How did you teach your child....

Amelia · January 14th, 2008, 05:01 PM

To self-settle!!??

I have trying to teach Rhys to self settle at the moment but it just isn't working!! He is only 13 weeks old this coming Thursday but I want to teach him to self settle before putting him into his cot.

What techniques have you ladies used and have worked for you??

He sleeps on his tummy....I prop him on his side but squirms onto his tummy and hates being swaddled and on his back which it is to hot for anyways.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · January 14th, 2008, 05:13 PM

Only 13 weeks old! He still needs Mummy and there's nowt wrong wi' that.

DS is 11 months (and one day!) and occasionally self-settles but not that often, he's a baby and wants the security of loving parents around and we're fine with that - yes, it takes almost 10 minutes for DH to get DS to sleep at night and sometimes he wakes and settles himself, other times he needs one of us for a couple of minutes. But our attitude is "he's a baby, he shouldn't be left to cry, he still needs help."

Sorry, not that helpful, but just to let you know that it's not the end of the world if self-settling is hard for bub: DS finds talking, eating and walking very easy but sleeping hard.

**blue daisy** · January 14th, 2008, 05:29 PM

Hey Ameila

at 13 weeks your little one is keen to observe everything in his environment, and can easily become overtired

I used to watch for the self settling signs...soft staring, blank expression, soft face and relaxed lips...then if stimulated a baby quickly becomes overtired...jerky movements, grimacing, clenched fists and crying

I also used to let my boys sleep in the main living space...they couldnt see me but they could here me moving around and the radio etc

hope this helps

xx blue daisy

**Ashlee** · January 14th, 2008, 05:31 PM

I agree, a "self settling" bub at 13 weeks is unrealistic. Settling in the cot is achieveable, but him actually getting himself to sleep probably won't happen.

At sleep school Blake was 18 weeks old and when I asked to help him self settle they told me there was no way a baby so young even should.

Don't stress sweets, it's when you have a cranky butt like mine at 9 months who won't even go to sleep on the bottle in his cot when you should start sweating!

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · January 14th, 2008, 05:38 PM

It's worth noting some babies will self-settle: I did as a babe, Natalie's baby does. NOT ALL BABIES DO, it doesn't matter if you know all the signs of tiredness, have "helpful" people point them out, put them down alone from birth, some babies just will not do it. My DS is one of those and whenever anyone tries to indicate it's my fault because DS is overtired or I'm a bad mummy for not teaching this skill I get upset. Not that anyone has said that here, just I know it's easy to think there's a simple solution and it's all your fault if said solution doesn't work!

Amelia · January 14th, 2008, 05:48 PM

I should have explained myself a bit better but he was being a fuss pot before.

Every since his injections on 29/12/07 he has been crying in his sleep for no apparent reason and I have tried burping, bathing, everything to settle him back down and now he is starting to do it during his big night sleep and the Dr (Not the one I normally see but the other lady Dr there) said he is old enough now to start self settleing in his sleep by himself but he just won't!! SHe said this was normal but I have never heard of anything like this before!!

I think it is time for some co-sleeping to start happening like I wanted from birth but now we have a king size bed (Just waiting for it to be delivered!!) it is going to start happening!!

**suse** · January 14th, 2008, 05:48 PM

Hi Amelia, sorry I don't have any advice for you - I too have a baby who does not self settle (although he is only almost 8 weeks old).

But I wanted to say thank you Ryn - I also needed to be reminded of that!

Euan will only fall asleep on the breast or being carried, and will sometimes go for 12 hours without sleep during the day (but on those days he makes up for it by sleeping all night!). Other days he will nap all day. He will usually self settle if he wakes, but not always. I sometimes feel that I 'should' be trying to establish a routine, or getting him to self settle but so far am doing what I feel comfortable with, and what works for my son. Even if that changes daily!

Do you want him to self settle because you feel like this is what he 'should' be doing, or because he is having such difficulty sleeping that it is making both of you unhappy?

Depending on where you are, there are sleep schools which teach techniques for settling, some people find them very helpful. Ask your MCHN if there is anything in your area!

Good luck!

Amelia · January 14th, 2008, 05:55 PM

Suse - I feel like it is abit of both that he should be doing it but also that I am getting nothing done around the house and it takes me 3 hours to make dinner!! Which in token amkes me unhappy cause I like to have dinner on the table for DH as he walks in the door but htat hasn't been happening since his injections!!

**~Kim~** · January 14th, 2008, 05:57 PM

Well said Ryn!

I agree Amelia - it's what worked for us and you will (evenutally) figure out what works for you. He's a teen for much longer than he's a bubba.

hope you get some rest.

**Erin_25** · January 14th, 2008, 06:03 PM

A baby of that age is too young to be left to "cry it out" as they don't understand, but you wouldn't be doing that as this is the gentle parenting discussion. But I think a baby that age can learn to "self settle" if you can find something that works for you. My DS goes off to sleep no worries, took us till about the 3month mark to realise he could do it, but like I said one day we just found what worked. I too was tired, not getting a sleep myself & was beyond myself. If you don't want them to self settle or it doesn't bother you then don't stress. Otherwise you could try several things, a dummy (if you are not bothered by them or not using one already), music in the room (my DS has radio on 24/7, louder during the day), a wrap or something to cuddle, quiet time before sleep like a small cuddle in dark room & perhaps sing to bubs.

With DS I always put him down not long after a bottle, sometimes I feed him the bottle in his room (in dim light), then I give him his dummy & wrap, he'll cuddle into it & then me. I give him a cuddle, hum a bit then pop him into his cot & walk out of the room. It's been working for us from about 4months & does make things so much easier.

**suse** · January 14th, 2008, 06:09 PM

It's not easy, is it!

I am so glad that I had a freezer full of pre-cooked meals, but these are nearly gone now.

Do you use a sling/carrier? It's a bit hard to cook in them but still OK as long as you put him down when you are working with heat. I've prepped dinner with him in the sling, then I can just bung everything in the slow cooker - easy! Perhaps you could invest in one if you don't already have one - make up a big casserole once a week (perhaps on DH's day off so that he can mind bubs) then freeze most of it. In a few weeks you'll have lots of backup dinners. I've been getting by with defrosting a casserole and serving it with instant couscous or rice (again, I make a heap then it can be easily reheated the next night), and frozen vegies if I am really stuck for time. Or, big salads are great - anything that doesn't need to be cooked can be safely prepped with your bub in a sling! I do chicken ones with poached chicken (in the microwave) or with bought BBQ chicken if I really am stuck, and it makes up a full meal!

Not that this helps with the sleep issues, but it could help getting through them a little easier!

Amelia · January 14th, 2008, 07:34 PM

Erin - I would never do the cry to sleep thing!! Rhys has never been a crier till his injections now he is a differt child.

Suse - I have a baby bjorn but he is getting to heavy for that!! On 29/12 he was weighing a whopping 8.4kg's!! He is only on breast milk nothing else!! Well I should really say he is on breast cream!! Lol... He doesn't look fat he is just really long and is in 0's already cause his torso is so long!!

DH got a call today saying our bed is in and we are getting it delivered on Saturday!! YAY!!

**suse** · January 14th, 2008, 07:37 PM

Whoa - 8.4kg!!! You must make gooood booby-juice! I have the same prob with Euan - he's a long baby too!

Amelia · January 14th, 2008, 07:38 PM

Yeah I am thinking about getting a Ergo or trying out a HAB!!

**Lulu** · January 14th, 2008, 08:16 PM

Hey there, I just wanted to point out that lots of Drs are pretty crap with young babies. I would be waaay more inclined to listen to the Maternal Child Health Nurse. They "do" babies day in, day out. I feel your local GPs pretty out of touch with little babies (unless they take a special interest with babies/children). My preg Dr was great, but he told my GF to put her daughter on solids at 3 months....very dumb.

Good luck though, try not to be too hard on yourself if bubs doesn't settle (like RH says - everything is YOUR fault now you're a mother), most of them take waaay longer to learn to settle if they do.
Oh - and puhlease don't listen to you mothers grups chums when they tell you their babies "slept through from 2 weeks old", it's the WORST urban myth I've heard.....

**Erin_25** · January 14th, 2008, 08:37 PM

Sorry, hope you don't think I was suggestion you would let your bubs cry it out...was just trying to clarify what bubs is & is not too young for. Thought I had made that clear, sorry.

**Kitty33** · January 14th, 2008, 08:43 PM

yes I agree with Lulu... the GPs can be a little "out of touch" with babies sometimes and most definatly dont listen to other mothers that "got lucky" with thier kids.... well not so much dont listen but dont let it shape the way you feel you are coping.

My little man has just in the last 3 months self settled.... and in saying that, to me self settling is going to bed in his cot while still awake and not crying (dont know if thats what you mean

)
But we used to have a bottle and cuddle on the couch.. then it was a little bit of a fight with him on the couch (at worst) to stop fussing and go to sleep with me laying on the couch with him.
I dont beleive in Co-sleeping in bed personally so you might find if you are going to do that when you get your king bed it might work a charm for you and him self settling

Dont be too hard on yourself

Good luck!
xoxo

Amelia · January 15th, 2008, 05:56 AM

Well last night was a good night, he slept right through from 10 till 6:30 and we are just sitting here watching some news and I am waiting for him to wake up a little bit more before I feed him!! It's raining here today so hopefully he will get some good sleeps in today.

Kirstie - That is what I want once he stops falling asleep on the boob!! I have been trying to wake him to put him back to bed awake but he falls asleep while I am burping him.

Thanks ladies....All your reassurance saying I am being unrealistic as he is only 13 weeks old has helped me and I am now thinking hopefully that it is just a moment in his life and he will hopefully stop doing it soon and just sleep like a little angel once again!!