What do you do when your child says "No"?

[Beach Mama]

Do you not think that the autism is part of it though?? Genuine question, I deal with a lot of kids while teaching who are on the spectrum and even with the training I have had I still learn more all the time. My understanding is that child who are on the spectrum to fixate at times on things as you mentioned and this might be an extension of that?? Might be way off, sorry just trying to understand - I realise that all kids say no at times but the way we deal with them, and they way they respond all varies on each childs needs. (Speaking as a parent and a teacher).

ETA: Hot1 - I don't feel that I am humouring them to have a say, but I am firmly saying that something needs to be done and there are 2 ways about it - they can either choose which way they want to do it or I can but either way XYZ situation is about to occur!

[Traveller]

My daughter is the worst of my children for saying no, but TBH we don't have an issue with things like them refusing to go into the car, etc. If it is something like dinner that one of them are refusing, then I give them a choice in the situation. For example I might say "you can eat dinner with us then watch TV, or you can go into your room and miss dinner but there will be no TV tonight". That way they are choosing for themselves, and they usually pick the thing that they were previously saying no to. A refusal to go to bed might result in "you can go to bed now and have a story, or you can refuse and I will put you in your bed without a story". So no real choice other than the choice to cooperate or not but 9 times out of 10 it works.

In other aspects of their lives I give them a lot more choice and I find that this has stopped a lot of the "no" reactions, especially from my daughter. So to daycare she often wears a fairy dress and gum boots. Or she might decorate her skin with her new pens instead of drawing on paper. I don't worry about things like that and give her a lot of freedom in that respect, so that when I say she has to do something she is more likely to comply because she knows I am not just making rules for the sake of it, if that makes any sense.

[meow]

Do you not think that the autism is part of it though?? Genuine question, I deal with a lot of kids while teaching who are on the spectrum and even with the training I have had I still learn more all the time. My understanding is that child who are on the spectrum to fixate at times on things as you mentioned and this might be an extension of that??

No. When he fixates it's generally a positive attraction TO something, rather than not wanting to do something. Like, at the moment he has 3 matchbox trucks that he has to cart everywhere with him. If I tried to make him go to car without those, then that would be an issue and I'd be dealing with that "fixation" issue then. It would really increase his anxiety and make him feel quite stripped bare to try and do that. But when he's saying "no" about doing something I believe he's responding as any child does.

My understanding of children with autism has changed dramatically from my days as an early childhood teacher to my role now as a parent. I see so much about what is happening in his mind that I never understood before.