KL have you read 'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland?? It is awesome and has tips for all of the things you've written there. I HIGHLY recommend it. Ok, so some things I've picked up from the book that might help, or you may have already tried:

1. The whinging! The whingy whiny voice until she gets her own way, most times even tears over absolutely nothing until she's getting what she wants.

Don't give in! Decide quickly if you're prepared to give her what she wants this time or not. If it's no then stick to it. If you give in after a lot of whinging only a few times you will encourage her to whinge more. So this is going to be hard because at first she will try even harder and whinge more! But stand your ground! If she gets distressed comfort her and use calm soothing words tell her you understand it's frustrating when she doesn't get what she wants, etc, but don't give in. So she knows if she gets truly upset mummy is there for her but there are still rules and what mum says goes.


2. The shouting and demanding. She'll be in another room and just shout at you and call you over and over demanding what she wants. Even if you say 'please wait Ava' she'll still keep repeating and shouting what she wants over and over.

Try going to her and saying something like 'I'm really happy to talk to you about what you would like when your voice is quiet like mine'. Then go back to doing what you were doing and wait for her to come to you calmly. Pay no attention to her when she's using control and dominance as a way of asking for something. If you try and reason with her it will just reward her behaviour because she is engaging you and getting attention for it iykwim?


3. The hitting. She's been having these tantrums lately, again when she's not getting her own way and sometimes not even a full blown tantrum where she will see no problem with slapping me or close fisting me in the face (of course doesn't do it to daddy) This is one of the ones that is just really grinding my gears, i just hate being slapped in the face (by anyone lol )

Let her know that violence is never ok by using a type of time-out. Maybe save the time outs for only violence. Put her somewhere and tell her that you are putting her there because she did xyz and it's never ok to hurt someone.

4. Dinner time has just turned into a nightmare. Im a firm believer of not making 3-4 meals a night because she doesn't like what is put down in front of her. The dinners that I do make she usually loves but lately i'll put dinner down in front of her and she'll say NO! and push it to the side and cause a big fuss over it and want to get down from the table and go do whatever while me and dp eat. The negotiating part is just so draining. Its become every single dinner time before i've even gotten to the table with my own dinner she hasn't even tasted it, just looked at it and pushed it away.Or will have maybe 3 mouthfulls then say im done and want to hop down.

I would tell her the rules before you give her her dinner, i.e. this is what we're having, if you don't eat it there's nothing else for you and you'll have to wait until the morning. Don't negotiate. When she's finished I would just let her get down but leave her dinner there in case she changes her mind. Might be cold by then but too bad, lol. No negotiating!! This is what I do with DD anyway. I was getting sick of the throwing food and after about a week she got the idea.

5. The not listening..... ohh man this one is sooo hard and I realise maybe I need to learn a bit more patience but i'll ask her something she wont listen and I can feel teh stress and anxiety rise in me straight away. I don't want to have to keep repeating myself severel hundred times I just want her to do it the first time. By the end of the day I am so sick of the sound of my own voice of the No, stop that. Don't touch that, ava that's dangerous, ava put that down, no that's enough please etc etc. God even typing it makes my eye twitch lol This is also a problem when she asks for something and either me or my dp say no to so she's not getting her own way and will continue to ask and nag and carry on.

Because she's only little her brain is underdeveloped and she finds it really hard to switch from one task to another. So when you want her to do something try and pick a good time when she's not really involved in something or try giving her some warning, i.e. in 5 mins we have to get dressed, in 1 min...etc. When she does what you ask go overboard with the praise!! If she doesn't just pick her up and take her to do it, she's had warning. Don't keep asking and asking until she finally does it otherwise she'll just get used to nagging and tune it out, lol.

Maybe also pick your battles. Decide how much of a big deal things are. Be very firm when something is dangerous that she needs to stop immediately though. But sometimes I find I am saying 'No' all day and DD just ignores me coz I say it so much so I have to stop and think does it really matter? Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.

6. Sleep time. This kid knows how to work us I tell you what. She's put into bed she asks for all these different books ( I swear she goes to bed with like 7 books a night and sooo many of her toys) and then she'll lay there calling out "daddddyyyyy" and does it over and over, if you ignore her she gets even louder, whingy'er and then it turns into I want different books/more books, I want a drink, I threw my toy off the bed... this can go on anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and a half

Do you have a clear routine? I would make sure I had a clear routine that she knew so she knew what was coming next and announce the next step each time, i.e. now it's bath time, now we put on our pyjamas, now we will read 3 books, can you choose 3, now it's time for lights off. No negotiating on the number of books and when she goes to bed, she can have some little choices like which books and maybe which pyjamas so maybe she feels like she has a say?? And then ask if there's anything she needs before you leave, try to be prepared like she already has a drink beside her etc. And don't negotiate with her at bedtime, that's just making you stay longer and draw it out.


I hope something in there is helpful, some is from the book and some off the top of my head. I have been reading the parts on tantrums, discipline, etc recently.

Maybe also look at some things that might be causing her behaviour first before deciding how to act on it e.g. is she tired or hungry? Has she had any sugars or lollies or food additives that might have affected her? Is it bc of her underdeveloped brain?? (unable to cope with big emotions like disappointment/anger and needs help with them). Understimulation? Needing more attention from mum or dad today? Needs more structure in her day? Is she picking up on your stress?

From the book:

Are you activating the wrong part of your childs brain? Your way of relating to your child may be activating the wrong part of his brain. E.g. if you shout and issue endless commands - "Do this, don't do that" - you could be unwittingly activating the primitive RAGE and FEAR systems deep in the mammalian and reptilian parts of his brain. In contrast, lots of play, laughter, and cuddles are likely to activate the brain's PLAY and CARE system. These systems trigger the release of lovely calming opioids. So hey presto, you have a calm, contented child.
I should totally sell these books, pmsl.