Like Raven I've had 3 good sleepers - my first screamed before her body was out (it was so bizarre!) & I rocked and patted & fed & drove & cried & put her in the cot& ran down the back yard as I thought I would go insane if I had to hear her scream any more... I couldnmt shower or wee or do anything without screaming or her attatched to me. Until she was at least 2 but it did continue for longer.
I gentle parented and I gentle parent (I have in moments of fear or frustraion smacked but not as a general tool) still. Three slept like they were on sleeping tablets! Immy is a shocking sleeper, but not as bad as Ruby. Having said that Immy will sleep in sometimes something Ruby would never do... So if Immy has arough night she often doesn't wake up until late which gives me a break.
It really is tough darling & there is no solution other than to put a foot in front of the other... Make sure if you can to get some respite - I do know how wearing it is...
Is it worth it? Well only you can decide that one. For me it's the best way for me and mine..
I am very lucky that DD is a fabbo sleeper (though I do like to claim some credit for it ) ... interesting enough Ianna, DD was crying before she was out of me too - it really was VERY bizarre, DP still talks about it.
I have my gentle parenting frustrations with other things though, mostly discipline. I am often at a bit of a loss because it doesn't matter how consistent I am, DD often does her own thing and takes absolutely no notice of me. She is just a very, very determined little girl who has no fear. I have had strangers come up to me at the park and tell me, "wow, I thought mine was a daredevil but yours is one out of the box."
I just think kids are different - I see this from my Mothers Group - and what works on one may not work on another. I can't see that the mums at MG are doing anything different to what I'm doing it's just that their kids are more placid and do what they're told. They will come and sit with their mum after playing for 15 minutes whereas DD keeps going for 2 hours non-stop and will then kick and scream when we finally leave. On my bad days, it gets to me. But I'm lucky that DP has already brought up a child and he assures me that it's not my imagination and that DD IS full-on. Part of the reason that we're considering a tree change so we can have a massive backyard and she can run off more energy .
I don't find it disheartening, cause I can see it's workign for us. It's not working in that "all-important metric" sleeping, but in the person my son is becoming and the relationship we share.
I think it's natural to doubt ourselves as parents, though, so I do understand wondering if maybe, if I did something differently, would it be better? I do remember considering, in desperation, whether I should leave him to cry (or perhaps, whether I had the strength to go to him once again). It really felt so wrong though, no matter my sheer exhaustion I just couldn't do it.
oh it's sooo good knowing others with babies of similar ages are exhausted too and their babies not sleeping much at night either!! DD won't sleep longer than 3hrs it's sooooo frustrating I really cannot remember the last time we all slept longer than 3-4hrs in a row.... but I just keep thinking we will get there.... we have to right?
It does completely SUCK when you hear of others who's babies are sleeping 7-8hrs in a row or whatever, EVERY night and you think "so when will it be my turn for some sleep??" but who knows maybe they used some CC or CIO to get their baby to that level? In which case I coulnd't do that....
It's amazing how we survive on such little sleep hey.
YEP! Sometimes when the mums come to mother's group and their babies have slept 12 hours and they have actually had a chance to put make-up on and wash their hair, then yes. I wish my baby slept, but not enough to let her cry. And then some days I think I'm doing it all wrong anyway because no matter what I do, rocking, cuddling, feeding etc, she still cries to sleep anyway!
Anyway, DD's first word is "Mum-mum" so can I complain?? (Said first at 3am one morning after numerous wake-ups - I'm guessing as a survival mechanism?? )
yep me too.
Only for me it's not the sleep thing. I've done it before with a rubbish sleeper and it worked ok so the second one, while harder, I know it will get better.
It's the whole discipline/behaviour management that I have trouble with.
I have all the conviction in the world and I truely believe in it....but DH and I are at odds with parenting. He doesn't believe in it at all. He smacks - without warning, he yells, he taunts and then gets cross when she reacts, he doesn't listen to her if he can't be bothered.....how do I combat that?
I've tried explaining and it just ends up in the biggest blues. He won't read anything or research anything. If he thinks that's the way it's done then that's the way it's done.
It is affecting my children.....
Sorry that was a ramble but I really do understand the feeling.
No, I don't. DS's sleeping troubles were mostly down to pain, and if he wakes now it's illness or temperature. He knew night from day pretty much from birth and slept at night, waking for feeds (or comforting from pain).
I find parenting the way I want to enjoyable. Not easy. But I have no guilt or worries, I'm doing what's right for us. I like to babywear, to comfort an upset child, to talk things through, to play, to laugh, to do chores together, to cuddle up at night, to be woken up with a kiss and "I love you Mammy, I love you very much" (even if he spent all night in his bed, he comes through for a cuddle first thing).
DS isn't perfect, far from it. But he told Mum about his exciting day last night: "I saw *cousin*. I like *cousin*. We played together. We played in my house. *Cousin* liked my trains too." How nice! He sees this little boy twice a year, and loves to share his new toys and his favourite toys.
His idea of an argument is "I love Daddy." If I say that I love Daddy too, he gets cross. "No, Mammy, I love Daddy. I love DADDY. I LOVE DADDY. You no love Daddy; I love Daddy. You cross now." I'm not cross, I just shouted back that I love Daddy, volume equating to amount of love to DS for some reason.
When Mum tries to force DS to do something he doesn't want to do, he tries to sit her down. When he finally gets her sat down, he explains to her what's going on. "I no a big boy. I a little baby. I want to be little baby. A little baby who wears nappies." (Mum has this idea he should be toilet trained by now... DS doesn't!) How much nicer than having a tantrum or being bullied! (I'm so glad I don't trantrum, don't reward tantrums and do listen to DS!)
I remember thinking mybe I should cio etc cause DS1 wouldnt sleep...but after all my hard work he began sleeping through and in his own bed...I am so glad I trusted my insctincts and stayed a gentle parent.
I know what you mean! I'm sure most parents who do "gentle parenting" feel the same way!! I know I do.
I think like another poster said, you either have a baby who likes sleep or a baby who doesn't like sleep!
My DD was great between 4mths-7mths then something happened!!
We co-sleep just to get sleep and yes some days it is sooo frustrating and I wish she'd just stay in her cot all night (in our room) but she just wants mummy and daddy close by to her and that's okay.... one day she'll outgrow it.
I couldn't imagine trying harsh parenting methods on our little girl... it's too damaging for them and us! And it wouldn't feel right! Babies were born to be loved, not left to cry after all.
Olive I have had similar thoughts many times since DS was about 6 months old. And I have also thought like Heaven - is it because we gentle parent that DS isn't a good sleeper? But I also agree with Raven and others, I think he just isn't a good sleeper and no technique or parenting philosophy will change that. His dad kind of sucks at sleeping too some of the time whereas I used to sleep for 8-10 hours every night. I think I am finding it harder to understand or at times empathise with DS not sleeping because I'm a GREAT sleeper, I like my sleep, I find it hard not to resent having it so broken every night.
I have also wondered if this is the universes way of teaching me to be more patient, more accepting and to suvive on broken sleep for so long.
You're doing a fantastic job mate. I hope you are able to get yourself a break soon. In my sane moments I feel quite proud of how we're raising DS and how well I'm doing with him not sleeping longer than 4-5 hours at a time on a good night. Yesterday he only had 2 40min day sleeps all day and then wouldn't go down at his normal time so I feel your pain. I think you should be feeling really proud of yourself too. This isn't easy. I hold onto the brief periods he had at 7 and 8 months that were longer stretches overnight as evidence that he can do it, and he will do it again at some point. It's hard to run a marathon when you don't know how long it goes for. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I think of parenting as a long-term project. LOL. Gentle parenting might not always pay the short-term benefits (e.g. they stop whatever 'naughty' thing they are doing the first time you ask because otherwise they get a smack) but it WILL pay the long-term benefits. They will grow into secure, loving, respectful, confident people. That is what we want from DS even if he is very strong-willed right now!
well im having a bad week and im feeling disheartened again with gentle parenting but i know it will pay off, jsut doesnt feel that way today. just needed to vent
sometimes i feel so conflicted about it. for us it's pretty much all about sleep at the momen, esp with DS still being so young. i don't want him to CIO or use CC with him but i also don't see how his sleep is ever going to improve - he shows no signs of ever sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. not that i think CIO or CC would necessarily solve the frequent wakings either.
argh, that doesn't sound quite right but i really just wanted to say that i understand where you're coming from.
i think though, that in the end, you have to parent in a way that feels right to you. so even if other ways may get faster results, you wouldn't feel comfy doing things that way.
Just wanted to add that even though i am having quite serious issues with DD ATM at least the lines of communication are still open. She hasn't quite resorted to giving us the silent treatment in the classic sulky teen way. I never told my mother anything as a teen... because I didn't trust her... my DD is stuffing up, but at least we are able to talk about it. It all comes back to maintaining TRUST.
I think this is the main focus - the long term benefits. You want your child to feel confident, trusting of you and gain independence in their own time.
I was getting really 'over it' when DS was 12 months, he was only waking once by then, but it didn't seem to be for any reason and then all of a sudden..... he stopped. He has done this sort of thing right the way through, just when I start to get really 'over it' the tables turn and it is no longer an issue. Then we are on to the next thing....
But looking back, I wouldn't change any of the way I have parented and I will continue to parent this way with my next bub. I have seen the positive changes in my DS over time, and I really feel that this is the most important basis of our relationship. That love and trust foundation that is being carefully laid piece by piece. Your instinct and intuition is by far the best parenting guidance for you and you should never go down the road with something that doesn't sit well with your beliefs.
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) ... interesting enough Ianna, DD was crying before she was out of me too - it really was VERY bizarre, DP still talks about it.
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yep me too. 
but I really do understand the feeling.
but i know it will pay off, jsut doesnt feel that way today. just needed to vent
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