dealing with the I want / don't want / want it's.....

[2CheekyMonkeys]

If just give a warning that once the decision is made it isn't changing and then stick to your guns.

[milly5]

HI ladies, thanks for your replies.

I do realise I need to just make her take her choice, and I do *try* to... (the baked dinner / gravy episode was a bit of an extreme example - I initially thought that I had seasoned the gravy too much and then DH wasn't aware that I had already been through it, and I do think she was playing us off against each other a bit, but I digress...)

How do I deal with the tantrum immediately after (in my sleep deprived state late last night, I realised I left out half of what I wanted to originally post). When I do say no / you chose A / tough cookies (not that I say that, but ykwim), we have a wailing and I mean WAILING tantrum afterwards with the sobbing and tears (OK not always that bad, but at least half the time) and the arms held out with a request for "cuddle" (most of the time).
On the one had, I dont want to be refusing a cuddle when she asks for one, but on the other hand I feel like I am rewarding the tantrum and the preceeding behaviour.
Is it best to ignore this tantrum or soothe it? I have tried both options and neither of them feels very successful.

and the I want / don't want scenario I struggle with most is the cuddle at bed time ....
do you want me to tuck you in and give you a cuddle
no
ok, so I pat her hand and wave 'night, then after I have left the room is a cry for a cuddle, so I go in to give her a cuddle and then she rolls away saying no, so I leave and then we start up with "cuddle!" again. If I say no, we have a huge tantrum which results in not going off to sleep or we wake DD2.

I have tried warning her when I ask her something, saying no more changing, is that what you want, but I do wonder sometimes if it is all beyond her comprehension??

ANyway, suck it up, stick to my guns, got that. Just need advice on how to deal with the tantrum please!

[RhiChiChi]

With meals maybe more snacks, can you put out a few choices of fruit (ie: apple and orange on a larger plate/platter) and let her take what she wants on her own plate? That way if she cracks it you can point out that SHE chose it not she told you them changed her mind? iYKWIM? I'd probably even consider that with gravy. Leave it off and if she wants it, she can (with help) put it on herself. It sounds like she is trying to assert some independence??

Tantrums, well I'd ignore as much as possible and carry on doing something else with no attention given. if she wants a cuddle, I'd tell her to calm down first then happy to give a cuddle. My DD was the same at this age and I think it is a communication/developmental thing. They can comprehend but just can't verbalized fully yet. This behavior will pass.

Bedtime has been an issue for us with DD from about 18 mths. We had to put the foot down and it was usual bed routine with cuddles. If you refuse cuddles then that is it, no other choice and too bad. Granted we did it when DD was older because we persevered with her changing her mind but it prolonged bedtime and fueled the behaviour.