Continually deteriorating sleep habits in 4 month old

[mje]

I'm looking for some help for gentle parenting ways for dealing with my four and a half month old's deteriorating sleep patterns. I think i have been following gentle parenting techniques since she was born (without being aware of such a thing until i came to these forums and sleep books looking for help!). We always responded immediately to her cries, fed on demand (1-3 times per night usually) and put her down for a sleep when sleepy. Until a few weeks ago, she has always been a very settled baby, and a 'good' sleeper who (with the assistance of the dummy) could mostly self-settle in her cot. When she had trouble settling we would cuddle her until she was droopy eyed and she would go off to sleep on her own. Over the last few weeks she has been gradually needing more and more assistance to sleep and yet her sleep has been getting worse and worse. Starting with needing to be cuddled to sleep every night (with the rest of the night as normal), then only having catnaps during the day unless cuddled, then only catnaps even when being cuddled and now we have reached waking up every hour during the night and not going back to sleep even after a feed and spending hours crying during the night. We tried bringing her in with us after the first wake, but that didnt improve things. When we hit rock bottom I took away the dummy, but that hasnt made her any better or worse. I've read loads of sleep books but just end up more confused. We have a 'sleep school' here but i know they practice 'modified controlled comforting' ala the sleep right sleep tight method and I'm not sure thats for me. I cant stomach letting her cry, but we all need sleep. At the moment she is probaby getting only 2 hours sleep during the day and somewhere between 6 and 8 hours at night with hours and hours of crying. As a last resort I am trying to be consistent about settling her in her cot, with me in the room comforting her until she falls asleep. This can take anywhere between 15 minutes and an hour of crying (last night it was 2 hours). I have tried it for 2 nights but so far no improvement and I'm so worried about the effect all this crying is having on her. I can handle it during the night when i have the support of my husband but it is so hard during the day. Any suggestions from experienced mothers out there?

[monnie]

Hi

So sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment.

My little boy went through something very similar around 4 months. He had been sleeping fantastically and then hit 4 months and everything deteriorated.

He was sleeping for 2 hours at a time, waking up for a feed and struggling to get back to sleep without lots of help from me.

It is really tough...and like you we had always used gentle techniques.

I guess, after a while, what I realised, that it was just a phase that he was going through. He was so much more aware now and therefore didn't just 'fall asleep' like he had been. I ended up doing alot more feeds at night (this seemed to be the only thing that helped) and he would settle quicker and get back to sleep (for 2 hours!), until next time.

But after awhile, this got really exhausting too. I ended up ringing a sleep school for advice. They were actually really good. They suggested that I put a mattress in his room for 3 nights and sleep there. At any slight awakening, to go to him and try and settle him before he awakes fully.

We did that...and it did work. His sleep is still not as good as it was when he was 2-4 months (he's now 7.5 months), but certainly we are at the stage that we can all function during the day.

Also...during the day, we used a cradle swing for him to sleep in. That seemed to help hugely!

So...not any miraculous suggestions from me, sorry...but hang in there...it's only a stage...(that's what I kept saying to myself to keep myself sane!)

Take care!

[stillhoping]

we also went through the same at 4 months. DS was a great night sleeper from 3 weeks waking twice a night only. Around 4 months he went to waking 4-6 times and sometimes being up for 1.5 hours crying. It does pass, hang in there and be consistent. We didn't change anything. DS stayed in his dark room, stayed in his cot, was picked up for cuddles and to calm down, as soon as he was calm, he was put back in his cot and we tried to settle him in there. Was it after his 4 month injections that this all happened?

Good luck, it is so hard. We still have trouble with DS napping during the day and doing one sleep cycle. He is pretty much impossible to resettle after his nap as well.

[Artechim]

This happened to us at around 3.5months. Can't offer any advice because it is still happening. I haven't slept longer than two hours straight for 3.5months. The only way I can survive is to have him in bed with me so I don't need to get up to him, can just feed him back to sleep. I have tried patting etc but he just gets louder until he gets fed.

During the day I have to feed him to sleep and he will wake after 1-2 sleep cycles and I have to feed him again to get him to resettle.

Hope that you find something that works for you.

[Carrie]

I am going through the same with my 4 month old and yes it has been since he had his immunisations...when will it end?

[Snacks]

Natty went through the same change around 4 months. I think it's a common time for this to happen.
The main bit of advice I'd like to offer is don't worry about the books. I totally agree that they are just confusing!
Choose a technique that you're comfortable with and stick with it. (We stuck with settling in the cot, patting, 'shhh'-ing and if she got really upset, a cuddle, re-wrap and back in the cot again.)
Can you feed her to sleep?
Will she co-sleep?
What about a rocker or stroller during the day?
Good luck with it. I know exactly where you're coming from.

[MummyPig]

Hi MJE

I had been going to post almost exactly the same thing when I saw your thread!

Our bub is now 21 weeks and at about 17 weeks she started to be a really bad sleeper, which coincided with some sore gums. She firstly would wake a million times a night (it did feel like that anyway!) at the end of every sleep cycle and I'd have to reinsert her dummy. We were so desperate for sleep we tried to get rid of the dummy, thinking that was the problem, but things just got worse. Now she won't sleep during the day without a fight of an hour or more, even if we catch her before she gets too tired, won't go to sleep at night without the same and wakes every sleep cycle all night, needing booby.

No needles at 4 mths (we're from the UK so they were done at 12 weeks) so not that, but other than sore gums we decided probably needed more food. Giving her solids has helped her stay asleep for longer at night, but still waking 1 or 2 times for booby. We co-sleep part of the night if she gets up too often as I find standing around in her room when I'm exhausting just makes me annoyed with her even more and that doesn't help anyone.

Might be worth a try if you're not already co-sleeping, as at least you'll get some sleep...? Also, co-sleeping can help in other ways as you are more attuned to the baby and your sleep cycles will begin to match. Means you will start to wake slightly just as she is and can comfort her before she wakes fully. It def helped when she was really bad, as I could help her latch on then go back to sleep

Wish I could help with the daytime sleeps but that's where we are really struggling! Prob is, if they don't get proper sleep at the right times (ie not to close to bedtime!) during the day, then their sleep just goes to pot completely.

It's great to see that so many others have had or are having the exact same problem at the same time. I'd thought I was the only one and was convinced I was screwing everything up, but now I know it's not just me!

Will check in later MJE to see how you're doing and if you manage to conquer the day sleeps so I can try out your solutions - good luck!

PS - what is the 'wonder week'?

[paradise lost]

I went through the same thing and it coincided with me leaving XP so i got no respite - hard work!

For me, i was BFing, so i just co-slept and let DD feed whenever she woke and tried really hard to ignore how often that was. So i had no idea if she woke me twice or 8 times, if that makes sense. I know it sounds weird but that SOOOO helped me! Not "counting" wakings in the night helped stop me counting my woes the next day. I also tried to nap with her mid-morning, or at least lie down and feed her. It meant we both got to lie down for a period and have a rest. By the time she was 5 months she could find the nipple and latch on herself so as long as i kept her close she was no bother at night.

Things improved drastically when she was about 6 months, when she was able to roll and began eating some solid food. It wasn't the food itself i think, but reaching the developmental stage of needing it. That combined with the extra activity of rolling about during the day seemed to use her energy really well and she began sleeping again.

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Bx

[*PinkLilly*]

I really feel for you all. I have had the same problem here, though my DD is younger than 4 months. She went from sleeping through to waking at least 6 times a night and crying during the day. Turns out that she has reflux and is now on medication for it. Since then, she has gone back to sleeping from 7/8 till 4/5 with just one 'reinsertion of the dummy' at 3 (like clockwork ).

Just something to think about...