Rewards and Praise: The Poisoned Carrot

[anney]

Joh,
I suscribe to that website where the article comes from and there really are some great articles. I have used quite a few of them. That one is really interesting. I think there needs to be a balance in everything and too much reward and praise is not good and so is too little.
My concern is with the situation Carrie described. I worry that we are bringing up children that are used to being rewarded and praised and in reality life is not like that all the time, as Carrie's friend is finding. Of course it will vary with other influences people have in their lives. Personally I want my child to have a sense of independence and an inherent sense of self worth ie. not having to get that from other people's praise and reward. I would love a magic formula to instill that in my child

[LG]

Yeah i found that chapter really interesting too (its in Grilles book Parenting for a Peaceful World - one of my fav thought-provoking books!). It's hard to retrain ourselves though, probably because the most familar way to parent is the way we were parented, and my parents definately used a lot of praise. I don't think i was damaged by it , and TBH I've always been proud that my parents used that method rather than physical punishment

Evan just drew on his chalk board and wanted me to look at it - my natural reaction was to say "well done, that looks great!" but since i'd just read that article I instead said "oh i love the blue squiggles! Did you enjoy drawing that?". i need something on the fridge to remind me of alternatives to praise i think!!