Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it so very much xx

It sounds like you might have something going on around trust with your midwife, when that trust is broken you start being sensitive and reactive to everything they do.
I actually think her response says a bit about her lack of trust in me. She's not sure about my responses and I think she thinks I'm just negative against any suggestion she makes which makes it difficult for her to feel I'm trusting her. I'm feeling like she's not communicating enough though. Offering me options isn't really support. If she had said "If you're concerned you could have an ultrasound, or else we can wait and see if you have worsening symptoms then an ultrasound probably would really be a good idea" then I would have felt more informed.

Hmmm, that's a tough one, meow. What's your gut telling you? I'd go with my instincts. You've mentioned a lot around the practising climate, so it sounds like you're trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean you'd rather take this as an isolated incident?
I'm really unsure of my instincts. I guess I feel like there is more going on here and it's more about miscommunication between us, than her being the wrong person. I did reply that I didn't want her to get defensive it's just that an ultrasound is not a minor decision for me and I feel like everything is fine so it's not needed, but I also didn't want to be flippant and ignore warning signs so I wanted her input. Also let her know that we're had sex since my pelvis pain has gone and there were no issues so I'm guessing that's a good sign. I think that helped her peace of mind too as I know she doesn't want to neglect us if there really are possible warning signs. I guess she doesn't know me enough yet to know when I'll really start sending up red flags.

I can also ask my peeps if you want if they know anyone in your area or if they know your IM.

in the short term...might be worth sending an email to Helen and asking about the spotting...see what she says and weigh it up with what your IM reckons.
I had considered talking to Helen about the whole thing and getting her advice. I know she would have been much clearer and wouldn't have suggested an ultrasound yet. It makes me miss her! I don't think I need anymore advice on the spotting- it was SO minor and I'm sure it's nothing. It's been days with nothing- I'm sure it was from pushing bookcases around Who are your peeps? Do they know people everywhere? Happy for any south SF bay area advice if anyone you know has any. My MW works in teams of two so at the birth we'll have someone else from her practice and they have all been in the area for ages so I'm sure they'll be a good resource in case of transfer/navigating 'the system' if needed.

We already have an appointment in about a week and a half so I'll wait till then but we need to make sure we talk about this stuff... I'll make some notes.