Do you use the word 'naughty'??

[Heaven]

I also remember my mum saying to me a few times when I was a kid 'you're a naughty girl' and how it made me feel I don't want that for my babies.

OP- I don't know if they really understand 'why' yet, sometimes DD does and sometimes I just get crazy answers, lol. But I still ask because one day soon she might get it.

[MrsFabuloso]

That's great, thank you. Do you think at 2.5 she can understand "why"? If I ask her why she's doing that? I do say gentle, a lot. I show her gentle cuddles and then she just keeps going and squishes him.

No probably not. Ask her why first, then if she can't answer, say was it because...whatever. Eg, "Jane, no hitting! Hitting hurts, and isn't gentle. Be gentle with your friends, like this (hug Fred gently or something similar). Why did you hit Fred?....(time to answer) Was it because he knocked your building down? You go and tell him 'Be careful Fred!'".
Usually the trigger of the behaviour is because of some fairly obvious reason. If it's not obvious, then just expain why the behaviour is inappropriate and show her the appropriate behaviors/actions. Try to make it all age appropriate and put it into simple easy to understand language.

[Miss.September]

I use naughty, but not in that "you're a naughty girl" but "What you're doing is naughty" and then go on to explain or show her why. The key for us is not to let it go on, we deal with it and then move on quickly to something positive. But I don't agree with labeling a child "naughty".

[wrena]

IMO naughty is too vague and too subjective and it doesn't adequately explain what is wrong with the behaviour.

This ^^^

[Phteven]

Onyx, I like your thinking - describe the behaviour adequately. What about physical agression - DD is getting really physical with DS, she'll grab his collar and pull or give him a shove or something... what would I call that, more specific than naughty??

When my boys fight I usually point out that they have hurt/scared their brother. Or if it is very aggressive I ask them to stop being violent/too rough.
If they hurt someone they have to apologise.

[RoyaUK]

I try and use positive language and postive actions with my family but it takes a LOT more energy and patience! I'm very concious of how i don't want to replicate some of my parents techniques so i'm trying to re-write the rules for my young family.

It can be exhausting as it's so repetitive (like so many things with little ones) but i figure, if they're hearing the postive reasons (for not doing something) many times over, it'll sink it and give them better self esteem, increase understanding of their actions and increase their language rather than the (IMO) lazy response - naughty. It certainly doesn't distract from the disciplinary actions that may take place if they've behaved inappropriately.

[NaeNae]

I also remember my mum saying to me a few times when I was a kid 'you're a naughty girl' and how it made me feel I don't want that for my babies..

Oh yeah I had this alot as a kid - I was a bad and naughty child and it felt sooooo wonderful to be called those things *sarcasm*. I have said "that was naughty" but prefer to use "Please don't do that, its not very nice" especially when DD is pulling the fur out of our poor cat.

I think there are nicer words to use with kids rather than bad, naughty, mean etc but thats just my opinion

Nae x x

[luna moth]

No, I don't (with other peoples kids) and won't (with my own) for all the reasons mentioned.

BUT... what do you do when it comes up in a classic children's book or rhyme? Like in Peter Rabbit, or "you naughty kittens, you've lost your mittens"? I've always sort of wondered that. Should I substitute? Because if not, you're modelling the language you work so hard to avoid. Just a musing.

[Heaven]

Yeah, I've wondered the same? Is it ok to say it about other things, like the dog? Lol. Because I have, and I have heard DD say 'naughty puppy' now too!

[MrsFabuloso]

No, I don't (with other peoples kids) and won't (with my own) for all the reasons mentioned.

BUT... what do you do when it comes up in a classic children's book or rhyme? Like in Peter Rabbit, or "you naughty kittens, you've lost your mittens"? I've always sort of wondered that. Should I substitute? Because if not, you're modelling the language you work so hard to avoid. Just a musing.

I change the words. 'You naughty kittens' becomes, 'You mischevious kittens, you lost your mittens'; or something along those lines, I do it with alot of words and phrases I don't like to use. Same with songs that use lines I don't like. I can't think of any now, but there are some out there, lol!

[Phteven]

I don't have the energy to sanitise literature. I assume that my children will be intelligent enough to figure out that crazy stuff happens in books that doesn't happen in real life.
The boys know that they are not allowed to call other people stupid but we all agree that the dog is pretty stupid because she has more fur than brains so it follows that kittens might be mischevious even if little boys aren't.

[luna moth]

I do have the energy, and the nimbleness of mind to change books and songs. I'm anal retentive and that's how I roll But others around me don't, so I figure the message is going to make its way through eventually anyway.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

We love "naughty" here. One of DS's favourites.

Green Goblin is being naughty! He is being naughty to Spiderman and he shouldn't do that, should he? Green Goblin is a naughty man!

However, he knows he's a great, fantastic, brilliant, smart good boy who sometimes does naughty things. If he does that he apologises. Green Goblin doesn't apologise (and Norman Osborne is proud of that fact), so that's a big distinction. Well, it is for DS anyway.

[Fleur]

Same as a lot of others, I use it to describe the actions - never her. It might be a small distinction but to me it's important, and I remember being labelled as a kid, I hated it.

I will not say to her 'YOU are naughty' but I might say 'don't scribble on the table, that is naughty'. If I thought about it I would prefer to use more specific words, but sometimes words fail me.

[Sagres]

I don't use it much, but like many other have said when it is used, it is applied to the action not the child.

Interestingly I was talking to one of DDs little friends recently and she said 'X (another friend of hers) was naughty', I kind of tried to explain it in a different way, but when her mum explained what X did (came into her home, took over the toys, screamed if the girl came anywhere near her own toys and eventually bit her really intentionally and really hard) I was happy to say that 'X was being naughty that day'. So I guess another similar twist on the use - for a specific incident and a for specified time.....X was being naughty that day but he is feeling better and is back to being nice today etc.

[Fleur]

I don't use it much, but like many other have said when it is used, it is applied to the action not the child.

Interestingly I was talking to one of DDs little friends recently and she said 'X (another friend of hers) was naughty', I kind of tried to explain it in a different way, but when her mum explained what X did (came into her home, took over the toys, screamed if the girl came anywhere near her own toys and eventually bit her really intentionally and really hard) I was happy to say that 'X was being naughty that day'. So I guess another similar twist on the use - for a specific incident and a for specified time.....X was being naughty that day but he is feeling better and is back to being nice today etc.

That's interesting Sagres... I think it is being used more as a verb than a label - it is an action or a behaviour that can be started & stopped, rather than a flat label. ITMS.

[UntoldAngel]

I don't use it, I don't even like saying that the action is naughty, but rather explain that it hurts, scares, not the place for... and I am onto DH about saying about the action too. I know DS is only coming 15months, and for the most part more than likely doesn't understand, but I would rather him learn the result (for lack of a better word) of his actions rather than just being told it is 'naughty'.

In regards to changing words in literature etc, I don't agree, because children learn to read by our modelling and it could become very confusing for them

Sorry if that doesn't make sense

[Sagres]

That's interesting Sagres... I think it is being used more as a verb than a label - it is an action or a behaviour that can be started & stopped, rather than a flat label. ITMS.

Yeah I think that is why I felt more comfortable with it, because it was something could be started and stopped and it also gave my friend and I an opportunity to talk about how X was the one who determined if he was in that state or not, in kid friendly terms of course!