What do you do about negative comments re: your parenting?

[~clover~]

Hi. Just say to her that this is working for you atm & when he is sleeping better you will look at other options.

When I had DD1 I was dead against co-sleeping. I didn't care what others did, but it wasn't for me. I was terrified of something happening to her.

Then DD2 came along. That child was impossible & never slept. By the time she was 5 weeks old I was co-sleeping most of the time. She'd start off in the cot & by morning she was in our bed. You can only get up so many times a night.

DS now comes into our bed often too. If he only wakes once or twice then he will go back into his cot, but if its anymore he stays in bed with me.
IME they sleep BETTER in bed with you as they can smell you & they know you are there & are more comforted & relaxed.

Co-sleeping or not if a child wants to come into your bed every night for the next 7 years they will.
DD1 did it most nights til she was 3 & occasionally til she was 5. She does still have a night where she would, but she goes on the lounge instead.
DD2 is in our bed nearly every night. She usually goes to sleep in our bed, then I'll put her in her bed later. Sometimes she comes in, sometimes she doesn't. It only bothers me when I have to get DS out of his cot & she's in the way. Then I'll put her back to bed. Its not a big drama.

[fionas]

I think I'd just say something like, "oh, I'm not looking for advice on whether I'm doing the right thing or not because we're all going to have different ideas on that and we're not all going to agree with each other. I just want a whinge and some sympathy."

I think just make it clear that you're not looking for advice. It's very difficult NOT to give advice when someone is having a bit of a whinge because that's our normal reaction. There's a thin line between giving what you think is helpful advice and coming across as judgemental. She probably doesn't even realise she's doing it.

I think keep going - we're so much more sensitive to points that differ from our own in the early months, then when we finally DO realise that we know our babies best, those opinions really don't matter any more and it really does become water off a duck's back. But that takes a while so hang in there.

[Marlene]

I think I'd just say something like, "oh, I'm not looking for advice on whether I'm doing the right thing or not because we're all going to have different ideas on that and we're not all going to agree with each other. I just want a whinge and some sympathy."

Great advice! I was thinking the exact same thing.

I wear my baby everywhere and I cop it from heaps of people. "He's never going to let you put him down", "He will want to be carried forever", "He'll never go in his pram", "He will get too used to snuggling your boobs", LOL.

I just try and ignore those people and listen to the ones that give me positive comments. And, by the way, I hardly ever wear him at home, he is quite happy to sit in his bouncer or lay on the floor, so he is definently not reliant on being worn.

[Lolli]

Bah! Just ignore her hun. You are doing what you think is best and that's all that matters. We co-sleep here too, ds still feeds a few times at night and it's just easier on me and him to have him next to me so we both hardly wake up at all.
Just ignore her, and try and keep your distance from her in future (the same thing I try and do to deal with my MIL!)

ETA (after reading Snacks post)- I'm so lucky, my MG is fantastic... they are things some of the ohter mum's do that I don't neccessarily agree with, and I'm sure some of them feel the same way about me, but everyone just keeps that to themselves. I love it. It's my favorite part of the week

[Nelle]

I once read something (I think in Kaz Cooke's Up The Duff), that basically said that the comments other people make are about THEM not you.

So if someone says 'they shouldn't still be breastfeeding', that's because THEY choose not to breastfeed at that age, and are looking to validate their choice.
Or if someone says 'your child will still be in your bed at 7', that's because THEY don't understand your reasons for co-sleeping, and THEY don't co-sleep.

Of course, if someone says 'you're doing a good job', then THEY are absolutely right, don't think about it any further. :P

I find that remembering that has helped me heaps, when someone criticises me, I just remember that the comment reflects on them. Perhaps they're insecure, perhaps they're less educated, perhaps their situation is different, perhaps they're just nasty. Either way, none of that reflects badly on YOUR parenting.

In the long run, when your kids turn out great, she's going to see that all the issues she had with your parenting probably weren't issues at all!

(And I agree with the others, if her comments are getting you down, tell her that you've thought long and hard about your parenting decisions, and just because they're different doesn't mean they're wrong.)

[Snacks]

Ah Ren, I'm sorry. Those MGs can be a bit tough at first as everyone susses everyone else out.
I know I had differences of opinion with a few of the girls in my group in the first couple of months. I just kept telling myself to be confident in my decisions and all would be well.
I'm not an overly communicative person, so telling someone to keep their judgements to themselves was not something I felt capable of.
Now, they are some of my best friends. We have all been through the sleepless nights etc. We have all dealt with them differently. And I realised it doesn't matter what you do, babies will be babies. And everyone cottoned on to that eventually.
Hang in there, mate.