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Thread: Dramatic Tantrum Chucker almost 3yrs!

  1. #1

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    Default Dramatic Tantrum Chucker almost 3yrs!

    DH and I are in desparate need of some support with our mostly adorable 2 and 3/4 old daughter who has become the worlds greatest tanty chucker!

    She will scream, pinch, punch, slap, bite, kick and spit until she eventually calms herself down and this could be 2 minutes or 2 hours for any or no reason at all.

    It has nothing to do with not being able to express herself cause she is a very fluent talker and has a full grasp of language.

    We've tried the naughty corner, time out in her room or another room in the house, we try not to use smacking of any sort but will sometimes threaten her with it (but that does nothing you may as well say I'm gonna throw barley sugar at you) - we don't want to be smacking parents cause I wasn't brought up like that so I know it's not necessary. We've put her outside - we've tried to reason with her and we've even tried ignoring the behaviour (that's really really difficult cause we also end up finding we become snitchy with each other as well).

    We are beside ourselves - help please...

    xxdd


  2. #2

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    Feb 2006
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    Oh DD,
    I am sorry I haven't got any advice to offer you other than what you're doing.
    Sending you huge hugs I remember going through all of this with Madeleine.(actually, we still go through it at times and she is almost 10!!! lol)
    I hope someone can offer you some really helpful advice, and that it all settles down soon.
    All the best

  3. #3

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    oh DD, *hugs* I hear ya. We have had issues with tantrums for seems like years, but really bad ones maybe the past year? We have been going through Triple P stuff and have found that atm with tantrums we try to catch her when they start, so when I say "No" and she protests. I then say "Matilda please use a gentle voice and tell mummy what is wrong" She will usually say "lollie!!!" (or whatever she wants like its the end of the world) and I will say "Matilda, mummy said no before because its dinner xxx blah blah" If she starts again I say "Matilda if you can not use a quiet voice you will have to sit on your chair until you feel like you can again, I understand you are frustrated because I said no." Usually she continues on and I have to pop her on her seat and wait until she calms down... thats if I catch it in time If I don't & she loses it I usually put her in her room and stand in the door until she settles down and then we have a cuddle and talk about what has happened & why she was feeling the way she was.

    We have some massive tantrums in this house including vomitting and breath holding. The best thing for me is being consistent & finishing with love & cuddles so that she knows even when she loses it emotionally I am always here for her.

  4. #4

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    Hello, we had a major triple-header tantie chucker here too. It started well before 18 mths and lasted until around 3.5 yrs. She used to go to the "hallway" whenever she had a tantie. The hallway was the spot just outside the toilet door (no distractions there) and we would walk away and leave her. She wasn't allowed out until she had calmed down. This was consistent at the FDC lady's house. Also, it meant that if the tantie came in a public place (someone else's house, a shop), I would simply nominate a patch of floor to be the hallway LOL, and turn my back on her until she was finished.

    The good news is eventually she got over it! I'm sure yours will too. ((hugs)) and hang in there, I know how wearing it is.

  5. #5
    mrmoo Guest

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    The only tip I can offer is... be consistant with the way you handle the tantrum. If you are constantly changing the *consequence* your little one gets confused and doesn't know what to expect and so will keep pushing the boundaries and your buttons. So if you're going to use *time-out* then make it the one place always and make it a set time only.

    We use two minutes only because any longer and the reason begins to fade! When we collect three year old dd from time-out we kneel down to her level and give a very brief explanation of why she was in time-out, ask for an apology and give her a hug, then off she goes! Sometimes we only have to ask "do you want time-out?" and she'll stop the mis-behaviour. We also do a count to three which leads to time-out and dd understands this. It doesn't always stop a tantrum but at least she learns that undesirable behaviour will not be tolerated.

    HTH.

  6. #6

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    Thanks everyone, I think that's the key isn't it - to be consistent perhaps we've been confusing her with changing the time out's etc....

    Someone said to me yesterday that they found their dd would have tantrum waves and I reckon Shynelle is the same and the waves revolve around growth spurt's etc....could be something in this too....

    Anyway, thanks all....
    xxdd

  7. #7

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    Oh that brings back fond memories of my eldest daughter!

    I would just turn my back on her and pretend to ignore her, which worked when she realised she wasn't getting a reaction out of me.

    If she was doing something where she might hurt herself (like if we were walking beside a major road or something) I'd count very slowly to three. She knew that something would be taken off her if I got to three.

    Good luck with it and be assured they do grow out of it - eventually!

  8. #8

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    "Good luck with it and be assured they do grow out of it - eventually!"

    Hmmm....I've had a bit of a chuckle at this comment cause I'm thinking yep they grow out of it and then they become teenagers and that's a whole other set of tantrums to deal with OMG - how am I to cope......

    xxdd

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