Is it possible to be an Attached parent AND have a tidy house?

[jackrose]

Define tidy

I certainly am with you on the "better to be with my kids than have a tidy house" and often wear our chaos as a badge of pride. As long as the kids are happy!

And Krystals,

My hubby and I had ONE conversation about this and I'm hoping to keep it that way. I asked him a simple question. At the end of his life, would he be happier to look back and see that his kids had involved parents, or say 'thankgod the house was tidy'.

That is such an awesome point!

Still, I do try to find a balance, mostly to help my sanity when I am at home all day with the kids and to help them keep focused on their play. I find that if things are too chaotic, their play is less focused and it just creates more mayhem.

I have recently developed a system - which mum helped me implement when she visited where we try to pack up as we go (generally) and then have a pack up time at 5 before sitting down to dinner. Before that, I felt DD1 (now 3) was too young, then when DD2 arrived I found that I couldn't sort anything out as I was just holding it together with 2 kids. Since Mum sorted out out current system a few months ago (she is a retired Kinder teacher so has quite a knack for getting the kids organised!) I have been so much more on top of everything and the kids seem happier too!

I follow a couple of guidelines which keep me and the kids happy
- I always give DD a warning a few minutes prior to cleaning up that we are about to play the pack up song and tidy up so that she has time to work through and wind up her play
- I respect her play if she needs to finish her game, that is, I don't make her stop but allow her to choose when it is over
- We make pack up fun by choosing what she will be in charge of putting away (rather than all they toys she takes charge of just the books or just the blocks etc) that way she avoids feeling overwhelmed.
- We also make it fun by having a special song we sing and a race to get it all done.
- If DDs play or game is really involved I do negotiate leaving it out to continue the next day and pack up around it. I think it is important to respect children's play and involved games.
- I stick with it as the routine of pack up, dinner, wind down bed seems to form part of that whole 'knowing what to expect' safety net that children respond so well to. I never thought I would be able to do a routine as I am so much of a go with the flow person but I do find this is worth it. (Mind you, it is always a flexible routine if needed)

During the day I try to keep on top of the mess by focusing on one game, task, or play focus at one time - give or take. Sometimes I will tidy up a bit a game that has been left and sometimes I will ask DD to help me do it before moving on to the next. It depends on so many things, but mostly I treat it as a respect thing. I expect all of us who use the house to have the space to be creative and do our own thing but to recognise that we need to keep things tidy to allow us all to do that. At 3 it is a bit of a stretch for DD to 'see' that is what she is doing by tidying up, but I think she is learning from observing us. I also recognise that at Kinder she is expected to tidy up the play when she is done so I think this age is a good one to start implementing it at home. At 2years old I never expected it of her and I certainly don't of DD2 (1 year) However, she joins in the pack up time anyway - as a game!

I also try to balance the time I spend playing with them and the time I spend on other things. I try to engage in both DD's play but separate myself at times as well. "How about you set up the horses and I will be over in a minute to run them around the racetrack with you" sort of thing. This way I still get things done and time to myself if necessary!

Today I saw the benefit of my systems when i left the girls with DH for 2 hours for the first time in months. I came home to CHAOS with things strewn all over the house and about 10 games/activities started and abandoned. Apart from it highlighting for me why I always feel it is more work to get time off from the kids

So another solution might be that if you were able to leave your Dh with the kids for a bit he might see what real mess is like mine did

[Gigi]

i think you're on the right track, thinknig of a tidying up game, my 4yo likes that, and has done for last few years.

i don't cope well with volume (lots of toys) and neither does she (gets overwhelmed).

We made the decision to simplify life, reduce the number of toys and did that (for me it was rehoming all the battery toys, majority of the plastic toys, anything franchised, and the toys she had grown out of). Every family would have their own priorities, for what is most important to keep. Culling was majorily influenced for me, by living in a small unit, that was the initial motivation.

ANother thing i often hear of, to work on managing the volume (i think it's for people who don't want to cull the toys, and have heaps of storage) is to ROTATE the toys. Pack up half the toys. bring them out in a month's time. Pack away current toys.

I had to work out my parenting style, to work out our criteria.

So with the volume of toys reduced, my next step was BETTER STORAGE. For us, this meant buying a cube bookshelf (4 x 3), and the cane baskets to fit into the cube shapes.

then the toys were organised. e.g anything with wheels in one basket, the trainset in one basket, the food toys and teaset in one box, the animals in one box, the block in one box, the jigsaws in one box, dressups in one box, etc etc.

all of these things, i thought - i'll try it, we can always change it if it doens't work out/suit us. but havne't had to.

The guideline in our place is "only get out ONE basket at a time. pack that basket up, before getting anything else out".

Then when i walk into her room, or the living room and have nowhere to walk (tiny place, but still), i put on my mock voice "oh no, the naughty gnomes have been again" - she loves this, giggles, and packs up the basket. It's usually when she's stopped playing, has walked off, and forgotten to pack up. in the beginning, when i was getting her used to this idea, i would sing songs, instead of telling her instructions, so that made it into a game too.

i have no experience doing any of this with two kidlets, i have one child, but sometimes i get ideas from people with different family numbers than ours, so i'm just putting it out there, JIC.

different things work for different kids, different families.

i have a three section dirty laundry sorter, so i can sort as i go, saves me time. i often fill the washing machine, but don't press go, so that the next day, when it's suits me, i can just press "go" and walk out the door, or whatever i have to do. Cos i think it's the sorting that takes most time/effort.

i would look at WHICH messy aspects is getting your dh down the most.
Is there any way to reduce the mess being made in the first place?
And something my OH (before we spilt) would NEVER do, was to rinse dishes before putting them on the sink. i found it greatly increased my dishwashing time, to have to scrub dried on food remnants. (drove me crazy).

Some housework you can turn into a game. My child has loved pegging up tiny laundry, e.g her own knicker, socks, singlets, tees etc. I discovered this late on, apparently you can do this with a just walking toddler.

my toddler used to make a pile of nappy inserts, facewashers and make pairs of the socks (which i would then ball up). she loved the matching game of it. All the facewashers together, like a tower. she worked that one out all on her own, so then i made a point of repeating that with her.

and some people find that a 3yo and a sink of lukewarm soapy water, is a good way to keep them entertained, and you even get a few plastic plates/bowls washed - all you have to do is rinse the bubbles off at a later time. Another one i discovered a bit late.

some people do outdoor play, to reduce inside mess. depends what your backyard is like.

i think it takes time to adjust to children and mess. when you're surrounded by it all day, it's not as obvious as when your OH walks in and sees it all of a sudden. Life with children IS different.

you create a family together, you BOTH work all day, i personally think a combined tidy up would take less time, and make you feel like a team. Reduce the chances of you feeling resentful.


best of luck, some things you just gotta let go, when the kids are tiny. (i havne't had breakable things out for years LOL). and at your youngest's age, i had to box up the books, cos my LO loved to thrown them all on the floor, one by one, OVER AND OVER (it was a low, wide bookshelf).

and i loved BABY GATES, so i could keep some areas relatively ok. Reducing the amount of areas that could be trashed, as well as keeping her out of unsafe areas (bathroom). It worked for me, cos if she had free rein, i felt too anxious, that NOWHERE would be as i left it.

differnt things work for different people, i hope you find what you're after. Hearing what everyone else does, really helped me (come up with new things to try out).

[meow]

It's called a cleaner

I don't have one yet but we'll be hiring one soon for a good floor/bathroom etc clean every week. I don't have the time/opportunity.