Meow, I just want to say that you seem very connected and in touch with your boy, which is lovely!
Snacks - I think maybe it depends on the child and circumstances. Sometimes I find the same thing with DS. I wait nearby and tell him I'm there for cuddles when he needs it, but I can't touch him when he's going off. But then there are times when he loses it but needs cuddles right away. I think being there, however works best, helps them to know they are safe and secure, I don't see it as positive reinforcement of the behaviour. It's not really a bad behaviour, just an explosion of pent up.... stuff.... ok, I don't really know what it is
I do do a lot of "giving him space" too. But when I think it's too dangerous for him to be trashing around as he's getting too out of control or if I sense that he needs comforting and help bringing himself back then I hold him and/or talk to him softly and calmly. I don't see that as rewarding tantrums but rather offering a method to calm down and teaching emotional control. I don't think he finds that rewarding as he resists my comfort and resists the space- basically he just gets caught up in a world of irrational so I just try and be there.
Thanks for the support everyone- I'm going to see where we're at in another month or two and then decide if something needs to change or be reassessed.
Hmm... I think tantrums are a negative behaviour? Yes, it is due to a whole lot of things - pent up emotion, lack of ability to communicate etc. But I see it the same as say, hitting because they are unhappy with an outcome. It's understandable for a kid to do it because they have no other way to communicate their displeasure. It's still a negative (undesirable) behaviour.
Anyway, sounds like it's irrelevant. I hope I haven't offended - just offering a different perspective.
BTW, I have edited my post - I don't find tanties harder to deal with at home, LOL! Meant 'easier'.
I know what yo mean- they are negative in the sense that they are not socially acceptable and they're a loss of emotional control, which is a valuable, socially constructive behaviour to have. But I don't see them as negative in a "deliberate" sense that needs reprimand, or explaination of why you shouldn't do it. I come from a perspective of teaching emotional control and communication as a way to avoid tantrums, rather than punishment such as withdrawal of attention.
I was thinking about our situation though and I do understand your point snacks. The ignore some of the random head-hitting my son does through the day as I think he is using it to get his way quickly and easily and if I respond to it all the time then I am teaching him that it's an effective way to communicate (ie. "rewarding the behaviour") so I am mindful of avoiding that.
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