but he still doesnt get that by doing something he knows he shouldnt(he is very cluey about these things) that there are consequenses...
nor will he for some time. He is just not developmentally ready to appreciate these 'lessons'. Natural consequences are far more effective - those related to the event that you haven't manufactured.
Yes, it's upsetting when things you have become attached to break or are damaged by our children. They just do not get this, it cannot be taught, it is only learned by reaching that developmental stage (not age - it will be different for different kids).
Seeing you cry would have been consequence enough for your little one, without adding the punishment.
Love withdrawal and toy withdrawal only teach kids to think about the consequences to themselves, not the reason to heed what you've said. They learn to act on the basis of avoidance, rather than any other motivation. It's an extrinsic motivator, not an intrinsic reward to act how you want them to because it will impact artificially and negatively.
Think about what happened when you took the station away. The sadness would have been about that withdrawal, and focus was no longer on the frame. He couldn't care less about the frame. Yes, next time he might avoid the frame, not because he knows it's precious, but because he'll remember the previous withdrawal, and want to avoid further punishment. Or, he might forget all together and you'll have to withdraw something else.
Anything of value that DS damages or destroys (and he has) I just have to write off, financially and emotionally! I use it as a good opportunity to 'let go' of my attachment to material things and to realise that my DS's emotional wellbeing is far more important than my emotional attachment to the thing he's damaged. It took some real thinking about to begin with, and now it is easier to fall into this thinking. He really teaches me about priorities in life I usually learn more from him than he does from me!
Google Alfie Kohn, he talks about the merits of 'consequential' teaching, artificial and natural.
he didnt do it intentionally but there still should be a consequence
It's really easy to fall for the 'consequences' way of thinking, it's all you ever hear about from parenting 'experts' and it's rarely questioned in the public domain. Consequences need to be logical, as a PP said - don't they need to be for you, too, as an adult? Ask what you want to teach with the consequence and take it right through to the ultimate aim.
It's a bit unfair to expect our littlies to learn 'lessons' the first time round - it really sets them up for failure. After all, we dont' get 'punished' when we make a mistake a second time in the illogical way we dole out 'consequences' to our kids. In adulthood, the mistake has enough consequences for us to realise what we've done - it's put someone out, it's crashed a car, it's left you with no money till payday, it's killed a plant etc. These are natural consquences and we learn bit by bit, otherwise we'd be perfect. I know I'm not!
Do yourself and your DS a favour and remove valuable things that can't be replaced from his reach (and this 'reach' will have to be revised constantly!). It's not fair to set them up for failure by saying "I won't change what's in my house, he has to learn some things aren't to be touched".
At 3, he could be very ready to reason with. For example, my 2.5 yo son will be getting into something I don't want him in and I can ask him 'what are you doing?' to ascertain what he's trying to get out of the exercise. He'll usually tell me and we can figure out a compromise, or I'll help him get whatever he's scrambling to reach that is safe for him to have. If he's just stringing out cos he's tired or whatever, I'll distract him with a sure-fire distractor.
As I type, my DS has just grabbed my Lancome Juicy Tube (I am VERY emotionally attached to my JT collection!!) and sucked out some of the contents. He's actually done this twice before, so I'm getting better at my reactions. I asked for it back and he did, I put the lid back on and stuck it in my toiletry bag (I'm at my mum's for the weekend, so my stuff isn't where it usually is) where he can't get it. My own fault for leaving it on my mum's desk where he could easily get it. Coming to think of it, I'm the one learning the natural consequences of things!
Spoke to soon, he's just bumped his head on the base of the top bunk...