Please help me. DD's sleep.

[Eenee]

As you know DD is a shocking sleeper. But we have recently had two night where she has slept through till about 0530 for like the first time ever! So there is hope. Dd is also fed to sleep if she wakes overnight but being pregnant it is hard with the sensitivity. So when she wakes and won't got to sleep without boob I say cuddles with mummy or in the cot (kind of mean I know but I was desperate) an if she still cries being in my arms I place her in the cot (we have two and this one is near our bed) for like a few seconds no more (like sometimes I don't even let go of her) and pick her up again and say cuddles with mummy or in the cot and if she is crying I repeat the process. But usually she will put her head on my shoulder and let me cuddle he so I can lay down and it has made a huge difference to her when she wasn't responding to anything else. Some nights it won't work and I will feed her because figure something more is wrong. Or at times I will get her up and offer her water...haha cos i don't know what else to do.

[blackduckies]

Huge hugs on the sleep dep..as a mum of 5 I can honestly say you NEVER get used to it. In saying that I don't sleep very well now even though I could, I think years of sleep dep has ruined me.
We co sleep, and co sleep and co sleep with how ever many need to share our bed, and we move beds if nessecary. In saying that our oldest kids sleep very well in their own beds now, that seemed to happen naturally around 3 years old, thye felt secure in the knowledge we are available to them when ever.

I think your DD is so tired she does'nt have the energy to sleep or eat properly, and so the cycle begins. I would bet she is hungry for solids but until she can sleep properly she does'nt have the interest, she is suffering sleep dep as well. Teeth I reckon are an issue (maybe try a natural teething relief, if she can't resettle, rejects the dummy, you know the cry is different and they really can't settle).

You do need to try and get a nap in at some point...to take the edge off!

Proper night feed still up in the lounge room both sides, nappy change in between then off to bed with a boobie cuddle top up.. just as they doze off I gently remove myself..I let them lay on my arm facing me then after about 10 mins ( 10 mins they are in a deeper sleep pattern, so usually gently transfer without waking) transfer to the cot next to the bed it helps to have a piece of your clothing there for the smell of you( 8-10 months of age) they mostly stayed asleep for a few hours before waking and transfer back to the big bed, but it helps. When they come back in I sleep them on my tummy... my arm..try and face them away from me, less boobie temptation but I don't BF them. I would try water, and definately keep the dummy, it will eventually work, jsut keep poping it back in ..I have one who sucks her thumb now, much better sticking with the dummy if you can.
If I did feed again it would'nt be the next time they wake and I would hop up maybe around 2-3am so they get through to 6am the next time. They learn that boobie is not on offer when ever and feed accordingly, when that happens sleep follows.( I would also tell her gently its not boobie time, its sleep time) It is hard but it gets better quickly, she may cry, but she will also know that she can trust you to be there, its not like leaving her to cry it out.

I think you will find she might still wake but will settle next to you without being BF back off to sleep. All the every best, I hope you can take something away from this if not Pinky MacKay is not far away, in no time at all you will be thinking why did that seem so hard??

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I cant offer any practical advice, but I have been reading along as Im really struggling with our 5-6 wake ups most nights and was hoping there might be some hope for me in here as well. I wake up to the alarm for work each morning and just want to cry myself back to sleep. Hopefully you find something that works for you and Isla soon. I think the clock makes it worse. I find that when i am actively checking the time i feel much less rested. Chiro has done wonders for us in the past also.

[FabFiona]

Do you want my copy of No Cry Solution? We worked out that our presence was stimulating our son so leaving him was better. Not my choice but it worked for us.

If you PM me you address I'll send it to you.

[sushee]

Sweetheart,

Remember I told you how Charlie woke up every two hours until he was a year old? I know it made me a cranky, moody zombie and I hated it but my best advice to you is very similar to MadB's: do whatever is easiest.

I just went with it. I put him in bed with me and I did what I needed to for him to settle as quickly and painlessly as possible. And eventually he learned to self-settle. And that's the thing: self-settling is something they eventually learn - some sooner, others later. Though in Miss I's defence, the poor thing has a uncomfy brace on and I don't know if I could self-settle if I had to wear one of those all night.

So while you're going to have to do this anyway, take the path of least resistance. Feed her and doze while you do. And if you are becoming a zombie, ask a friendly neighbourhood husband, relative or friend ( ) to babysit for 3-4 hours so you can crash for a little bit. She's doing BLS so honestly she won't starve in that time.

So my advice is more about finding ways for YOU to get more rest than finding alternative ways to settle her, because as you know, trying to put in new 'methods' in the middle of the night is not conducive to sanity.

[Jellyfish]

Sweetheart,

Remember I told you how Charlie woke up every two hours until he was a year old? I know it made me a cranky, moody zombie and I hated it but my best advice to you is very similar to MadB's: do whatever is easiest.

I just went with it. I put him in bed with me and I did what I needed to for him to settle as quickly and painlessly as possible. And eventually he learned to self-settle. And that's the thing: self-settling is something they eventually learn - some sooner, others later. Though in Miss I's defence, the poor thing has a uncomfy brace on and I don't know if I could self-settle if I had to wear one of those all night.

So while you're going to have to do this anyway, take the path of least resistance. Feed her and doze while you do. And if you are becoming a zombie, ask a friendly neighbourhood husband, relative or friend ( ) to babysit for 3-4 hours so you can crash for a little bit. She's doing BLS so honestly she won't starve in that time.

So my advice is more about finding ways for YOU to get more rest than finding alternative ways to settle her, because as you know, trying to put in new 'methods' in the middle of the night is not conducive to sanity.

I agree with this. Trying to change things when you're already sleep deprieved can be really difficult and stressful... I think you might just need more support FOR you while your DD needs more support FROM you you're doing so well and it really doesn't last forever... although it can last a long time and it super hard whilst in the thick of it. My DD finally slept through the night at 2yrs and 8months (now only wakes probably once or twice a month but I pinch myself every morning haha) just in time for me to start over with DD2... DD1 was still waking 1.5-2hrly at 1 and 2-3hrly at 2 but the point is, it did happen and without pushing to nightwean or stopping feeding to sleep (she still does now at 3 lol) and I think she really did just need the extra calories during the night as she has such a fast metabolism. With DD2 it is so obvious she has a different metabolism and she already sleeps longer stretches so I think sometimes it is just the baby... even now my DD1 wakes up in the morning pointing to her tummy and signing for cut (sore) as she is so hungry!

[kbean]

Hi PumpkinZulu,

My DS is 8 months old and is also a frequent waker at night; 5-6-7 times is normal for us. I am also exhausted as he has been like this since he was about 3 months old. I really dread going to bed for the night. My DS wouldn't let me spoon feed him at all so we are also doing BLS - this means that while he loves to play with his food and have a gnaw on anything that comes his way, like you said not too much ends up going down.

We recently went to a "gentle" (it wasn't) sleep clinic and I came home in tears. Although we aren't following their methods (basically CIO while they tell you it's ok), the nurse (who was also a MW and LC) did give us some useful tips which have helped us a bit. Firstly she pointed out that as DS isn't getting too much in the way of solid food, his night feeds as well as frequent day feeds are obviously still his main source of nutrition. So while he doesn't need to feed 6-7 times a night he does probably still need to feed a couple of times overnight. She said that these feeds need to be full feeds i.e not sucking for 2 mins to get back to sleep. She said try to keep him awake or at least sucking strongly for the overnight feeds, making sure he gets both sides at each feed, then hopefully he might be able to transition between sleep cycles a bit easier with a fuller tummy. I treat him like he was a newborn - tickling his feet, ribs, making clicking noises to keep him a bit more awake on there! We're doing this and finding that we are getting a longer stretch (2-3) hours between feeds on some nights now.

I'm sure it's been mentioned already (haven't had a chance to read all the other replies) but the No Cry Sleep Solution has some great ideas. But obviously you have to find the right time to start - when you've got the energy and the motivation to do it. Sometimes I just feel so exhausted I honestly just can't be bothered to change things or just think that it will fix itself. I've found it's much easier to put ideas into practice during the day, when you're a bit more awake and there's not that sense of urgency about just getting back to sleep asap.

The other thing the MW mentioned was that obviously DS has no desire to change things - he's got everything he needs, every time he wakes up he gets a nice full tummy of milk and some cuddles! So expect to meet resistance basically. I agree with this to a point but think that changes can be made gently but it takes time, patience and consistency as well as flexibility if things aren't working. You'll get there, it sounds like you've got great support from everyone here too! Big hugs fatigue is so hard to deal with and just affects every aspect of your life. It sounds like you're doing a great job handling it all. Sometimes it's good just to hear that there are other people out there also not getting much sleep and that eventually you will...although I'm sure it seems like an eternity away!

Hope some of that helps anyway!

[Rowellen]

PZ, I have read some but not all the replies. I'm sorry if I'm repeating what's already been said. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone (and clearly I'm not either judging by the number of replies so far!) and let you know my experience. It's tough during these first few months/years. It does get easier.

So IME - weaning DD off the dummy was a disaster. We have tried twice & now she is back on it. She just wanted to suck suck suck all the time so if I didn't give her the dummy, she was attached to the boob, overfilling her little tummy & giving herself bad tummy pains that would wake her if I did on the odd occassion manage to detach her. Many people have told me that getting rid of the dummy was what we had to do. We even paid $45 to be told this. No luck.

Teeth - for my DS, his first signs of teething started at 3 months at the same time as most of the other babies in our mum's group. He got his first one at 7 months. His 2yo molars showed signs for 7 months before finally making their appearance. It was horrible. DD is proving to be the same. She is working on her 6th tooth (her 4th in the last 2 months!) Sometimes, giving her panadol works to get about a 4 -5 hour stretch out of her. Sometimes it is enough to feel human again after night after night of waking every 1 -2 hours for up to 3 hours at a time! I don't like to give her panadol all the time but I also don't like her to be in pain. I try to use other pain relief methods during the day such as biting hard biscuits, cold teething toys, letting her gum my finger. That last one is probably a bad idea as she can't differentiate between gums & teeth.

DS didn't sleep through the night regularly until after he got his 2yo molars at 30 months and also after we gave his dummy to the dummy fairy at 33months.

I have written several posts on here about how I'm not coping. Some days are better than others. I really struggle some days especially after one of those nights. On really bad days, I often call my mum or MIL. I'm very lucky that they live close by, I trust them and one or the other can usually help if only to entertain the kids for an hour so I can catch up on rest. Would your mum/MIL or a friend be able to help you?

So if you got through that, well done! The main points are:
You are not alone
It will get better

What worked for me was:
Keeping the dummy
Panadol while waiting for teeth to arrive
Grandparents!

[PumpkinZulu]

Oh wow, so many replies and so much awesome advice! I'll be back later to reply individually, but just wanted to quickly say that I tried some suggestions last night, and I did cope marginally better with everything.

[xXHopeXx]

That sounds good

I just had a look in her mouth, and she's cut 3 teeth...she had two before that. But surely teething doesn't take 3 months? Or does it?

DD did! She was teething from 3 months but didn't get a tooth til 6-6 1/2 months, and after that no teeth til about 9-10 months! So it definitely does happen

Oh and another thing I've found with DD is sometimes she gets into a vicious overtired circle which can take days to get rid of, she is overtired so can't sleep properly, but needs sleep in order to sleep better, which I learnt from the NCSS book.

I can't recommend breaking the association between feed and sleep, doesn't mean you have to feed her less, but just not feed straight before sleep, except at night ITMS. Could also offer water, but DD used to point blank refuse that. Scream and scream if i tried and got herself so worked up! So it wasn't something that worked for us


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks

[onthefly]

For me PZ, the turning point was realising that my kids don't have a sleep problem, I do. It's me that isn't getting enough. I can't change them, but sometimes I can change my circumstances so I'm better off. Make sense? We always make it about the child, but so often it really isn't them doing anything but what they need to do.