I was just going to suggest Science of Parenting! I've been re-reading that and it has re-enforced all I've been telling DH about tantrums.

Basically, it's a child having a strong emotion they've never felt so strongly before. They can't cope. They need help not to be given their own way but to cope with the feeling. So we do cuddles and say "yes, I know it is upsetting when you can't claw Mama's eyes out, but it hurts Mama so that's why we walk away from you. No-one likes being hurt. We love you lots and lots but we don't hurt other people." (Or him not having the coffee, or tearing up bills, or all the other fun things we disallow.)

A few little hits I don't mind, a lot of it is expression and frustration that he can't communicate, but we do stop it if it's really violent or prolonged. He doesn't get his own way but he is understood, cuddled, kissed, calmed down and given words to help (once he can say them LOL).

This actually works wonders with speech development. I've noticed that since DH has realised that Daddy just whisking a toy away actually IS the end of the world for DS and we've both been talking through emotions he's more likely to try to say a new word and to pick "happy options" such as coming to Mama like a good boy for a cuddle, not running into the kitchen. Or this morning he was shouting "han!" "eeee!" or even a new word "feet!" for where he wanted me to push him on the swing (I do hands, knees or feet a few times then ask him to pick).