Thanks Kate. I think I need to be re-assured that it is indeed normal. Last nigth i spent a total of 1.5 hours to put her to sleep.
The whole week last week she would just take the boob and fall asleep. all i had to do was transfer her into the bassinet (although during the day it is only ball bouncing and nothing else to sleep) but the last few nigths it has just been difficult.
My problem is ... by the time it gets to that hour... I have run out of steam and patience.... and all i want to do is get some shut eye. sometimes i lose it and cry and cry. then i feel bad for being frustrated because other people have more kids... and some have a harder time putting their babies to sleep than I do.
Then come some people who indirectly say it's my fault she is like that because i "give in" to her every time she cries. I pick her up too much and it's my fault i got her used to being bounced on the gym ball to sleep. and its my fault she is frantic when we are out because i dont get her used to different environments and its my fault that she always cries when being put down because i always carry her in my sling.
then it comes to a point when i feel like maybe i did it wrong. maybe i shouldnt have done this and that differently and she would not be so sad and crying all the time.
and worse of all... i am made to feel that because of all the parenting decisions i have made .... she has stranger (people,place & environment) anxiety.... they compare her to other babies her age and none of them cry like her or are clingy like her. they swaddle their babies... put them in the bassinet/cot and they fall right asleep or they stay quiet until they are ready to sleep then fall asleep. not a beep. and mine lets the whole neighbourhood know she isnt happy. I feel like a wreck sometimes. Like it's my fault she isn't as jolly as the other babies
my problem is i need to be re-assured that im doing the right thing, its nromal and that this will all pass . thank God for this forum.
You know what? For as much as we like to believe we are *in control* we are not. We all respond to our baby's need. Mothers with a high needs baby have the hardest workload - and do so well just to keep themselves and their baby together. Yes they are criticised and encouraged to *switch off* from their baby. It just goes against the mothering grain. Some babies hve easier temperaments and are reasonably undemanding - a fluke of nature. But their parents are congratulated on *what a good baby8 they have. Newsflash - it's just luck - not anything you are doing in either situation.
What you have is a well adapted human baby. They are designed to be with a parent. 3 mnth old babies are clingy. they are babies. Sadly, so many experts teach us to ignore our children's needs to the extent we can't even see their needs let alone meet them - you are doing a great job
Aw, y'know I am getting a little teary at your last post because I can SO relate!
My first, Natalie, was a baby who cried a lot. It feels just dreadful when you don't know why your baby is crying - it feels like a personal attack!
My only advice is to ignore people who are telling you you're doing it wrong. IGNORE! And also books - there are loads of books out there that people might recommend, but if they tell you their way is the only way then IGNORE! The key is confidence.
And those babies that are swaddled and put in bed without a peep... Have you seen this with your own eyes?!? I would reckon these are exceptional babies, not the norm.
How often does your baby feed out of interest? I was told that feeding my baby more often than 2.5 hourly would make her feel full and sick and was not a good idea. I am now pretty convinced (although of course I will never know for sure) that Natalie was just hungry. I rarely gave her top-up feeds because I was worried that it didn't fit in with the 'routine'. Once she was 6mo I was feeding her VERY frequently overnight because that's what we did when she woke to get her back to sleep - she wasn't a co-sleeper (and neither was I TBH). She was a much happier baby at this point! It could be that at 6 months she turned a developmental corner and expressed herself in ways other than crying, but for me it was an indication that it's ok to feed your baby outside of what others deem to be appropriate, KWIM?
But feeding aside, I really think there are babies who need to cry more than others. You are doing a fabulous job.
You are doing a great job. Being a mummy is hardwork (harder than my dayjob I find!) Just keep doing whatever works for your family. Take on board advice & hints, but at the end of the day if you believe in your heart something you are doing is working best, then keep at it. Something else I found really useful was a book called The Wonder Weeks. It explains all the "milestones" in a babies development and I have found it to be very accurate in timing to when my DD has a "fussy" period. Just know that you are always doing the very best for your daughter & in her eyes you are her favourite mummy in the whole world.
thank you all. all comments have helpes me be more patient and look at things in a positive view. Really ... it's great you guys respond out of good will. I feel like it's all genuine advice and i really really do appreciate them. Thank you very very much.
I am going to start a new thread/question about gym ball weaning. Hope anyone with ideas can help me out. I'm willing to give it a go. I haven't yet posted the question but will get to it soon if I have time god willing.
reassurance.. reassurance.. reassurace.
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