number of nights of her very cranky and not going to sleep after one of these trips finally got him to stop that.

    We are now beginning to start with the "no" issues, so it will be interesting to see how he goes with that!

  3. #3

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    Andrew is pretty good now.......but it did take a while. We debated it a lot, and he finally realised that life is simp;ly easier, in the long run, for everyone, if he and I complete the same consistant approach.......

    I think his gut reaction is to "give in" to Olivia, but he knows its a quick fix that just drags out a "stage" and that makes ME crabby, so not really worth it in the end.

    It took a long while for him to "get it" though........which was frustrating for me and Olivia.

    He is actually "stricter" automatically with Charlie........I don't know if that is through experience or the fact that his "expectations" of Charlie are higher with them both being male..........(I do have to admit, my expectations are higher of Olivia because she is a female like me.......)

  4. #4

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    ah ha! Mel I actually had a good laugh reading this... guess what? We are having issues over this very thing over here. DH just hates thinking that his time at home has to be spent discipling...and he & Matilda are at ends with each other more nights than not. Often it is when I am most tired and desperately need a break & he says "go lay down" then something happens & the two of them clash big time. And everytime they clash its over something that would never happen if it were me & Matilda.

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