do you sometimes find gentle parenting disheartening?

[Heaven]

I know what you mean!! I have been wanting to write that post for ages but had no idea how to!!

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

I hope it pays off too!!

[Olive]

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

I hope it pays off too!!

exactly what i was trying to say!

thanks everyone for your replies, i knew i wouldnt be alone in thinking this but i wondered just how many spoke of their feeling surronding GP
its also had when your mum questions whether i should be feeding DD so much overnight or when your MIL teaches CC

[MummyTummy]

exactly what i was trying to say!

thanks everyone for your replies, i knew i wouldnt be alone in thinking this but i wondered just how many spoke of their feeling surronding GP
its also had when your mum questions whether i should be feeding DD so much overnight or when your MIL teaches CC

Yeah that would make it extra tough. Having the people closest to you doubting your methods and not being supportive will just undermine your resolve every time! Just remember that you are among friends here on BB!

I don't have too many people sticking their noses in around me (most people that know me well know that once I have set ideas there is no changing them) but I am sure I have people tut-tutting behind my back. But I have the unwavering support of my DH which goes a long way and to me is the most important. I have learnt to (mostly) ignore the naysayers who dare to voice their opinions to me or DH.

Oh and not boasting, but I do have a good sleeper. But we have other challenges!!

[Junglemum]

I think whatever approach you take to parenting it can be, at times, disheartening. You have chosen the road you have because you know it is best for your girls, but i don't think it is particularly harder than another road. grass is always greener and all that.
Imagine if you chose to gentle parent and CC your little girls, and then, 2 years down the track you were paying the price.

Don't get me wrong, when i was walking up and down the deck for 2 hours trying to settle #2 last night, i wished i was kicking back having a margarita! But we do things the way we do, not for now, but for the future. It's tough, but you are doing a great job.

[Rouge]

I think the grass is always greener. I'm sure every parent no matter how they parent struggle with different stages of their child's development. Whether it's sleep issues, behavioural issues or anything else.

I know in my heart I am parenting the best way for my family.

And ditto Junglemum!

You are doing a great job

[NaeNae]

no advice hun but I couldn't read and not give you massive and

Nae x

[Jellyfish]

Yes, I totally get this. We are still rocking/feeding to sleep and sometimes I wonder if she will ever self-settle or sleep longer than 4hrs in a row at night...

[~Raven~]

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

OK without sounding condescending becasue I promise I'm not boasting, I have had 3 pretty good sleepers and I gentle parent, so that kind of debunks that theory. I think you either have good sleepers or you don't in most cases.

The one of mine that wasn't (that would be the 3yo from and about 9 months of age) I have spat it and left him to cio and it didn't work and only made it worse. He is a needy and clingy child anyway and leaving him to cio made him moreso.

Leaving them to cio was what I expected was the done thing due to the way I was raised so I totally get the pressure from the rellos. I didn't like it and it didn't help us achieve a full nights sleep.

[Curly]

I think you either have good sleepers or you don't in most cases.

The one of mine that wasn't (that would be the 3yo from and about 9 months of age) I have spat it and left him to cio and it didn't work and only made it worse. He is a needy and clingy child anyway and leaving him to cio made him moreso.

Leaving them to cio was what I expected was the done thing due to the way I was raised so I totally get the pressure from the rellos. I didn't like it and it didn't help us achieve a full nights sleep.

:yeahthat:

I can vouch for that. DS was a horrible horrible sleeper and DD is amazing. Only problem with that was DS was my first so I constantly questioned myself, my methods, what I was doing wrong. I was in tears over it.

DH and I were so used to rocking a baby off to sleep and a baby that woke constantly, never slept for long stretches etc that we didn't quite know what to do with DD, who settled beautifully, slept through from 3 months of age, and actually prefers to be put in her cot and go to sleep on her own (she screams and fights being cuddled off to sleep).

We have not approached her any differently - she's just a different personality entirely. Right now we are still marvelling at how she eats whatever she's given, even FRUIT and will try anything new, unlike Mr Picky.

It's only now I'm realising how needy and atypical DS was - he was far from textbook, but I could not be more glad that we gentle-parented him. A strict and unbending approach would not have made any difference and even now the same is true. Hindsight is 20-20 and looking back, I know we did it the right way with him.

I promise it pays off.

[Kailani]

Absolutely! I am always disheartened and as a result questioning whether I am doing the right thing or if I'm setting him up for bad habits. People are always telling me that I'm "spoiling" him by cosleeping, feeding on demand, picking him up when he cries (which to me indicates that he wants a cuddle, not that he is demanding!)

I dunno...but I can admit that L is really clingy, whingy and a horrible sleeper, but I just think that is him and he'd be like that no matter what method I used (well I keep telling myself that anyway ) He is just a cranky baby! Lets pray for blissful teenage years!

[tippytoes]

Big hun. I am not there yet cause DS is a bit young, but I can understand everything you have written. Rach xx

[Inanna]

Oh Olive big big big cuddles my love.

Like Raven I've had 3 good sleepers - my first screamed before her body was out (it was so bizarre!) & I rocked and patted & fed & drove & cried & put her in the cot& ran down the back yard as I thought I would go insane if I had to hear her scream any more... I couldnmt shower or wee or do anything without screaming or her attatched to me. Until she was at least 2 but it did continue for longer.

I gentle parented and I gentle parent (I have in moments of fear or frustraion smacked but not as a general tool) still. Three slept like they were on sleeping tablets! Immy is a shocking sleeper, but not as bad as Ruby. Having said that Immy will sleep in sometimes something Ruby would never do... So if Immy has arough night she often doesn't wake up until late which gives me a break.

It really is tough darling & there is no solution other than to put a foot in front of the other... Make sure if you can to get some respite - I do know how wearing it is...

Is it worth it? Well only you can decide that one. For me it's the best way for me and mine..

[whoops]

I have always been a smacker until recently (weaning off it). I have realised that it just doesn't work for my kids. It is losing control at a kid who has lost control, and not a very good example to set. I am trialing new methods of discipline which is very challenging at times and can still result in a smack , but we will get there in the end.

[Sterla]

I know what you mean!! I have been wanting to write that post for ages but had no idea how to!!

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

I hope it pays off too!!

Me too Olive, and Heaven. It's the sleep stuff I find the hardest. Today has been especially tough, and I've spent the whole day wanting to roll into a ball and cry like a little girl yelling "It's not fair, why can't I have a good sleeper!"

But when I think of CC, I just could never go down that path...

[MummyNaomi]

I agree, sometimes I wonder if its all worth it, but usually when I think this my LO will remind me why gentle parenting is worth it with a returned cuddle

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers??

To give you hope - Yes!! - although it only took 8.5 months for us hahahaha! I've tried CC once, didn't work and it left DS and myself very upset, so the gentle approach is definately worth it and if I had a dollar for every time I get told what a happy little man I have I'd be a very rich Mummy - and I sincerely believe a lot of it is because of our parenting style (and DS's temperament CERTAINLY plays a big part too). But anyhoo, DS has been sleeping 7pm - 6am since NYs, so gentle parenting and sleeping can definately go hand in hand! I've certainly put in many middle of the night cuddles, feeds, rocking - you name it Anyway now that I have said all this you know I will have jinxed myself and DS will wake tonight LOL

I've heard all the cliches re our parenting techniques - "You're spoiling him" (when picking up a 2 week old crying baby , "He's manipulating you" (again responding to a crying baby), "Crying exercised their lungs" - WTF? And then the same people have told me what a wonderful happy baby I have months later........!!!

I TOTALLY agree that at times its bloody tiring but it sure pays dividends when those cuddles are given in return

I think the biggest gift you can give your child is to teach them love, confidence, respect give them a healthy start - and IMO gentle parenting is the best way to teach these things. When our babies grow into well adjusted loving adults, perhaps it will be then when we will see how worthwhile it all was

Naomi x

[Shanti]

MummyNaomi - congrats on your little man sleeping through for you now.... that's great... lucky thing hope he stays like that for you from now on.

We too have put in lots of cuddles, rocking, patting, MANY wake ups thru the nights for feeds etc (gentle parenting style) but I think at the end of the day, our babies will only sleep through all night for us when they are developmentally ready to.... I've been reading that alot lately and it does make sense.... I guess like all the milestones they all do it when they are all ready to.
It just sucks waiting.....

[Kailani]

I feel horrible I was trying to get DS dressed into his pjs after his bath and he was crying and stiffening up and rolling around. I was soooo fed up that I threw his clothes on the floor and yelled at him, but it was more like a bellow, I even shocked myself with how loud and angry I was Of course he got so startled and took a deep breath in and howled and howled - he was so upset at me!!

I wonder what the big deal is with being changed??? Why does he make it so difficult. It is seriously impossible to change him. He just fights and struggles to get away

Eta...sorry I changed my username, confused??

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hi Kailani. Yes, confused, but that's normal state of play here.

With DS, I find distraction helps. (It always helps, no matter what.) I let him pick his top and ask him to put it on while I change his nappy. He can now fully dress and undress himself, just from a distraction technique! He also loved to pick his own outfit out, which is why I started that. He is getting picky about pyjamas too.

We also have a travel border next to the change table - so he can point to the plane, tractor, car, train, helicopter, bike, ship... he loves it. I'm putting a Bob the Builder poster up later! He also has a flying parrot mobile above him, so he will start the parrot flying then lie down himself.

Other thing is having him tell me how to do it (which will be far too early for you!). But I take off the nappy, then ask what to do. DS rolls onto his shoulders to lift his bum up and tells me that I put a nappy down.