This is a great thread Doudou and I hope you don't mind but would love to discuss this further.

For instance it makes sense to me that I want to parent with natural consequences in mind, I want to avoid the whole punishment thing, I want to try and teach and give my children the tools/skills to be able to make decisions to do things in a positive way, not motivated by fear but I find it hard to know how to put this into practice.

If we take RH example of explaining that walls hurt and cars will hurt more so don't run onto the road and so you are going into the pushchair (I'm assuming this is a pram) then isn't this natural consequences ?? or as someone else said should I be explaining about roads and cars and pram threat as part of the prewarning (and please RH don't take offense as I suspect you did this I just was after some clarification and this was a good example, also Hoobly I know that you carry DD alot so this may not be an issue for you but with my DS currently only 10 months and already over 11.6 kgs (about 24 pounds) it isn't always practical to carry him)

I really get confused as to where to draw the line so to speak for example what Hoobly was saying about being upset but cause her DD is persceptive you don't see this as guilting the child, I want my child to know the consequence of how it makes me feel but at the same time I don't want to guilt him. For example DS is currently learning about being gentle and he is scratching at my face (I believe this is normal thing but he needs to learn - see I don't want him to necessarily learn that because it hurts that he shouldn't do it cause on that theory when he get's older he will think he can do things to other people cause it doesn't hurt him but he may not realise that it hurst other people (his dad is very good at this - I say something hurts and to stop it and he says it doesn't hurt him so it is o.k ect...) but to learn that he shouldn't do it cause it isn't the right thing to do IYKWIM?) so I sometimes pretend to cry to let him know that it hurts, aren't I guilting him into stopping?? I am so confused as to how I should be teaching him, for example do I just say no in a firm voice and tell him to be gentle by showing him and if he continues say no again and put him on the floor when he usualy only acts this way when he is tired?? or do I cry to let him know that it is hurting (see it doesn't hurt much but it isn't something that I want him doing) or should I just ignore it caues he will learn not to do this eventually but if I don't teach him how will he learn ? (see my confusion it could really do my head in if I let it)

Sorry Doudou if I have taken over your thread, please let me know and I will start another one cause I have a few other questions/scenarios I would love to discuss further.

TIA for reading this far