Unsolicited advice and criticism - what you want to say or have said

[christy]

at the lice comments Cailin!! I would have said "we keep his hair dirty and greasy to keep the lice away, you know they only like clean hair?"

[Nelle]

Ahhh yes. As if I'd cut Riv's hair! Mmmm, so scrummy and celebrity-child-like. Tell you what I get:

Blonde hair! Who does he get that off?
- I had an affair.

Cloth nappies...blah blah blah (I don't really listen).
- Sometimes disposables explode.

It's irresponsible not to immunise your children.
- Jesus wasn't immunised.

I do try to reason with people as much as I can, an honest question deserves an honest answer. Although, sometimes to say 'yes, yes' in a soothing tone is the best way to deal with old biddies, they feel they've been heard, you get left alone, win win.

If someone was really having a go though, I suppose I'd just say 'we're really happy with the way we parent'. Or 'our parenting choices aren't up for debate today'. They're good blanket comments.

All the best, make sure you practice your lines of choice though, so they come naturally at the moment you need them, and you're not like 'umm ahh...your mum'. Or something. And don't doubt your parenting because of people who haven't won the right to be heard, stick with people who share the same philosophies for your discussions, so you know it's safe to share your concerns.

[paradise lost]

Are you STILL BFing? You should really stop!

OMG! Are you not!? Is that even SAFE? Aren't you worried about him/her!? Is that good for his/her development?! (basically anything anyone can say that is "bad" about BFing can be turned around for this).

Oh, thank goodness you're here to give genital advice - i REALLY need to do something about my pubic hair!

I'm going to, in about 3 minutes when he's finished...

Still only one kid eh?

- Yes, i had a severe anal prolapse after the birth, so we're waiting until the dangling bits are back where they should be (NOT a slight against those unfortunate enough to have suffered any kind of prolapse, it's just i've not found ANYTHING people would rather not talk about more than anal prolapse).

- What!? He's an identical twin! His brother's with his dad, we swap each weekends...

- I know! It turns out we've been using the wrong hole all this time - he's pretty much a medical miracle himself!

Bx

[Sammiejane]

- I know! It turns out we've been using the wrong hole all this time - he's pretty much a medical miracle himself!

Oh that killed me!

when people asked me when i was pg why i didnt find out the sex of our baby i found that it was getting annoying explaining over and over that its no more convenient to not find out... so i started saying when people asked me what i was having ... A Horse/elephant/monkey what ever took my fancy that day and explained that it was necessary to find out so that we could make necessary sleeping arrangements and also have tailor made clothes...

Anyway i have a general apology to make to all those that dont cut hair... i, in the past thought that it was weird and would raise my eyebrows at a friend that had a little boy who never had a haircut and at 4 yrs old had hair to his waist.

I dont understand the reason behind it, sorry for hijaking, (if someone could explain i would appreciated it) but i am sorry that i made comments, as i know how annoying it is to be told things about the way that i parent..

The ones that i get a lot are, why dont you switch to FF before she gets teeth, cloth nappies yuck, how could you do that to your baby (to which i reply how could YOU do disposables to your baby, chemicals etc)

[Smoke Jaguar]

Sammijane - I don't think there's a 'hair philosophy' I can help you out with! My own reasons are various: he looks cute with long hair, it's curly and seems to be growing out straight and I"m hanging on to what could be the last vestiges of curl (maybe until puberty, maybe ever!), the curly ends are still sunkissed from last summer and it looks interesting because of it, because I'm not going to give him his first haircut so that strangers might know he's a boy (he doesn't care what he is or what sex he looks like right now and whoever doesn't know doesn't need to know), I don't want to take the chance that when it's cut he'll be really upset and I would like him to have more understanding when the time comes for him to make that decision. As I have curly hair, I know how to manage his hair, so DP's argument about it being messy is bollocks, because now he knows the magic a bit of conditioner can weave for that 'problem'! Also, DP's argument about it getting in his eyes is now redundant because his fringe is now long enough (no thanks to MIL's trimming it - neatly - in summer without my knowledge) to tuck behind his ears and sweep away... he he. I think that covers it in our case!

[Rahjah]

Oh I just found this thread and have been reading it, wavering between horror at the stories and PSML at some of your responses. What a nerve of those GPs! Grr! I've always had a tough time (through infertility and pregnancy) with other people's 'advice' and opinions that flow forth! I didn't realise it's about to start all over again with #2 child! Doh!

I have had troubles with ppl's commentary on our parenting...my question is... What do you do when people come to STAY?

We've just moved interstate and in the next 2 months have 2 lots of friends (CCers) and one MIL (Argh the worst) coming to stay. And yes, we're cosleeping, BFing, cloth nappy crazies. It's the co-sleeping that kills people I reckon. And that I stay with him till he goes to sleep for his sleeps. But we really are generally happy that way...I DON"T want to enter into it, I'm NOT interested in their comment or discussion and I don't know how to avoid it when they are staying in our house!
I'm so stressed about the visits.

BUT. I think I'll have to write out some of your responses and be brave

On a diff note...I don't get why anyone cares if your DS's have long hair? WTF? I honestly can't get my head around why it matters?

Anyway I'm mulling over a response that isn't entirely rude but makes the point, if i come up with it I'll let ya know But I love the idea of turning the question back> i think that's a goer (although for my MIL I might need something much more pointed)...


Oh one more thing. I don't like saying "it's cause I'm lazy" because that just gives them even more sense of righteousness. PLUS gentle parenting is anything but lazy days!

[Matryoshka]

I've used this before and it worked a treat! person was so apologetic:

"Wow i usually get so many positive comments about DS's behaviour and our parenting..."

(make them look like the weirdo for questioning you)