Can you talk to the staff members who do deal with the mother alot to get their vibes on her? They might have an instinct of whether she knows the guidelines and is still choosing this way, or whether she really isn't that aware..

Reason I ask, my previous childcare for DD often made suggestions when I was or wasn't doing something that they felt was necessary or unnecessary for the age.. Maybe she would appreciate some educated advice, but speaking to the ones who see Mum or Dad most might have an idea of how she would react..

But I don't envy your position having to do something totally different to your instincts..