I am not enough for my 7 week old baby

[ohnoauntflo]

Hi. Just need some advice or hear a similiar experience quick before I start pulling my hair out.

DH and I somewhat practice Gentle Parenting/Attachment Parenting as we don't let our 7 week old baby CIO, I wear her a lot, I BF, we co sleep etc.

But she doesn't seem happy with all we are doing. Most of the time she seems content when I am bouncing on that big yoga/excercise ball with her in my arms/sling. The minute i get off it (if she's still awake/drowsy) she starts screaming and both her feet start kicking as if to say "BOUNCE MORE!!!!" I have tried walking (while bouncing up and down) while singing and patting/stroking her back and that rarely ever works unless she is already half asleep to begin with. So we go back on the ball and bounce away

My issue is... i feel like i am not enough for her. it's as if this ball is her mother (well u know what i mean). I thought babies were happy with just their parents at this age but my 7 weeker seems like she can't do without the ball. I know it's my fault for starting it on her (it seemed to soothe her cries when she was a newborn and still does!) but I don't know what to do now. I get nervous every time we take her out bacsue I jolly well can't take that ball with us and start bouncing in public.

My questions are :
1) has anyone had this issue with their baby before? If yes... tell me your story (how it happened.. how did you deal wit it and how/when did it stop?)
2) Should I give in every time she cries (as I do now) or should I wean her off it?
3) Baby wearing should be the answer to a content baby who will let mama get some things done. unfortunately i can't cook while bouncing. ANY ADVICE?!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE. i really appreciate your time and effort to solve my bouncy problem. Heh.

[onthefly]

My son loved the ball too.
She's so very very young (still a newborn), she's still adjusting to the outside world. It's ok to use your breasts, or the fitball, slings or whatever helps her. Why make life harder for yourself? She will change, and very quickly at this age, just try to ride it out.
I also found just jiggling/bobbing around with DS in a wrap also helped a lot - so you can kind of bounce without the ball.

You're not 'giving in' to her when she cries, you're meeting her needs. She obviously finds bouncing very soothing! And you didn't create a problem here, you very cleverly figured out something that works very well for her.

[sloane]

You're not 'giving in' to her when she cries, you're meeting her needs. She obviously finds bouncing very soothing! And you didn't create a problem here, you very cleverly figured out something that works very well for her.

:yeahthat:

i think it's great that at just 7 weeks you've already worked out something that soothes your baby

i also think it's natural to question whether you're enough for your baby - for me it seemed that everyone else seemed to be able to soothe my DS better than i could. i stressed about it for ages but it really does pass & what soothes them does change as they grow.

i also felt that so much of the early weeks of BFing was taken up with my DS establishing supply & becoming an efficient feeder that it took a while before he settled into using the breast as a comfort, but once he did...he was set!

[ohnoauntflo]

thank you so much for your positive feedback. It made me feel good tht im doing something right.
But now she is 12 weeks old. And for some weird reason she cries on the gym ball too? she never used to. she use to just fall straight to sleep.
now she fussess and fusses and makes me cry too

[Kmn]

12 week-ish babies can be notoriously hard to settle - they are becoming much more aware of what is going on around them and also growing rapidly. It's very very normal!

Things to try that may help:
1) Less caffeine for you if you are breastfeeding - caffeine "wears" off for an adult in a few hours, but takes a couple of days for a baby to process.
1a) If you are breastfeeding then make sure you offer both breasts now - she's growing and may be hungrier than she used to be. It's also OK to feed her more frequently, and doing so will help your body make more milk for her.
2) Take her for a walk outside - the different noises seem to be calming for lots of babies
3) Give her a bath - it is OK to bath a baby at 4 in the morning if it helps them sleep!
4) If she seems to have a bit of a sore tummy then rub her tummy or lie her on her tummy on your tummy to help her burp and let off and feel better
5) Put on your favorite music while she's grumpy - it may make you feel a bit better and that's got to help

Babies change all the time - and what works now probably won't work in a few months. That's part of the fun!

hugs
Kate

[ohnoauntflo]

Thanks Kate. I think I need to be re-assured that it is indeed normal. Last nigth i spent a total of 1.5 hours to put her to sleep.
The whole week last week she would just take the boob and fall asleep. all i had to do was transfer her into the bassinet (although during the day it is only ball bouncing and nothing else to sleep) but the last few nigths it has just been difficult.
My problem is ... by the time it gets to that hour... I have run out of steam and patience.... and all i want to do is get some shut eye. sometimes i lose it and cry and cry. then i feel bad for being frustrated because other people have more kids... and some have a harder time putting their babies to sleep than I do.

Then come some people who indirectly say it's my fault she is like that because i "give in" to her every time she cries. I pick her up too much and it's my fault i got her used to being bounced on the gym ball to sleep. and its my fault she is frantic when we are out because i dont get her used to different environments and its my fault that she always cries when being put down because i always carry her in my sling.

then it comes to a point when i feel like maybe i did it wrong. maybe i shouldnt have done this and that differently and she would not be so sad and crying all the time.

and worse of all... i am made to feel that because of all the parenting decisions i have made .... she has stranger (people,place & environment) anxiety.... they compare her to other babies her age and none of them cry like her or are clingy like her. they swaddle their babies... put them in the bassinet/cot and they fall right asleep or they stay quiet until they are ready to sleep then fall asleep. not a beep. and mine lets the whole neighbourhood know she isnt happy. I feel like a wreck sometimes. Like it's my fault she isn't as jolly as the other babies

my problem is i need to be re-assured that im doing the right thing, its nromal and that this will all pass . thank God for this forum.

sorry. whingy.

[Jennifer13]

This too shall past. You'll probably find the ball mimics more closely the movement/jiggling she was used to in utero. It will take her some time to adjust to not being in utero. Really, she's gone from being constantly jiggled for nine months to only being jiggled occasionally (if you look at it that way). Wearing her will work as she adjusts, but she obviously prefers the more vigorous action.

I watched a DVD when DD was a baby called Happiest Baby on the Block by a Dr Karp. I don't agree with all of it, but there was some advice that worked like a charm with DD. He showed how to gently jiggle your baby in a way that moves her head (from side to side) in your arms and may calm them. It was unbelievable, how quickly it worked with DD. If you can get a copy and watch it, maybe that will give you an alternative to bouncing? A rocker swing that operates on batteries was also a movement that DD particularly liked. It was very helpful when I needed to go to the toilet or have a shower!