Homebirth General Discussion #15

[Arcadia]

I choose to say yes to the power of my body and accept myself completely

I have the body of every birthing woman

My body in labour is the same body I inhabit every day. It is me, no more, no less.

Breathe. My baby needs me to breathe.

When it hurts the most you're almost there.

[PumpkinZulu]

I had so many quotes written down on my wall for inspiration. In the end the ones that got me through we're the super simple ones that I could easily chant:

"Today's going to be a good day." (I used this one sooooo much, just chanted it over and over haha).

"My baby and my body know that all is well."

"I am happy and excited to meet my baby."

[meow]

Birth is such a privileged ritual to be able to experience. Embrace it. There are so few times in your life you will birth, compared to how long you will live and you will remember each time forever. Surrender to the miracle.

[Arcadia]

Yes I believe birth is supposed to hurt. I find it very painful and confronting, but when you're expecting that its less of a shock.

I find the pushing bit the hardest because of the intensity of surface stretching and the clarity of my mind. The labour stuff is just breathe and surrender. Pushing is where I need to work hard because I find my mind is clear and I start thinking and feeling scared. You need so much courage to birth and that's why I really love it.

[PumpkinZulu]

You need so much courage to birth and that's why I really love it.

Yes!! I think this is why I love it too. You find a strength within that you never believed could exist!

I'm the opposite, I find pushing easier to deal with and almost enjoyable (you know, as much as it can be, when you're pushing a human out of your privates). I find it satisfying and exciting, but a lot of hard work.

You ladies are making me very broody. We're not TTC until December next year, so I've got a fair bit of waiting to do and living vicariously through all of you.

[Jennifer13]

DD2's birth was hard work, but I would not describe it as painful. It was over much quicker than I expected and I was shocked that I didn't really ever find I wasn't coping. The pushing was too long and hard for my liking, but I never felt anything other than in control. It wasn't orgasmic (not sure how that happens, but I'll grant everyone is different!), but the rush and joy after she was born was heightened by the lack of tiredness and delight that it was all done so much faster than I expected. It did feel so very normal and ordinary at the same time, which is kinda hard to explain.

Like I said, I didn't find the labour enjoyable, since it was hard work and I'm not a huge fan of hard work , but I found it completely within my limits to cope. It's different for everyone. I didn't have any past trauma or triggers to come up, that probably helped. And all the chiro, aqua aerobics, gardening, etc, that I did in the lead up meant baby was in an absolutely perfect position. And I have a high pain threshold, noted by other medical professionals over the years. There are so many variables within how painful a woman will find birth that it's impossible to predict perfectly how it will go with each woman and even with each birth, IMHO. This time, baby might not cooperate quite as well, it might be bigger, etc, etc, etc. I'm not going to take it for granted that my last experience will define this one, although there are probably some factors I can take away from it. I will prepare myself physically, emotionally and mentally as well as I can again, just in case it was a fluke, or it was the preparation that got us there last time!

Arimeh - I LOVE your breakdown! That's a great way to look at it. I did try telling myself that each contraction was one step closer, one less to have. Your way is even clearer. You know I'm so using that for myself down the track.

Not sure on the HB and why you would be scared presumption. Since I've done it before, most tend to classify me as one of those 'different' women who are lucky enough to not have birthing difficulties, so therefore I'm okay to birth at home. When really, it's the other way around IMO, I didn't have any birthing difficulties BECAUSE I stayed at home. First time around I just told people we'd booked into a hospital in case we needed to transfer and it was only five mins down the road. I assume a fair portion just figured I'd probably end up there anyway. Except that I turned out to be 'lucky'.

I'm so sorry about your sister, btw. While I know many women who lost a bub, it's really hard when it's someone close and you're involved in the experience. Especially when you are pg. I'm having a hard time not being afraid of the scan on Wed, because while I was pg with DD2 (but further advanced) a close friend lost her bub just before it and found out at the scan. I'm worried I'm not feeling the baby enough, that I'm not getting big enough, etc, etc. I don't want to go to the scan, but on the other hand I can't wait to have it over and just be passed that stage. My worry about whether bub is okay or not seems to be getting worse with each pg. And because this one was unplanned and I took so long to come around to the idea, I'm now worried it's all going to be taken away from me.

[Arimeh]

Jennifer, I'm sure all is fine with your baby! I didn't feel this one until the night before my scan - but that was at 18 weeks, however, I didn't feel any of my DD's moving until between 22 and 24 weeks! And obviously they are all fine... just because it was an accident, doesn't mean its not meant to be I think its the opposite - it IS meant to be, thats why it was an accident!

And I'm sure everyone I know expects me to transfer and they will all be like "haha I knew she couldn't do it, home birth is dangerous blah blah blah" but if I'm being transferred from a home birth its for a bloody good reason and I'm ok with that. I trust my midwives at home, I don't trust the ones at the hospital that are following hospital policy

[Mum2twoBoys]

I'm the same. I think I liked that I had some control over the pushing stage, so the pain seemed a lot less (until the ring of fire that is lol). But I find it hard not knowing what's going on with my own body. But I'm surprised, so far I'm having no feelings of fear or dread regarding impending labour.

[TeniBear]

I'm the opposite in regards to pushing too, though I've not done it all natural yet. With Ianto it was such a relief and felt so goooood. With Amelia it was like "oh, FINALLY we're getting somewhere, I'm doing things MY WAY now!" - it was the one part I felt in control even when they were still trying to direct things.

I must admit I'm a little worried/scared of natural birth not being as awesome as I hope it is. I don't know how I labour naturally, but I'm hoping its close to how it was with Ianto. That was an alright labour aside from the obvious I *know* it won't be like with Amelia, because I recognise that was mostly due to my negative emotions at the situation...

[Cricket]

Most of labour is manageable for me - I just hate those overwhelming transitional moments. Pushing is a relief, and finally holding that baby is an incredible high - the achievement of 9 months work! Natural birth is challenging and amazing. It is like mountain climbing. You would miss the amazing feeling of accomplishment if you never tried it. Plus it's so much better for you and baby.

[meow]

I also find birth very painful and I had a crisis of confidence about a month before I was due too. The reality hits and as much as you know all the good stuff, the fact that it's going to be hard work is inescapable. I agree that it's like any endurance sport, mountain climbing, marathon running... the reward is partly in the fact that it IS hard. It is such an amazing achievement and given I'm a little lazy I'm not sure I'll experience that any other way in my life because I'm not keen on the idea of running a marathon

It's exciting to see you planning your next baby PZ! I want to have another baby in Feb 2015. I keep getting confused about when we need to TTC. I don't get enough sleep these days! But that's the plan anyway

[*The_Mrs.*]

Thanks ladies! Luckily I already have an awesome midwife who would be on board with it. We haven't talked much about birth yet because she knows I am undecided. Though Im pretty certain I want to do this. Then I read all of you talking how painful it is!! hahaha

For me I am nervous of the unknown but focusing on HOW painful my csection was helps. I feel I am a great candidate for it. My first was a successful vaginal birth (with lots of interventions), and my 2nd was breech presentation so thats why I had a c-section. I have a bicornuate uterus so the unknown of IF that affects this process scares me.

I just need reassurance that I CAN do it. In America pain is so taboo and there are pain meds everywhere that not many people understand wanting to do it WITH pain.

[Cricket]

A good friend of mine just had a c-section after 5 vaginal births. She'll definitely tell you YOU DON'T WANT A C-SECTION! (Her water broke at 25 weeks and she had a borderline placenta previa and a breech baby. They held off delivery until 29+5, and mom and baby are doing well now, btw. Baby just came home a couple days ago.) And while labour is painful and challenging, it's short - a day of pain, even if it's a longer labour, if you know what I mean. You don't have nearly the recovery time of a c-section. I was up and about immediately, and felt just about normal within a couple days. Don't second guess your desire for a natural homebirth! It's still hard, but it's the best, and in some ways the easiest way to go.

I never felt any apprehension about labour until baby #6, that I can remember. I always looked forward to it as a challenge, and felt like each time was going to be better. But with #6, I was really looking up against it, and I have the same thing, (but to a lesser degree) this time. Not sure what changed to make me feel this way. I've had easy labours and births, mostly under 3 hr, and never needed any stitching or anything. Short labours are intense though - it is a pretty tough 3 hr, especially at the end! And like I said before, I think it might be because I achieved my goal (home water birth) and now I don't have anything left to improve on, if you know what I mean. I'm considering trying a TENS machine this time around, having heard some good reviews from other mums. The only drawback is I can't use the water then, and I do LOVE the bath in labour! I'll have to talk about it with my midwife and see what she thinks.

[~TT40~]

I feel very fortunate as I feel I had a very easy labour. only 5hrs, I felt pushing at 6cm, but prefer that feeling over contractions (which for me weren't psin, judt really intense pressure, like a baloon blowing up inside me until it bursts and goes down. )
actually has me worried the other way, in that I remember it being so easy, ill assume next time will be and not prepare as much (when it probably was my prep that made it easy)

[Arcadia]

I think it helps to know is is SUPPOSED to hurt. My Dh put it interestingly the other night. He said the pain helps women focus and go inwards to block out everything else and just labour. It isn't pathogical pain but good pain.

I like the fact your body gets used to the pain too and the first few contractions are often the hardest because you're getting used to it, but by the end you're coping with double peak contractions tumbling one over the other until you start pushing.

I love the big breaks you get in the pushing stage. It is blissful. For me the fear is that last bit, the crowning and I have to remind myself 'when it hurts the most you're almost there!'

I too love birth because I will never run a marathon, but I know my body can do the extreme sport of birth with ease. It's incredible.

[meow]

I think it helps to know is is SUPPOSED to hurt.

This is the key for me. I have had a lot of surgeries and the one I woke up from with the worst pain was one of the most minor ones. But I went in to it telling myself it was minor so it wouldn't hurt. When I woke up in pain I panicked and my blood pressure went through the roof and I was in So. Much. Pain! Only time I had morphine after an operation.

Now I know I do better to prepare for pain. Then I'm okay with it and I surrender and don't fight it and it hurts less. Both of my labours were like this and they went pretty well. Both drug free and pretty calm. There are moments when I'm over it and feeling sore and sorry for myself but mostly I've been calm and able to ride the wave well.

I don't think I've cried in labour... but I don't remember. I do think I've moaned in a sobbing type voice at times, but I don't think I've ever had the energy to cry.

[Arimeh]

I cried during Eden's because I was just so terrified of what was happening.

Sahti's I was more composed and knew it would end soon so no, I didn't cry. I screamed and was swearing and was angry when I was pushing her out but thats because my midwives told me to do that.

[Mum2twoBoys]

I had a bad night last night. With pelvic pain and bh contractions. Found if difficult to get comfortable. I was diagnosed with an irritable uterus with my ds at 38w, and remember that last week of pg was harder than labour. I won't say it hurt more, but it was the fact that it was pain with no foreseeable end.

So now I'm getting anxious that the rest of my pg is going to be the same as the last week, but I'm only 34w along. And I think this anxiety was the precursor to me ending up with pnd. I just find it very hard to deal with loss of control over my own body, especially related to my past. But I don't want to be like this this time.

I thought it would be better this time, as I've at least been through it before. But as soon as I'm in the pain, I start stressing that I'm going into early labour and won't get my home water birth. And afterwards I feel like an idiot for overreacting. And then I stress about cortisol release when I get anxious.

So it shows that labour doesn't bother me in the scheme of things. More the late stages of pregnancy and pre labour.

I'm sorry for my rant, just need to get it out of my system.