What's working for you?

[BellyBelly]

Sometimes we struggle with certain aspects of our parenting, then come up with an idea or hear a suggestion that works well. So what I thought we could do is post here if we find a situation where things are working really well for you, and hopefully it will help someone else in return.

I'll start!

Breakfast

Breakfast has become a bit frustrating, with Elijah losing interest in it altogether and Marisa not eating much. So what I started doing this week is making a big plate of mixed toast, e.g. peanut butter, vegemite etc and putting it in the lounge on the coffee table. We sit together and eat while watching a bit of television and the kids love it. They are so quiet and enjoy having choice.

Morning Routine

Another breakfast routine I have mastered is getting things done quickly and efficiently in the morning in terms of Marisa getting ready. She HATES getting dressed as she doesn't like being cold. She has her pet bird which she loves dearly, so we made a rule that there is no holding her bird until she is dressed and eaten breakfast, which has been brilliant. She gets up and gets dressed right away, and tells me what she wants for breakfast! I'll be extending that to dressed, breakfast and brush teeth as it's become a lower priority now she only has to eat and get dressed! The same thing could work with television, or other things they really enjoy.

[Trillian]

I'm with you on the getting dressing thing Kelly LOL. I have found that even though Lindsay is fully capable of dressing himself in the morning he daudles something shocking and will run late for the bus if I don't dress him - which keeps our morning running on time and I am not constantly telling him to hurry.

The best thing that I have found is simply having a set routine every morning - that way the kids know exactly where they are up to and the day just flows nicely (most of the time LOL). I give them two choices for breakfast on weekdays, toast or cereal and weekends it will be something cooked usually. Then getting dressed and hair/teeth done. After that the TV can go on. I always make sure that lunch is the same time everyday and we always make morning and afternoon tea together and then the late evening it is always bath, dinner, bed.

In terms of gentle parenting, I have found that for me it works best that if the kids want my attention, to answer them right away and go and help them with whatever it is they need help with. It can be frustrating if I am in the middle of something, but I avoid the situation of them whining and or getting angry if I tell them to wait (you wouldn't believe how many times I leave a post halfway through before I can finish it LOL), which in turn gets me irrate at them IYKWIM? And they have actually learned to have a bit more patience too, because if I do have to say, "I really need to finish this, I will help you when I am done" they know that i will help as soon as I finish what I am doing and they don't get persistent. I also feel that it makes them feel worthwhile, because you are showing them that you are willing to put aside what you are doing to help them, but that said, if they are simply being little horrors, then I do make them wait until they have stopped that behaviour before I will talk to them.

[nadia]

That's sounds great Kel.

I agree it's really hard, I have those problems about eating so I'll give that a go and see how we venture with that one.

About now Nyah is getting an attitude and sometimes it's so rude and the bossing she does to Will I'm not sure where she got it from Pre-School or if it's just a 4yr old thing she's going through, we have alot of trouble with tidying up after ourselves and keeping this in the right place, I know they're kids and mess comes with that, but teaching them and especially her to clean up is proving a real hassle.
We do time out in the laundry for 4 mins and she still seems to have the same problems again and again. So yeah any suggestions or similar behavings would be great to know how to deal with this.

[BellyBelly]

I think sticker charts are a great idea. Marisa LOVES stickers and I am in the process of creating a nice chart for her where she gets stickers each night for doing a certain task that day (starting small with one thing, for example I am going to start with no yelling at Elijah for the day) and then once she has so many stickers, she gets a bigger treat. I will put one sticker on her chart (high up so she can't reach it) and one sticker for her hand, as she loves that. And then it will slowly be harder to get, e.g. she needs more stickers or she needs to do two things that day... so pick your biggest battle and tackle it perhaps with a chart!

[barbie-up]

Yeppo on the stickers and chart !We've been doing them since Cait was 2.5 and it was about having a dry bed at night. Now it's about doing as she's told, making her bed, tidying up etc. It does not have to be fancy, just a piece of A4 with a week or month ruled up on it.

Nadia - Cait was also a monster at the start of this year - I put it down to the age and starting kinda so we started the time out chair behind the front door facing the wall. You say to them 'IF you keep that up, THEN you will go in the chair' - first for five minutes and then for ten minutes. I haven't gone past ten minutes yet. Also bought a timer so she would know when the time was up and would not have to ask all the time.

[Lilly-Pilly]

I'm having huge difficulties at the moment with Ashlea eating dinner. All day she'd eat anything then at dinner time it gets stupid. She wont eat, i'll hassel her, i'll get grumpy, she'll cry and it turns nasty! I've tried everything i can think of and don't let her snack before dinner but it becomes so frustrating! I've tried making meals fun but its just not working. She's the kind of child that would eat all day if you let her, until dinner time.

The best we've come up with is a poster that has two suns on it, one with a happy face and one with a sad face. If she eats all her dinner we write the day on one of the rays of the happy sun, and if she doesn't the day is written on the ray of the sad sun.
Our deal is that if she fills up the happy sun first she gets to pick a suprise at the shops, and if she doesn't then she gets her art box taken off her for a week (her favourite activity)
It works some nights, but it just seems to take so long to get her to eat and so frustrating. Its like i have to nag and nag just to get her to eat one mouthful.
We sit together to eat, and eat at the same time but its just not working!!
Any suggestions would be great, i'd love to do the whole gentle parenting thing but i find Ashlea and i are both so short tempered and stubborn that i always end up just getting grumpy at her.

[Trillian]

Dee, Erin is identical to Ashlea when it comes to dinner. She is happy to eat all day and eat heaps over the day, but come dinner time it is WW3 LOL. We have battled with her over this many a time and now we realise she is just happy to eat a lot through the day and by the time she has her dinner, she is full IYKWIM and doesn't want much. So i just give her a very small portion (Paige even has more for dinner) and then she doesn't feel pressured to eat such a large meal. And if she does eat it all then she has dessert, but if she doesn't eat it, then there is no dessert. That's the best solution we came up with anyway.

[Lucy]

Just thought I'd share one here. It is a bit obvious, so I feel like a bit of a dill, but bear with me!!

About a month ago, we moved the house round and Olivia and Charlie became "room buddies" (sharing) and at the same time we also converted Olivia's cot into a toddler bed (no sides). Ummmmmmmm.

The first week was great, then in the 2nd week, all hell broke lose and it has been awful, with sleepless nights for all of us with Olivia not staying in bed/not sleeping well/trying to get into Charlies cot/stripping herself nude/trashing the bedroom/immense procrastination at bed times/no day sleeps......you name it.

Knackered Mummy, knackered toddler, very tired (but stoic 1 year old) and grumpy Daddy.

Anyway, the other night I was trying to entice her to stay in bed (2 hours after bedtime....) and I was seriously over it, and desparate for a wee, so I just told her "Olivia, I need to go for a wee, I will be back in a minute, I will leave the door open"

Now normally she is insistant that we CLOSE the door. OR she closes it herself (earlier on, before we read stories).

Anyway, I went for a wee, came back, she is lying snuggled down in her bed, and just asks for a kiss and says "Night Night Mummy", so I took advantage and went to leave the room......as I did, she said (in a 2 year old stern voice, LOL!) "Leave the door open Mummy".........so I did, and we didn't hear a peep put of her again.

I have since left the dooe opne for every subsequent sleep, and we have had NO cavorting, no waking in the middle of the nighy, no procrastination at bedtimes, NO ISSUES!!!

I can't believe something as simple as that was all it took........evidently none of us realised that that was what she wanted or needed........including her!

Keep your fingers crossed it lasts...........

[Rouge]

WOOHOO Lucy thats great news! I hope it continues for you! I love it when we have lightbulb moments with our kids its great

Well I dunno if this is something, but I just had to share...

Seth has become intense lately with being constantly on the move, and there are things about that we can't babyproof and he has to learn "no" so against nearly everyone I know's rule of not saying no to a baby we have been And if he continues towards it we move him to another section of the house and firmly say no. But if he moves away from it we do a big song and dance and say "good boy" and he gets very excited he LOVES praise! Anyway I've noticed the past few days we don't have to move him, he makes the decision on his own that he will stop what he is doing and moves away, and I noticed one time I hadn't praised him and he started grunting at me, so I praised him and sure enough he got excited, legs and arms like pistons and then he went off to do something else. I'm totally gobsmacked, Paris wasn't on the move until she was about 8-9 mths so thats when "no" started with her, I'm just baffled that he gets it! He is definitely going to be one that loves praise, paris never got as excited as he does. I'm actually thinking (for now) that he may be not as persistant as paris LOL which will be a godsend as he is VERY energetic so I am going to have some fun later on I'm sure

*hugs*
Cailin

[MantaRay]

Cailin, maybe it's a boy thing. Jack also loves getting praise and claps his hands and says "yay"!

Some other things that work with Jack (nearly 19 months) are:
- Explaining things very specifically (eg Mummy wants you to lie still on your back until the new nappy is on, then you can get up) - this seems to stop him standing up once the old nappy is off and having trouble getting him back down again (esp with my pg back!)
- Instead of saying "no" or "don't" find the equivalent positive -eg intead of "no Jack, don't touch that" we find it works better to say "please come away from there Jack, where is your toy xxxxx"
- Get Jack involved with helping - he loves this - eg getting our shoes for us when we are getting ready, or putting the groceries in the trolley for us at the supermarket
- If he is being clingy when I need to get other things done, I stop what I am doing, sit with him for 15 mins or so and read stories with him or play whatever he wants to, then he is ok to play by himself for a while again.
- Giving him choices - if he says "no" to morning tea, asking him would he like an apple or a mandarin, and he will pick one and eat it happily
- The naughty spot, for just one minute, works wonders when he won't stop inappropriate behaviour. He is always well behaved afterwards, and it usually always works as a deterrant ("Jack please stop that now or you will sit in the naughty spot").

Every child is different but I hope something here is of some help to others....
Melanie.