do you sometimes find gentle parenting disheartening?

[MummyNaomi]

I agree, sometimes I wonder if its all worth it, but usually when I think this my LO will remind me why gentle parenting is worth it with a returned cuddle

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers??

To give you hope - Yes!! - although it only took 8.5 months for us hahahaha! I've tried CC once, didn't work and it left DS and myself very upset, so the gentle approach is definately worth it and if I had a dollar for every time I get told what a happy little man I have I'd be a very rich Mummy - and I sincerely believe a lot of it is because of our parenting style (and DS's temperament CERTAINLY plays a big part too). But anyhoo, DS has been sleeping 7pm - 6am since NYs, so gentle parenting and sleeping can definately go hand in hand! I've certainly put in many middle of the night cuddles, feeds, rocking - you name it Anyway now that I have said all this you know I will have jinxed myself and DS will wake tonight LOL

I've heard all the cliches re our parenting techniques - "You're spoiling him" (when picking up a 2 week old crying baby , "He's manipulating you" (again responding to a crying baby), "Crying exercised their lungs" - WTF? And then the same people have told me what a wonderful happy baby I have months later........!!!

I TOTALLY agree that at times its bloody tiring but it sure pays dividends when those cuddles are given in return

I think the biggest gift you can give your child is to teach them love, confidence, respect give them a healthy start - and IMO gentle parenting is the best way to teach these things. When our babies grow into well adjusted loving adults, perhaps it will be then when we will see how worthwhile it all was

Naomi x

[Shanti]

MummyNaomi - congrats on your little man sleeping through for you now.... that's great... lucky thing hope he stays like that for you from now on.

We too have put in lots of cuddles, rocking, patting, MANY wake ups thru the nights for feeds etc (gentle parenting style) but I think at the end of the day, our babies will only sleep through all night for us when they are developmentally ready to.... I've been reading that alot lately and it does make sense.... I guess like all the milestones they all do it when they are all ready to.
It just sucks waiting.....

[Kailani]

I feel horrible I was trying to get DS dressed into his pjs after his bath and he was crying and stiffening up and rolling around. I was soooo fed up that I threw his clothes on the floor and yelled at him, but it was more like a bellow, I even shocked myself with how loud and angry I was Of course he got so startled and took a deep breath in and howled and howled - he was so upset at me!!

I wonder what the big deal is with being changed??? Why does he make it so difficult. It is seriously impossible to change him. He just fights and struggles to get away

Eta...sorry I changed my username, confused??

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hi Kailani. Yes, confused, but that's normal state of play here.

With DS, I find distraction helps. (It always helps, no matter what.) I let him pick his top and ask him to put it on while I change his nappy. He can now fully dress and undress himself, just from a distraction technique! He also loved to pick his own outfit out, which is why I started that. He is getting picky about pyjamas too.

We also have a travel border next to the change table - so he can point to the plane, tractor, car, train, helicopter, bike, ship... he loves it. I'm putting a Bob the Builder poster up later! He also has a flying parrot mobile above him, so he will start the parrot flying then lie down himself.

Other thing is having him tell me how to do it (which will be far too early for you!). But I take off the nappy, then ask what to do. DS rolls onto his shoulders to lift his bum up and tells me that I put a nappy down.

[ezymay]

Oh yes! I love gentle parenting (not sure how well I am doing it I try) but I agree. Its not so much the sleeping for its the dealing with the behaviour I keep telling myself she is only little but what about when she's not so little??? I don't really know how I'm going to do it. She's started biting too and really am not sure about gently parenting in relation to that. Might have to email Pinky Mckay Also my DH is not so understanding and isn't so gentle sometimes.

[Kailani]

Yes distraction! I used to LOVE the distraction technique, however it is really wearing thin Even the grown up items, such as keys, remote controls, sunglasses...he is not wanting a bar of anything. The minute I even lean forward to put him down he starts with the whinging and crocodile tears. If I put him back on my hip, voila, it's like nothing was wrong and he stops. Put him down and he screams blue murder!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hmmm. Just having a thought about what I used to do at that age. I remember changing DS's nappy while he stood up at around 1 year old. He preferred that. Is it lying down generally or just for nappy change? You could swoop him around like an aeroplane that "lands" on the change mat, play peek-a-boo with a clean nappy (then get him to do that), or even have a special nappy-changing song.

If you have different types of nappy, you could let your son pick which one he wants on. More choices = more compliance. Just make sure you're happy with both the outcomes!

[MummyTummy]

We have the same issues with dressing and nappy changes. And distraction no longer works for us. But if someone else is caring for him and doing the changes - absolute compliance so by the looks of it he is just bunging it on for Mum and Dad

I have no answers - this has been going on for about 5 months. We no longer bother with the change table, it is just too dangerous he fights us so much.

[Olive]

holly same issues here too!! lots of tears

[MummyNaomi]

To give you hope - Yes!! Anyway now that I have said all this you know I will have jinxed myself and DS will wake tonight LOL

And wake he did - LOL, had a tummy ache poor mite, when will I learn NOT to even slightly brag about good sleeping, sleeping karma will get you EVERY TIME LMAO

[Olive]

hehe so true naomi!!

[Heaven]

I have been thinking about when we'll TTC number 2 lately and thinking about how I'm actually going to handle them both. Does gentle parenting usually mean you have a larger gap between kids?? I've been wondering if I can be the parent I want to be if I have them too close together iykwim? Especially in regards to sleep. I'm not willing to let DD CIO so who knows when she'll start sleeping through and I just could not cope with 2 kids waking up 3+ times per night. So I'm feeling disheartened with that atm. I would like my kids about 2 yrs apart but does gentle parenting mean I can't do that (well, without going crazy, LOL)??

[Sterla]

I have been thinking about when we'll TTC number 2 lately and thinking about how I'm actually going to handle them both. Does gentle parenting usually mean you have a larger gap between kids?? I've been wondering if I can be the parent I want to be if I have them too close together iykwim? Especially in regards to sleep. I'm not willing to let DD CIO so who knows when she'll start sleeping through and I just could not cope with 2 kids waking up 3+ times per night. So I'm feeling disheartened with that atm. I would like my kids about 2 yrs apart but does gentle parenting mean I can't do that (well, without going crazy, LOL)??

:yeahthat:

[Ginger]

Heaven- i've been co-sleeping, breastfeeding and gentle parenting my two who are 16months apart. i do think that gentle parenting with two is more intense, but it is in no ways impossible. my ds2 spent a lot of the first 6 months of his life in a HAB, bfing whenever he wanted. often in the afternoons the 3 of us will crawl into my bed together and ds2 will bf as ds1 gently falls asleep. many times i have woken up an hour or so later with ds2 asleep on the boob and ds1 asleep on the other side. my two kids are really close and genuninely love each other. in the mornings now they spent a couple of hours just playing together, it's fantastic! only you will know when you're ready...and hopefully you're dd will start sleeping through the night occasionally too soon as she is developmentally ready so you may find the night get-ups are not as bad as you're expecting!

[Bathsheba]

Just lost about 15 minutes worth of response... 3yo DS came along and turned off my computer before I could save or post

Essentially:

Haven't read whole thread, just skimmed. I don't really like the term "Gentle Parenting" I prefer "Respectful Parenting". Zaidie said it well when she said that a child raised with respect will grow up respectful.

My 15yo DD's generally good character can be attributed to my Respectful Parenting. Her "issues" are all pretty much a mirror of my poorer (less respectful) parenting. ie I have shouted at her often so she now shouts at me. But I have been very compassionate in my parenting toward her, never used humiliation etc so she, i think, is a highly compassionate person who doesn't humiliate other people.

My 60yo mother and I often have disagreements about parenting and it's on the issue on the degree of respect that should be offered toward children that is the sticking point. She seems to think that the respect should go one way: toward the parent. I believe it needs to be mutual.

So... does it pay off? I believe so. I have a 9 year gap between my eldest and second child... in those years i worked with teachers who had a strong philosophy of offering children respect... and this doesn't mean indulging them... I think some people (ie my mother) gets these two notions confused.

I am a very firm but fair parent. With my first child I was perhaps driven a bit more by how I was raised... but over time I let my intuition have a bit more of a say... so, for example, i began to co-sleep. But I didn't call it co-sleeping in 1995... i just called it "doing what seemed to be the obvious thing to do when you are too tired to get up 10 times a night in the middle of winter" LOL and voila! baby seems to sleep longer... win win. I co-slept with my 2nd child from day 1 and he was a MUCH better sleeper than she was. My 3rd child also settles in bed much better because he knows he still has the option of coming in to ours if he needs to.

Respectful parenting means not betraying your child's trust. I learnt not to trust my mother. It's very sad but true. This single thing... being aware that I NEVER want children of mine to lack trust in me has driven my parenting from day 1. And has this had results... you bet.

[*charmalea*]

good point bath , the term "respectful parenting " fits much better with me childeren are humans too , they need respect just as much as us adults .

[Olive]

well im having a bad week and im feeling disheartened again with gentle parenting but i know it will pay off, jsut doesnt feel that way today. just needed to vent

[sloane]

sometimes i feel so conflicted about it. for us it's pretty much all about sleep at the momen, esp with DS still being so young. i don't want him to CIO or use CC with him but i also don't see how his sleep is ever going to improve - he shows no signs of ever sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. not that i think CIO or CC would necessarily solve the frequent wakings either.

argh, that doesn't sound quite right but i really just wanted to say that i understand where you're coming from.

i think though, that in the end, you have to parent in a way that feels right to you. so even if other ways may get faster results, you wouldn't feel comfy doing things that way.