Oh Hun I have had some bad experience with DD sleep, not quite as bad, but I was still feeling exhausted, stressed, frustrated, and like jumping out a window, so I can relate
Could you possibly try to break the association between feeding and sleeping? That was the only way I could help DDs sleep, she now only wakes between 2-3 times a night (unless she's sick) when a normal night was similar to yours.
I started by feeding her not lying down, not where she goes to sleep (in our case her cot next to our bed), in our case, the loungeroom, it's light, bright, etc, then (because my DD is older) I held her hand and walked her to the bedroom and said to her "it's sleepy time" and lied her down and tried to put her to sleep. Eventually as time went on I increased the time between feed and sleep, so feed 10 mins before sleep, 15, 20, 30 etc. now she doesn't need a feed to go to sleep, I've found she's sleeping better, starting to put herself to sleep (while I'm with her) and is able to (somewhat) self settle because she knows she doesn't NEED a feed to go to sleep.
If you know roughly when she'll need sleep, perhaps you could feed her before you know she'll be wanting sleep, like 5 mins before, then slowly increase the time of feeds before sleep?
It was somewhat easier for me because she didn't feed TO sleep, because she has a dummy, but she just needed a feed to get to sleep. ITMS? I don't know if your DD is like that.
If she is fed to sleep, I've heard of the Pantley pull off method, I don't really know anything about it, but perhaps it's worth looking into?
Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks
I second (or whatever we're up to now) The No-Cry Sleep Solution. It helped me come up with some ideas (for my older son, I'm just muddling along with another non-sleeper now). She's a bit too hard core about the way they go to sleep first time at night setting the tone for the rest of the night- it's rubbish because my fed-to-sleep baby started sleeping through the night while still being fed-to-sleep.
But I used her methods to help me teach my son to self-settle during the day (at about 9-10 months old). I was feeling over touched and ready to throw him across the room with all the work I was going through getting him to sleep. I modified the pull off method to a put down-pick down method of rocking him to sleep then putting him down almost asleep, picking him up when he cried and then doing it again. It took about 2 hours to get him down the first week and it was killing me but eventually he got it and he started self settling for his day sleeps and I was a new happy mum again. I tried a bunch of comfort toys too and he attached to a muslin blankie and a musical pull-toy on his cot.
Then at about 14-16 months old I started night weaning. My aim was to feed only twice a night but he caught on quickly and went to one feed a night then a couple of months later started sleeping through.
You will get there but if you're struggling this much I would start doing something as a protective mechanism.
Hugs hun. I know how you feel. My DS2 is still sleeping terribly at 15mths, and I'm alot like you with the CIO, I just couldn't do it.
I have no advice as I am pretty much where you're at too. Just hugs and some sympathy I will be reading the advice with great interest!
Oh PZ, I'm sorry you're in this situation. My dd was like that too and I know those feelings. I used to imagine throwing her out the window sometimes. It's just severe sleep deprivation, and you can get through this.
Basically you have two options. Try and change the baby, or try and change what you do to cope with her waking. Where are you living? Are you on your own?
If you need to change the baby, I would also recommend the no cry sleep solution (I can send you my copy if you need). It's good advice, centered on baby's needs.
If you can change your own sleep, I would recommend someone take dd for a few hours each afternoon so you can sleep. Is that possible? You need to catch up big time. At around your dd's age I was loosing the plot (except she did that from birth) and I was weeping all the time. Only sleep helps. I went to visit my family in the country and slept and slept and slept.
This too shall pass. I am currently up for hours on end with a party animal one year old! They each cope with developmental changes differently.
My DD's nights were like that, and it really sucks. I got some help from the no cry sleep solution - not a quick fix but it is good for gentle ideas that are worth trying, and secondly just from time. Over time, DD slowly began to sleep longer periods. Not sure how old your LO is now (and whether this is a comfort or not), but we had major advancements in her sleep abilities at 12 months, 15 months (she first slept through the night ) and again at 18 months.
Moving to a sidecar cot (from bedsharing) took awhile to achieve, but it really helped with the feeling touched out thing. even if it is only for part of the night - dd started in the cot and then joined me later - gave me better headspace.
i tried to introduce a comfort toy for a long time before it happened (prob 9 - 12 months) but now DD has 2. they go to bed with her and she brings them out with her in the morning. worth persisting with, but don't stress if it doesn't seem to be happening.
Hugs PZ, I have no advice, just wanted to say I know how you're feeling, my dd just turned 1 and has slept how you've described your night for probably about 7 months of that year. I don't know why/how as nothing changed, but she just one night got herself together and started sleeping through! (Usually) I know you probably know this, but I really find sleep promotes sleep. DD as a newborn and small baby could go all day with a couple of cat naps, then be up every couple of hours a night. She sleeps more now as a 1 year old than she has her whole life!! Hope your dd follows this path too!!
Eta: my hubby works nights so I know what its like to do alllll night by yourself, and when ur bfing you're really the only one who can help anyways!! On weekends my DH would get up with her in the mornings sometimes so I could have a nap....could DH come over in the morning after breaky or something and play with dd or take her for s walk or something so you could nap? I know its not solving any long term sleep issues, but I always found it a bit easier to cope with some sleep under my belt. Just don't let him give her a nap lol so she might sleep when she's back with you.
big hugs jazzy is only just now getting better as she is STARTING (lol) to wean from booby she had a few good stints i have no advice really just supportive hugs
Huge sympathy PZ, I remember your pain so well. My suggestions would be to try and encourage Isla to take a larger feed overnight, to stop her waking an hour later for the second breast. It may be that she is only dozing between snacks, rather than sleeping between meals iyswim. So perhaps try techniques like tickling her toes, putting a cool facewasher on her belly or changing her nappy after she has a feed off one breast so she will be more awake and will take the second breast, then hopefully sleep longer.
If this hasn't worked then my next tip would be to offer a sip of water when she wakes. Normally I would not try this with a baby under 12 months but as long as you are not replacing a milk meal with water then I suspect it will be ok, but you might want to check that with the ABA. With my twins this tip taught them that there was no point waking up because water wasn't what they wanted, but I needed to stop them waking for a little sip of breastmilk because they were each waking 5 or 6 times a night and I was in zombieland. If they were genuinely hungry they would let me know and I would set the water aside and feed them.
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