Vent: *Shudder* It goes against all my mummy instincts!

[Curly]

It must be so hard to go against all your instincts and care for a baby in the exact opposite way you would care for a baby of your own. I do not envy you at all.

Sounds to me like this mother wants this baby to sleep through the night and not wake her up so she is following all that old advice about filling him up with food and formula and making him settle himself off to sleep, not making a rod for her own back and all that crap.

I could say a lot more but I probably shouldn't...so let's just leave it at that. But I would feel exactly the same way as you.

[MrsFabuloso]

I could say a lot more but I probably shouldn't...so let's just leave it at that. But I would feel exactly the same way as you.

Exactly. I am so glad I don't deal with mum. I don't think she's a bad parent or anything. But these things are all just so against my instincts as a parent and what I have done with my own babies. I am really trying to see things from her perspective and I don't want to say the wrong thing to her if I ever do need to deal with her (which is possible when I do full days sometimes). I know she would be doing it all from the best perspective for her family, no one wants to do the wrong thing by their baby or family. I just wonder if she's researched these things much, or if she's done much reading or what ever....?

[MrsFabuloso]

Tellytubby, I know it seems harsh what she is doing, but as I said I don't deal with the family alot, and I really don't think she's doing it because she doesn't love him or anything. I just really think this is all she's been taught and it's what seems to be working for them as a family. I don't feel comfortable judging her for any of it, I'm just syaing that it all feels so wrong for me to do because it's not what I do kwim? I have learnt things about why usinf slow flow teats help with reflux and vommiting, I learnt why it's not advised to give solids under 6ish mths, I learnt why it's gentler to co sleep and not to leave baby crying to sleep. I'm betting this is just what others have told her work for them so she is trying what they have said works. As I said I'm sure she's acting in his best interests.
And BTW I do just cuddle him all the time when I'm there with him. He's soooo gorgeous and makes me so clucky!!

[~Kim~]

oh Kell, that's tough.
The solids thing is a real worry though. Can the director not have a chat with mum and tell her how ill advised that is?

[Doing my best]

Can you talk to the staff members who do deal with the mother alot to get their vibes on her? They might have an instinct of whether she knows the guidelines and is still choosing this way, or whether she really isn't that aware..

Reason I ask, my previous childcare for DD often made suggestions when I was or wasn't doing something that they felt was necessary or unnecessary for the age.. Maybe she would appreciate some educated advice, but speaking to the ones who see Mum or Dad most might have an idea of how she would react..

But I don't envy your position having to do something totally different to your instincts..

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've had the opposite - one member of staff at DS's nursery telling me I should let him cry, another staff suggest I hit him to stop him hitting me. I told both that I don't agree with that, but the cryer woman just kept going on and on about it. Yes, you're old and have raised your children. Yes, I'm young-ish (in my mind) and am still raising a child - let me make my own mistakes, not repeat yours!

TBH, I never took offence at "why don't you try..." unless I'd already explained why I didn't do that. Because I'm secure in my parenting I suppose - it is annoying to have strangers suggesting CIO methods or thinking slings are bad but I can hope that they won't try it again with a less confident mother after talking to me. It's education: I learnt this myself, these people learnt something else. It's great to share what we know! That's what they do, that's what I do.

Hopefully this woman isn't aware of anything other than what her mother and MiL are telling her to do, so a differing solution may be welcomed.

[Fleur]

But I would feel exactly the same way as you.

Hmm yeah, me too. That must be so hard for you to cope with.
Yes, she probably is following advice, although she has an older child, so it might be that she is doing what worked for her last time, or perhaps she is trying to avoid certain problems she had last time?

I agree with everyone else's advice, maybe see if someone can have a word to her & just let her know of the current guidelines....other than that, I don't know.

BTW - I'm not sure I understand the benefit of him being fed in a rocker, someone still has to hold the bottle don't they? Why not just hold him? am I missing something?

[Michelle71]

Sounds very much like the TH routine coming out. Feeds on a set schedule with a set volume that must be taken, introduction of solids at 16w, increased volume to *promote* sleeping all night SIL did this and it is something I choose not to discuss because it is COMPLETELY opposite to my parenting style.

Anyway - enough from me. It makes my blood boil and it is not worth discussing because it makes me soooooooo angry and sad for the baby.

[sneakysparkle]

your post seriously made me cry. That poor little darling