Hey BP. I think the fact that you've started to review and analyse is a great and brave step babe.
I'm not sure how you learn so much, but become aware of your reaction.

As calculated as it sounds, I try and avoid meltdowns. I we have a good interaction, I try to file that away in the memory bank so I can replicate that later.

I don't say/demand "pick up your toys", I ask "Can you help me to pick up your toys please?" because if they demand something from me, I correct them automatically and expect them to ask politely - therefore I should treat as I expect to be treated.

If i find myself really wound up I walk away for a few moments. I do corny stuff like deep breathing and counting to 10. I walk slowly up to them. I use that time to calm down. Both these techniques are taught to '000' operatives as a technique to avoid escalation.