toddler annoying baby

[Jaapie]

Oh Hi Katie Rabbit - I was just signing on to re-post my troubles. I am at my wits end. Every time he goes near her, he's doing something he shouldn't. He's going to start resenting her because he's always being told ... don't, not, stop, etc.

I try to let the small stuff slide but it's more than I can allow. I've tried:

• turning my back on him when I'm holding her
• saying "if you can't play gently with Jade, then you can't play with her"
• explaining that he's her big brother, she's little, we have to look after her
• showing him how she's not happy when he does that and we want her to be happy
• gave him a stamp after his day nap because he'd been gentle all morning (that was on Sat, we were at a party all day Sun, so he didn't interact with her much. And today he's been too rough by 11am so the stamp was revoked)
• leaving the room with her when he's shouting at her

None of it seems to have ANY impact. He was pretty into the stamp idea, but how long is that going to appeal and I want him to WANT to be gentle with her. When he's having a good day, I can often re-direct his attention: get him to hold the toy away from her face so she can see it (instead of grinding it into her face), point out how she smiles at him then, etc, etc. But on a bad day . . . I am really gushing with praise when he is gentle with her, or interacts positively and I tell him all day how much I love him. I give him as many kisses and cuddles as I can, especially after b/fing her (quite a big issue for him I think). And I spend every possible minute with him (in between laundry and cooking dinner, etc).

I feel all teary today. He has always been such a lovely, gentle boy, it's distressing to see him doing this. I know it's partly an age thing. . . and I know it's coming from his insecurity, but I just don't know what else I can try that will make them both happy.

Got any ideas?