How do you Empower your child(ren)?

[Rouge]

I thought this might a great topic for us to share our techniques as parents on how we empower our children through our gentle parenting practices.

I'll post some here (feel free to ask me about them) and I'd love to hear form other mothers too.

• Our children are given choices, instead of just "No" we offer them alternatives to their behaviour. We never utter the words "Because I said so". Explanations are always given.
• Our rules apply to all household members. For example if I have told Paris not to speak rudely and I snap at her she has just as much right to pull me up on it as I have with her.
• We don't make promises we can't keep. I don't expect my children to promise me they won't do xxx ever again, instead we ask that she promises to *try* harder next time, and that is an expectation she can keep of herself.
• If I have a meltdown it is my responsibilty to apologise and reconcile with my children, it is not their fault (no matter how much they have tested the boundaries) that I have screamed and yelled. We talk and cuddle and reassure each other of our love. And we talk through solutions to help with the problem so its less likely to occur in the future.
• Consistancy is important. We believe that if you be inconsistant with children it is not fair to punish them. It is not fair that a behaviour that was ok yesterday is not ok today, children do not read minds and it is our responsibility to allow them to feel safe within their boundaries.
• Discussion is not talking back. If our children feel the need to express themselves in a situation where they have been told No, or asked to do something we allow it. We expect that the discussion is respectful with no tantruming or rudeness but it is perfectly ok to speak ones mind.
• Praise is the biggest tool for us. We praise our children when they do great things, or when they do little things. We don't "over praise" but we do like to show our appreciation for who they are.
• We do not ignore our children. Even when I have had enough and I am tired and they are restless or being excessively repetitive we try to ensure that we always respond. There is nothing worse than "Yes dear" I still can remember the day I realised my parents weren't actually listened.
• We don't mouth off. If you don't want your children to mouth off at you as you see it as disrespectful then your children deserve the same resepct.

I'll add some more as I think of them Would love to hear from others.

[Lulu]

Give them a chance to achieve.
I let my kids help me do things around the house - even if it takes a little longer...

I never underestimate what they can do and let them work things out for themselves. If it doesn't work the first time, have another go.
I let them fall, I don't overprotect, but am always there for cuddles if needed.

I don't talk over them, and let them answer questions on their own.

At nightime I like to go over all the great things they did that day, and talk about what we might do tomorrow.

I always say what I mean ,and mean what I say - no empty threats or promises.

Their dad lets them get away with murder, but it's always me they come to if they need help...

[Rouge]

Love your work Lulu! I love them all, and some of them I do too.

[MrsFabuloso]

*We treat her with the same respect we give any adult. She is still a person albeit a little person!
*We prioritise spending time with her. That is the most important thing we can do for her is give her our time and positive attention.
*We have fun!! Make routines fun and the day will be easier. Laugh and smile more than giving disipline and instruction.
*Explain why we do the things we do. Even though she's only a baby, she understands tone and body language.
*Because she's a baby I explain how I interpret her feelings. Like if we have to pack up her toys she's busy with and she cries and tantrums, I tell her I understand she's upset and wants to play but we need to do something else.
*Give children the credit of comprehension. Simplify things to their level, but always explain feelings/situations. It's life and they need to learn about it. Don't underestimate their ability to understand, sympathise and deal with any situation.

[Rouge]

Oh Kel I LOVE that last one, thats a strong philosophy in our house! They are all great And I was feeling quite flustered this afternoon, but this is actually making me feel better! Thankyou!

[beckles]

This is a great idea cai! thanks everyone for their input it's fantastic.
We pretty much share the same philosophies as are mentioned above. would like to add we have at least once a week family meetings where we share our appreciations with each other (whether it be a milestone, physical - academic - spiritual - emotional achievment, good choices etc, and we share the oppurtunity to voice any concerns we have about our family unit. We also ensure the 'do unto others' philosophy an example: if we want our kids to respect our privacy we respect theres etc. Lead by example, shame and blame was ok in the 1950's, labels are for jars not people, ummm can't think of anymore at the mo but will be watching this discussion with excitment.
love beckles

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I don't have anythign to contribute but couldn't work out if i could subscribe without posting!
This is a brilliant thread and i look forward to referencing later on.
Thanks

[Loqua]

I'm in the same boat as Ashlea. Some really positive stuff, here.

[boomba]

Beautiful girls! If only all parents were as lovely as you all! I really love all that you have said and feel exactly the same way!
You all must be very special people with gorgeous children!

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