Weaning and sleeping for 20mth old

[~Saram~]

Ok I'm about to go and have a nice long soak with both my No Cry Sleep Solution, My ABA breastfeeding book and Pinky McKays toddler book but I would love some personal stories and ideas to run with too.

The situation is thus...

Sleeping - Ari has never been a sleeper. At 6mth a dr recommended we sedate her to get some rest as we had tried everything and nothing worked. Needless to say we didn't and have since discovered it was due to food intolerances. So she hasn't had the best start to sleeping but now only wakes 1-2 times a night (once around midnight-2am and again early morning 5am). She now has 1 daytime sleep although this varies greatly in length and time down as we don't have a predictable household routine (which there isn't much we can do about) She settles well with a dummy or occassionally being fed to sleep. At night we have a good bedtime routine and she nods off in her own toddler bed with me resting beside her, sometimes feeding her to help her settle down but not always.

Feeding - Ari loves BFing! She does take a bottle from dad and me occassionally and drinks water from a sippy cup. I love BFing and want to wait until she is 2 to wean but it is becoming very obvious that this girl is not going to self wean anytime soon and the don't offer, don't refuse isn't helping at all. At the moment most days she will have a boobie break at least 5-6 times a day + during the night. Which is a bit much for me. A know BF is awesome but I am over it... It is really draining me and to be honest I'm sick of having a little hand down my shirt all the time :-) It's starting to cause a bit of tension between Dh and I also as he isn't as fond of extended BF as I am.

So ideas please... How can I start weaning this little girl and working on getting her through the night without a feed? I'm open to all gentle suggestions, I'd prefer not to wean her cold turkey unless you really think it works without any hang ups.

thanks so much guys, look forward to reading your replies.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I confess I was jealous when you said you were still feeding - then when you said 5-6 times a day and then in the night too, yeah, I can see why you're over it. But the little hand down your shirt/bra doesn't stop when BFing stops - DH thankfully now thinks it's amusing. Or not so thankfully because it's not helping DS to stop. Congratulations to you for keeping it up so long.

Can you get your DH up during the night to re-settle Ari? I know a lot of people swear by this method, if the baby can't smell the milk they re-settle better and sleep through. Obviously if this causes distress it's not worth doing, but I do know some parents swear by it. Can you also make a really filling supper, such as porridge, for Ari so she's not hungry?

Does she have regular feed times, or is it as and when? Because you could not be around once or twice - maybe have your DH take both children to the park for a few hours on the weekend, so she realises she doesn't need a feed at that point?

Can you do something more exciting when you feed - like put on Thomas the Tank (or whatever the girly equivalent is)? Thomas is more exciting so DS won't feed if I put a train on the TV for him instead! (Thomas was banned until I really couldn't force him to feed any longer LOL.)

Best of luck to you.

[mum3girls]

Just wanted to say good luck. My 27 month old is still feeding through the night, and usually to sleep during the day. Only in the last month have I been able to stop the majority of daytime feeds. And one night this week she actually went without a feed all night!! And only woke up once as well! But back to square one again the next night.

Hope others have some good tips for you and the whole process goes smoothly for you both

[Ozziehoffy]

Awww Sarah, it's a tough one I know. I actually cut back Oskar's feeds so he was only have 3 a day... first thing in the morning, before his nap and before bed. Then I cut the morning feed and got up and gave him a sippy cup with some cows milk instead. With the other 2, I went cold turkey. My main reason though was my nipples couldn't take the paaaain anymore with being pg. For about the first 3 or 4 days he would rock to sleep, but after that he preferred to lay on his little lounge and be patted. Last night for the first time he climbed up on my lap (which was sooo nice) until he was almost ready to sleep then hopped off onto his little lounge and wanted me to rub his back...lol.

He really did transition remarkably well, I was preparing myself for this big uproar.... he did ask for it but I would just tell him "no Pa, mummy will cuddle you" (that's what he calls boobie - still does). He still knows what boobie is and when he sees me getting dressed will sometimes go "ah" like he wants it and you ask him if he does and he gets an impish grin and goes no...lol.

Maybe try cutting out whichever feed is going to be the least missed first.. for us it was morning... then the next. You may be surprised at how well she does, like I said, I was prepared for turmoil and omg the world has ended and it didn't happen! Was a little sad, but still nice that he was comfy enough to go without. Good luck sweetness

[mgm]

my son was a big nighttime feeder and at 22 months he was still feeding every 2 hours at night, but not at all during the day! i used to frequent a 'no cry sleep solution' forum on yahoo and someone there was using a gentle night-weaning method which worked brilliantly for us. we were co-sleeping, but you may be able to adapt it to work for you...

basically i continued to feed ds when he woke at night, but the catch was, i sat up in bed so he had to stand or kneel to reach the breast. after a couple of nights, during which he fed for a minute or less at a time he decided it was too much effort and just stopped waking for feeds. I then started to offer a sippy cup with milk before bed, and about a month later he happily dropped the last remaining bedtime breastfeed, so for us the weaning process was painless and easy.

can't really help you with the daytime feeds though! but at 20 months you can certainly explain things to her, like that your bbs are tired, or running out of milk, or whatever explanation you want to give - and that she's a big girl now and gets to drink from this special cup (buy a really fancy one) etc etc.

good luck!

[~Saram~]

Thanks ladies for all your replies.

I've decided I will work on the gradual weaning first with might help the sleep as we go. I've been noting down when she actually feeds as she has always just fed whenever she wanted. We have dropped the first out of bed feed, which isn't a biggy as she usually has a feed in bed just before she wakes up and then miss grumpy (so not a morning baby) would want another cuddle/feed once she was up. It has been exhuasting but I think we have avoided this one for 2-3 days! Mainly just keeping her busy, everytime she asks for it I'm up and offering her something else to keep her distracted.

I really think it is more of a comfort/boredom issue with her than any need for nouishment. Basically she will feed at night, in the morning as she wakes, after she got out of bed and at least 2-3 times during the day - mostly after we have come inside from a car trip or I have been away and then again at night after dinner and again before bed.

Rosehip fairy - yep DH is putting her to sleep at the mmoment but he works shifts most nights and isn't here but I'm hoping we can wipe that feed/sleep assosiation while he is on holidays at xmas

Ozzie - thanks, yes I have tried explaining to her but she gets so terribly upset and she says pleeeeeeesssseee in the cutest little way. I have felt really bad denying her up until now as I know there is a special bond between breastfeeding but I think now there are some times (like in the middle of the day) when she is simply feeding out of boredom. These are the ones I'm going to start saying no to (and sticking with it despite the pleeeaassee) Man, I can't magine BF while pg I couldn't even stand wearing a bra! Well down to you. Please Oskar handled it so well!

mgm - that''s funny as Ari will often try and walk off/play while still BF so she often feeds in those positions if I let her :-) but it is a good idea that I hadn't thought of - thanks

mum3girls - pleased I'm not the only one. Don't you just treasure those rare moments when they do sleep through we've had 4 snce she was born! And yes I'm counting!

[mum3girls]

mum3girls - pleased I'm not the only one. Don't you just treasure those rare moments when they do sleep through we've had 4 snce she was born! And yes I'm counting!

We're up to 3 now, once when she was 6 months old (and I spent most of the night up uncomfortable, or expressing ) and the last 2 nights!!!!!

I swear you could be posting about my daughter, she's exactly the same. We had a discussion this morning about not needing booby to go to sleep, she is pretty determined though, especially during the day. And she asks so nicely "pretty please mummy?" Oh well, she's been going really well going to bed at night, my hubby puts her to bed and she's fine with it now.

Good luck with it, I definitely agree that the gradual weaning is the best approach for both of you - I know it's now seeming to work for us (yep, slowly but surely). And to think my goal was to feed her to 12 months old!!! (Only made it to approx. 2 months each for the older girls)

[~Saram~]

WOW 2 in a row! That is awesome! Well done on the feeding too! I've always been proud of making it this far.

I agree we have had some small sucesses we hardly had any feeds yesterday as i kept her busy all day long but I am so exhausted! Tod

today was good also although she has just woken up and I think she will be up again looking for boobie soon

[Visitor8]

Maybe take the boob away. Don't get up to her in the night, get DH to so the breast isn't there to refuse YK. Get him to take a bottle or cup in with a drink of water and see if she will settle with this instead.
Good luck. I am not even going to think about weaning until I am there... it will be a struggle here I think!

[Bathsheba]

I've recently been through child-led weaning... my DS is now 29 months old. Last week he had a case of gastro and asked for "bit more" (his words for a BF) and because he wasn't eating anything (or keeping cows milk down) I let him feed especially given that the liquid gold (BM) would have been the best thing for him anyhow... not sure if he got much... but he said there was "some". LOL Anyhow now that he's over the gastro he hasn't asked me for "bit more" in any determined kind of way for nearly a week now. Now that he is well he seems ok with mummy saying "all gone". And with a bit of distraction he easily forgets. Prior to his gastro episode though he was asking for "bit more" alarmingly frequently... similar to your DD... 5/6 times a day, and at night.... now it makes sense to me... he was probably feeling ill before the symptoms manifested themselves to me. I'm not saying that your DD may be falling ill.... this has just been my experience. It's been quite amazing the contrast to my son's BF needs within a matter of weeks. I have a bit of a feeling that if my DS stays well this weaning process may be here to stay.

[~Saram~]

Thanks Bathsheba! I have noticed Ari is being a lot more understanding when i say "all gone" and is even shortening her feeds if I ask her to get down and distract her with something else. Actually now you mention it she was cutting her last 2 eye teeth last week which may have prompted the most recent feeding frenzy :-)

[~Saram~]

Just wanted to pop in and share our sucesses and our backtracking so far...

sleeping - Ari now sleeps in her own bed (not that was such a big deal but it has cut down the night feeding) and only wakes once a night! TBH I don't really know what I did except start lying down with her in her toddler bed to settle. Sometimes giving her a feed if she insisted and then getting up (when I woke up :-) and crawling back to my bed.

Feeding - as Ari is waking in her own bed it is a lot easier to offer her b'fast as soon as she wakes up - (oh she has also started going potty first up in the morning too! v. exciting)

She is a lot more understanding about me saying "no more" or "none left/all gone" and we don't have the HUGE tantrums we used to. She still sometimes gets a little upset but more rrecently just gets up and goes and gets her sippy cup or askes for something to eat! Again I really don't know how we got here, just persistance and some bribery at the very beginning when I would offer her her favourite food/drink if she would stop having a breastfeed and get down.

Thank you so much for all your help and comments and fingers crossed for all of us.