Great post Mayaness, gotta spread the love a little...

I came back with a bit more time to expand but Maya's done it all for me! I was just going to say that consequences either follow or they don't, you can only really "invent" them in very specific circumstances (like if DD is kicking my seat despite a massive amount of legroom in the car i tilt my seat back so she can't do it (the seat is then so close she cannot kick it)) and i basically assume the only thing i can teach DD with consequence creation is how *I* will react to something. It's behavioural - that's NOT what happens if you kick a seat in front of you, it only happens if you do it to Mama in the car. But she once did it on the bus and the woman in the seat in front turned round and asked her not to do it and she cried because she was so shocked to be corrected by a stranger and now she doesn't do it on the bus anymore either. But it relied on me telling her not to do it, and then when the lady turned to correct her, letting that happen. I comforted her when she cried, but i also thanked the lady who made her cry! It takes a village, but you have to LET the village do it!

For my journey as a parent i find putting myself in DD's place ALWAYS helps me find what to do next. Imagine you made a big mistake at work and lost your job, and when you came home and told your DH he said that as a punishment he was going to take your house keys away and only let you in and out when he decided. The lost job would make you re-evaluate your career and how careful you are at work. The arbitrary grounding by DH would make you very angry and bitter indeed! As hard as it can be, i feel the right path for us is that i neither inflict nor protect from consequences, so long as safety isn't too much of a concern.

Having said that, some kids don't learn the hard way OR the easy way - DD lifted a RED HOT COAL from our fire 2 weeks ago with her bare hand and dropped it onto the rug. The coal was bonded to the rug-backing, the pile was burned right to the back and DD had not a single mark on her. She is lucky. I am luckier. We now have a fire guard double bolted to the walls so there is no way for her to get to it. That was MY lesson and i am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to learn it the easy way.

Bx