What do you do when your child says "No"?

[meow]

Honestly, no I don't think his autism is all that relevant. 6 months ago yes probably, and he was a totally different child then. But he's been recovering from the autism for 6 months now and is really making progress. He doesn't have the brain fog anymore, but he is still dealing with the developmental delay as a result of all that lost learning time. I would say he's pretty similar in language and impulse control to a 2 year old. In any case, children with or without autism deserve the same respect and I was really coming from the perspective of asking how you maintain that level of respect.

It's good to hear from some fellow gentle parenters- I think we'll just keep doing what we're doing then. I give him LOADS of warning and reminders about what is coming up, I let him make as many choices as possible, I try and slow down to go at his pace and not rush him through a task, I reassure, cuddle and acknowledge that I know he doesn't want to do it but we have to because of XYZ.

A week ago he really didn't want to go to preschool but I coaxed him to the car still and then when we pulled up he kept saying he didn't want to... so I drove on and we went to the park instead. It was one of those times where we could do something else and if he really didn't want to go then fine. But some things we have to do. His cod liver oil is healing him and his life is depending upon him having it so it's not negotiable. He goes through ebbs and flows of having it with no troubles and other times where after 30-60mins of putting it off and trying to negotiate that I have to pin him down and give it to him. Thanks for understanding that MadB- it's so awful to hear those no's then and ignore them

[meow]

Do you not think that the autism is part of it though?? Genuine question, I deal with a lot of kids while teaching who are on the spectrum and even with the training I have had I still learn more all the time. My understanding is that child who are on the spectrum to fixate at times on things as you mentioned and this might be an extension of that??

No. When he fixates it's generally a positive attraction TO something, rather than not wanting to do something. Like, at the moment he has 3 matchbox trucks that he has to cart everywhere with him. If I tried to make him go to car without those, then that would be an issue and I'd be dealing with that "fixation" issue then. It would really increase his anxiety and make him feel quite stripped bare to try and do that. But when he's saying "no" about doing something I believe he's responding as any child does.

My understanding of children with autism has changed dramatically from my days as an early childhood teacher to my role now as a parent. I see so much about what is happening in his mind that I never understood before.

[loulabelle]

I think what you've been doing sounds great, meow. It really sounds as though you have a great balance and respect going. and its wonderful that Ds is showing such improvement, that just proves how well your doing.

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[krysalyss]

For me it would come to a few things. Firstly is he really distressed when saying no (does he actually find it scary?) or is it just something he doesn't want to do? Also is it something necessary or for safety? All kids say no and there are always times when you are going to have to enforce what needs to happen. If DS says no to holding your hand but you need to cross the road then obviously you need to make the decision and stick to it because the consequences or so dire if he doesn't. Also kids do need to work into other peoples routine and there are always things that need to be done that noone wants to do. I find that if I stay calm and give a reason DS will eventually just work in with what needs to happen. I find I need to repeat myself a bit though "I understand you don't want to, but we need to get food so we can eat". If I lose my temper it all goes downhill. If you think your son is really distressed though and the situation isn't urgent then I would try to get to the bottom of that. E.g. is he scared of the car and how can you change the way he feels about the car etc.
My son is very strong willed and it can be so tiring to always be questioned and challenged. I console myself that he will make a great adult one day (when the tantrums stop )