I am not enough for my 7 week old baby

[sloane]

You're not 'giving in' to her when she cries, you're meeting her needs. She obviously finds bouncing very soothing! And you didn't create a problem here, you very cleverly figured out something that works very well for her.

:yeahthat:

i think it's great that at just 7 weeks you've already worked out something that soothes your baby

i also think it's natural to question whether you're enough for your baby - for me it seemed that everyone else seemed to be able to soothe my DS better than i could. i stressed about it for ages but it really does pass & what soothes them does change as they grow.

i also felt that so much of the early weeks of BFing was taken up with my DS establishing supply & becoming an efficient feeder that it took a while before he settled into using the breast as a comfort, but once he did...he was set!

[ohnoauntflo]

thank you so much for your positive feedback. It made me feel good tht im doing something right.
But now she is 12 weeks old. And for some weird reason she cries on the gym ball too? she never used to. she use to just fall straight to sleep.
now she fussess and fusses and makes me cry too

[Kmn]

12 week-ish babies can be notoriously hard to settle - they are becoming much more aware of what is going on around them and also growing rapidly. It's very very normal!

Things to try that may help:
1) Less caffeine for you if you are breastfeeding - caffeine "wears" off for an adult in a few hours, but takes a couple of days for a baby to process.
1a) If you are breastfeeding then make sure you offer both breasts now - she's growing and may be hungrier than she used to be. It's also OK to feed her more frequently, and doing so will help your body make more milk for her.
2) Take her for a walk outside - the different noises seem to be calming for lots of babies
3) Give her a bath - it is OK to bath a baby at 4 in the morning if it helps them sleep!
4) If she seems to have a bit of a sore tummy then rub her tummy or lie her on her tummy on your tummy to help her burp and let off and feel better
5) Put on your favorite music while she's grumpy - it may make you feel a bit better and that's got to help

Babies change all the time - and what works now probably won't work in a few months. That's part of the fun!

hugs
Kate

[ohnoauntflo]

Thanks Kate. I think I need to be re-assured that it is indeed normal. Last nigth i spent a total of 1.5 hours to put her to sleep.
The whole week last week she would just take the boob and fall asleep. all i had to do was transfer her into the bassinet (although during the day it is only ball bouncing and nothing else to sleep) but the last few nigths it has just been difficult.
My problem is ... by the time it gets to that hour... I have run out of steam and patience.... and all i want to do is get some shut eye. sometimes i lose it and cry and cry. then i feel bad for being frustrated because other people have more kids... and some have a harder time putting their babies to sleep than I do.

Then come some people who indirectly say it's my fault she is like that because i "give in" to her every time she cries. I pick her up too much and it's my fault i got her used to being bounced on the gym ball to sleep. and its my fault she is frantic when we are out because i dont get her used to different environments and its my fault that she always cries when being put down because i always carry her in my sling.

then it comes to a point when i feel like maybe i did it wrong. maybe i shouldnt have done this and that differently and she would not be so sad and crying all the time.

and worse of all... i am made to feel that because of all the parenting decisions i have made .... she has stranger (people,place & environment) anxiety.... they compare her to other babies her age and none of them cry like her or are clingy like her. they swaddle their babies... put them in the bassinet/cot and they fall right asleep or they stay quiet until they are ready to sleep then fall asleep. not a beep. and mine lets the whole neighbourhood know she isnt happy. I feel like a wreck sometimes. Like it's my fault she isn't as jolly as the other babies

my problem is i need to be re-assured that im doing the right thing, its nromal and that this will all pass . thank God for this forum.

sorry. whingy.

[Barb Glare]

You know what? For as much as we like to believe we are *in control* we are not. We all respond to our baby's need. Mothers with a high needs baby have the hardest workload - and do so well just to keep themselves and their baby together. Yes they are criticised and encouraged to *switch off* from their baby. It just goes against the mothering grain. Some babies hve easier temperaments and are reasonably undemanding - a fluke of nature. But their parents are congratulated on *what a good baby8 they have. Newsflash - it's just luck - not anything you are doing in either situation.
What you have is a well adapted human baby. They are designed to be with a parent. 3 mnth old babies are clingy. they are babies. Sadly, so many experts teach us to ignore our children's needs to the extent we can't even see their needs let alone meet them - you are doing a great job

[Snacks]

Aw, y'know I am getting a little teary at your last post because I can SO relate!
My first, Natalie, was a baby who cried a lot. It feels just dreadful when you don't know why your baby is crying - it feels like a personal attack!
My only advice is to ignore people who are telling you you're doing it wrong. IGNORE! And also books - there are loads of books out there that people might recommend, but if they tell you their way is the only way then IGNORE! The key is confidence.
And those babies that are swaddled and put in bed without a peep... Have you seen this with your own eyes?!? I would reckon these are exceptional babies, not the norm.

How often does your baby feed out of interest? I was told that feeding my baby more often than 2.5 hourly would make her feel full and sick and was not a good idea. I am now pretty convinced (although of course I will never know for sure) that Natalie was just hungry. I rarely gave her top-up feeds because I was worried that it didn't fit in with the 'routine'. Once she was 6mo I was feeding her VERY frequently overnight because that's what we did when she woke to get her back to sleep - she wasn't a co-sleeper (and neither was I TBH). She was a much happier baby at this point! It could be that at 6 months she turned a developmental corner and expressed herself in ways other than crying, but for me it was an indication that it's ok to feed your baby outside of what others deem to be appropriate, KWIM?

But feeding aside, I really think there are babies who need to cry more than others. You are doing a fabulous job.

[onthefly]

Read Barb's post. Then read it again.
Then click on the link in my signature - You're doing it RIGHT.