Homebirth General Discussion #16

**Special** · September 4th, 2013, 09:13 AM

Welcome to the HB thread Special

Thank you.

***The_Mrs.*** · September 4th, 2013, 11:42 AM

Thoughts on having a 4 year old around during the homebirth? She has high anxiety with anyone being in pain and usually starts crying and needs a LOT of convincing to calm down along with reassurance. My 19 month old is adorable but super busy so I don't think I would want her there as it would be stressful trying to make sure she doesn't get into everything.

**Special** · September 4th, 2013, 12:14 PM

My 4 year old is super high energy and not scared of anything. I thought he wouldn't be interested, but he has watched a few videos now (started with animal births) and is super attentive to all things baby and protective of my belly. He wants to be there and hold my hand and be the first one to kiss the baby. I don't assume that will all happen, and he will probably change his mind a few times along the way. But I'll just go with the flow for now and have back up available.

It's my 6 year old that I am not sure about. He is Mr Sensitive and worries a lot. I don't think he'll cope well with me in pain, but he has proven me wrong before. He is quietly determined when he wants to be.

My 13 year old has no interest. Lol. Understandable to me.

I think it can be easier when they are younger and don't have pre-conceived ideas. I find that younger kids tale what you say without questioning it.
My biggest deciding factor will be whether I want them there I think. I have no objection, but if I feel like being alone then that takes priority.

**Bella29** · September 4th, 2013, 12:59 PM

The mrs, it sounds like you have already answered your own question.

Afm, I had dd there for dd2's birth. But she wasn't in the room. She was just down the hall. She would have been fine tho, but maybe distracting in the final moments. I'm not sure. I had a friend act as a support for her, and she took her next door for a bath and played with her and answered her questions. I think you need someone devoted just to the kids when/if they are gonna attend a birth. To help them and also make sure that they arnt getting disruptive. Also to just remove them if the mamma needs that to be.

Yesterday we watched dd2's birth and dd was fine, but dd2 had tears in her eyes and would start to sob when she saw me in pain and or if I was crying with joy. She didn't understand at all. She is def more sensitive than her sister. It maybe that dd stays with me for the next birth and dd2 goes to stay with the neighbors for a little while. We have pretty good neighbors who are really kind to our kids. I am sure they would help out and allow us to keep the kids close but not so close that they are scared.

**Jennifer13** · September 4th, 2013, 02:13 PM

The_Mrs, both of mine (aged 7 and then 2) will be in the house (DD1 was at DD2's birth at age 5, so she's a pro!). If it's during the night I won't wake DD2. We will wake DD1 though. I am pretty sure it will happen when DD2 is asleep so I'm not bothered. If by some chance she's awake, then we'll play it by ear. There are enough people here to handle her and I'm not *that* noisy. I personally don't mind, because I know it will be over pretty quickly, so I won't bother lining up somewhere else for her to go. My sister will be here with her DD (18 mths by then) too, so I think she'll probably manage the toddlers in the lead-up, or as she needs to. We will watch DD2's birth and other birth videos beforehand as well and re-read the picture books on birth.

Eeenee - thinking of you.

**Eenee** · September 4th, 2013, 10:02 PM

Thanks girls...still waiting for help. See my MW tomorrow so at least that's something.

**Bella29** · September 4th, 2013, 10:43 PM

Good luck eenee. I hope your mw's consistent support helps you feel better. At the very least you know you can rely on her support. Xx

**Eenee** · September 5th, 2013, 09:09 AM

Thanks Bella, she's a big help/support.

Just on children at birth. We were a little concerned when DD was at DS's birth as she is a very sensitive kid, she used to cry when people blew their nose! Anyway she woke a few times during the night but DH was able to settle her again. Then when she woke closer to the birth we used her to BF to bring on contractions. Then with the noises I was making she would copy and then start laughing!!! Was quite cute. She was fine when he was born but cried when DH tried to stop her getting to close to DS so that was a mistake as she thought she wasn't allowed to be included.

**Dot Face** · September 5th, 2013, 11:43 AM

HotI next time you update the list could you make me November please? I keep forgetting to ask, d'oh!

I've been catching up on this thread just now, congrats to cricket and sepata!

I'm 32 weeks tomorrow and organised with my midwife to come down in 2 weeks to check out the house for the homebirth etc which is super exciting because it's a milestone I've been looking forward to since about 12 weeks lol.

Hope everyone's well

.

***The_Mrs.*** · September 5th, 2013, 01:19 PM

Well we talked with DD1 (the sensitive one) and I explained its normal and that mommy might be a little in pain but that its a good pain. We asked her if she wanted to be there and she said yes she really does so I think we will give her a chance. My parents house is a couple houses down so if all else fails she can join her little sister. My family doesn't deal well with toddlers under stress and I don't want to deal with parenting while in labor so little sister will be definitely be going to nana and papas

**Arimeh** · September 5th, 2013, 01:29 PM

My kids keep on asking me if the baby brudda will be coming out my vagina, to which I tell them yes. Then the girls always say "but it will hurt a LOT mum".

Definitely not too early to educate them on the difference between bad pain and productive pain

Although my mum is worried I will traumatise them still...

**Sunny Love** · September 5th, 2013, 02:38 PM

HotI, hun, I need to be removed. I've been knocked back twice from the CMP due to two high risk pregnancies and now developing pre-eclampsia again this time :'(

**HotI** · September 5th, 2013, 05:10 PM

HotI, hun, I need to be removed. I've been knocked back twice from the CMP due to two high risk pregnancies and now developing pre-eclampsia again this time :'(

Oh no! Can your midwife follow you to wherever you have to birth now? If not, do you have birth support people who can?

Hope your bub can stay in a bit longer, and you don't feel too yuck.

**Sunny Love** · September 5th, 2013, 07:24 PM

Thanks sweet, i'm feeling quite ok about another hospital birth as DP (my support person) is fully aware of my desires and preferences. If I give birth in the car en route, then whoopsie poopsie. Im just really disappointed I suppose that I don't get a 'choice' as such anymore.
Oh well, its a good thing i'm a real birth warrior!

Im still lurking though

**Bella29** · September 5th, 2013, 07:27 PM

Sunny love, being a home birther is in your heart. You don't have to be at home to have a home birth. It can be totally about the spirit you bring to your birth space. So stay with us. I don't think you should go.

and good luck getting a good birth experience in hospital.