Homebirth General Discussion #22

[Lady-bug]

What's with the middle child?? Ds2 has horns, I'm sure. Hoping dd is more like Ds1...not sure I will cope if I have two personalities like Ds2. Is the bad??

[Freya]

Haha I dont have a middle child but they're all painful sometimes in their own ways. Ds #3 is my most stubborn, just like his dad. Was such a placid kid up until he turned 4 then BAM! We butt heads every single day atm. Lucky baby 4 was already born when he turned 4 otherwise I may have given up lol W is such a placid kid, quiet and easy going (except for when he is bossing his brothers around) so I got lucky there!

[Tegam]

I have two Leo's - enough said.

[meow]

Finally getting my birth story all written up. It's at least 4 pages!! Do you think I should make an edited version too? I felt very emotional about our almost transfer... actually I was terrified for a while there that I was going into a situation of certain birth trauma and I was very panicked. So I felt the need to write so much more "pre-birth" stuff than I have before as it's been a therapeutic process. I guess it'll need a trigger warning and then I'm worried no-one will read it, when I really need to input. I feel torn... I'm struggling to take that part out in an edited version, but then it's also not the point of the birth which was actually really euphoric and wonderful.

ETA: I think I answered this myself as I realised I don't want my birth story to have a trigger warning. So I'm going to post an edited version then the extended version in the comments.

[Tegam]

I think your birth story is about you and only you so do what you want I can't wait to read it!

[meow]

I posted it here: Unexpected Rock Chick Garage Birth

I think I'll post the extended version in this thread and will let you know if you don't want to read it. Though I never actually spoke to anyone who distressed me there is discussion of it so I'm not sure if that may be enough to trigger trauma in some, depending upon your experiences. It took a while to edit out names so I'll do it soon.

[Tegam]

Love the title meow. Will wait to read the long version! Good work writing your story! I get too caught up in it all to be able to write it all down well, and like you there would need. To be a lot of back story. I also want to remember how awesome little mans birth was rather than the crappy policy stuff that happened just before it but how do you separate it all...

[Tegam]

And yay and boohoo. Little man put on 710gm in the past 10 days. Why do the have to grow so quickly!

[Jennifer13]

Far out Tegam! That's gotta be some kind of record! You must be making cream, not milk.

Meow - great story, I'd love to read the full version.

[meow]

Here is my complete birth story. I put the extended version parts in italics in case you want to skip to those if you read the edited version If hearing about the way a hospital intends to not listen to your wishes is triggering then avoid this version. It is a positive birth and also shows the power of having an independent midwife fighting for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When deciding to have children DH and I were undecided if we wanted two or three. We settled on two but after having DS1 I knew I wouldn't feel done till we had three. We had DS2 still unsure if he would be our last then after umming and ahhing for a while we realised we really weren't done and we would go for baby #3, feeling sure this would be our last.

DS1's birth was a drug free, vaginal birth in a birth centre and while it went well I still felt limited and pressured by hospital protocols that did nothing to improve our birth outcomes. Having DS2 at home was a wonderful decision and I loved having him in the birth pool and being supported by our midwives. So for our last baby we planned another homebirth and I really wanted this to be a spectacular birth so I could finish my birthing years on a high.

While we had the first two babies in Australia we were now living in the United States so we needed to find a new midwife and learn about birthing within a new system. I spoke to a few midwives and chose one and commenced care. All seemed great and I was so excited to be going through this journey again. But then the results of routine first trimester blood work came back showing that I was positive for Hepatitis A. It turns out Hepatitis A is very common and most people have no symptoms and the active virus passes in a few weeks. Unless other symptoms occur with it, such as liver failure, then it poses no risk for pregnancy and birth. But the state of California has “Hepatitis” listed as a contraindication to homebirth, with no distinction made between A, B& C. The problem also was that at the start of 2014 they had also taken away the right of informed consent, so that if a woman decides to accept the risks a midwife can stay with her. Instead the midwife must transfer care or else face criminal charges. So my midwife informed me that at that point I would have to transfer to a hospital birth but I could try really hard and if I was lucky I might pass the virus before then and be able to stay home. So I went to our holistic doctor and an acupuncturist and made diet tweaks and took herbs and did more research, where I found out the high chance of passing the virus quickly.

I felt my midwife had really overreacted in the way she gave me the news of the Hepatitis and I was concerned about our communication for the continuing pregnancy and in labour, so I spoke to her about my concerns but things didn't really feel resolved. There was a big crack in our relationship then and I was hoping we could still sort it out. Meanwhile, I had another blood test which came back negative for Hepatitis A so the plans were back on to birth at home.

After my next midwife appointment I had concerns again about her approach so I spoke to her again and thought we had it resolved but then at 30weeks pregnant, she withdrew care. I was scrambling and stressed about finding another midwife who was not only available but also a good fit. It turns out things seem to happen for a reason because I started seeing my new MW and she was so incredible that I wish I had found her from the start. I felt instantly comfortable with her and things were looking up. But then more routine blood work, testing third trimester iron levels, showed I had low platelets.

Having low platelets increased my risk of having a major bleed at birth, as my blood may not clot and I was again risked out of a homebirth. I spent the remainder of the pregnancy trying to use diet, supplementation, visualisations and lots of sleep to build my platelets up. I went for weekly, and then twice weekly blood draws to try and see if I had levels high enough before baby came. But they kept see-sawing. They would come up and we would think surely we're going to beat this, only to retest and find they had dropped even lower again. I was stressed and upset and eventually started facing the significant possibility that I was going to have to transfer to hospital for this birth. There were a lot of tears and grief over the loss of my last hurrah birth at home. I was stressed about how hospital staff may medicalise the birth and our early newborn baby care. My MW and I made plans to transfer to a local hospital where she does most homebirth transfers and she reassured me that she is well known there and the staff would allow us to birth the way I wanted. My only remaining concern (apart from having to travel in the car in labour) was I could no longer have a waterbirth and I was worried about dealing with the pain and feeling anger during the labor that the option was taken from me. So my MW made enquires to a midwife at another hospital who had just returned from holidays and asked if she could take me on there. This was the only local hospital that allowed waterbirths, and only if you went in as a client of the midwife employed there. We also made an appointment with a hematologist to investigate my low platelets further and see if more could be done.

Then, at 39 weeks and 5 days my labour started. The night before I had had a very unsettled sleep and I felt like baby was 'preparing' and I was wondering if labour was close. I had a feeling I'd been asking this baby to stay put for too long and I had to accept some time soon that they couldn't wait for me to keep doing these blood tests and hoping for higher platelets. That day I felt heavy and tired and I did the bare minimum I could, getting DS1 to and from school and speech therapy. We got home around 3.30pm and I started to notice I had some very mild pain. When DH came home about an hour later I asked him to take over preparing dinner as I laid down for a rest on the couch and timed the pains to see if they were coming at intervals. After 45mins I found they were coming every 15mins so we realised I was most likely in early labour as this was the same way my contractions started with DS1 and DS2. All my fears of hospital transfer went away as I felt so excited now that we were having a baby!!! Then I went to the toilet and had some bleeding so things really were happening and I called my MW at around 5.30pm to let her know. I called our doula to let her know too as she would becoming over to stay with the boys when we went to the hospital. We had hired our doula to be available as birth support for the boys and she was also going to be preparing my placenta and staying on to help as a postpartum doula so I was at least looking forward to bringing our placenta home for her to make into a post birth smoothie and encapsulate.
I had a talk to my MW about our current situation. The hospital that allowed waterbirths wouldn't accept me as they wanted me to see their high-risk clinic before deciding whether to admit me and it was clearly too late for that now. So we were back to the plan of transferring to the first hospital and my MW was going to call them and let them know we would most likely be in that night.

Over the next few hours things were slowly ramping up. Contractions were about 10mins apart but only lasting about 30 seconds and always very mild. As we put the boys to bed we talked to them about our doula coming over and Mummy and Daddy might be gone having the baby when they woke up. They both seemed to sense labour and needed me to do their baths and get them ready for bed. I took the chance to give them extra hugs and watch them sleeping knowing it was the last time we would be our little family of four.
I spoke to my MW again to let her know labour was progressing and to find out news on the hospital. It wasn't good. The doctor in charge wanted me to have a blood test to check my current level of platelets as soon as I was admitted. He also said I would have to have an internal exam on admittance and an IV for saline in case I ended up having a haemorrhage. I didn't mind the blood test but I wasn't planning on turning up to the hospital till I was in established labour and the doctor would probably have a panic that there was no time to get the lab results back. I also really didn't want an IV. I didn't care too much about restricted movement so long as it was on wheels as I don't move a whole lot in labour anyway, but I am very sensitive to touch and I knew the cannula in my arm would seriously disrupt my labour and my ability to relax and deal with labour pains. My MW didn't feel that having the IV was really necessary but she felt that negotiating just having a cannula put in so I could be given IV fluids quickly if needed would help appease the hospital staff. I couldn't see how having just a cannula was any better than the whole IV so that bothered me. The biggest issue was the internal exam as I was not going to consent to it. My MW said they actually can't turn me away so would have to admit me without the internal exam but we knew it was going to impact the way I was treated. She had worked with this doctor during transfers before and had great experiences with him but also times where he was awful to the patients, generally in cases where they were declining his recommendations. I was starting to panic that I was seriously looking at walking into a very traumatic birth and I was crying on the phone to her. She told me to remember that the words to say are “I do not consent” and I felt more scared than ever. My MW said she would call around a few other hospitals in the area to find out who was working that night and what other options we might have.

After getting off the phone I explained what was happening to DH and we discussed the possibility of having a freebirth. We knew we couldn't ask our MW to come to our house so we considered staying home and calling an ambulance at the last minute so they could arrive in time in case I was bleeding. Given I knew I was at increased risk of bleeding though we were antsy about that route as timing would be critical and it felt too risky. So I continued to labour on hoping to reach a point where I was overcome by the labouring haze and would be able to let DH and our MW argue with the doctors while I (hopefully) remained blissfully unaware.

At around 8pm contractions moved to about 5 minutes apart and I called our doula and asked her to come over so that she would be there in case we had to leave. I called our MW again and we made a plan to transfer to another hospital. She had found one with a charge nurse on that night who was totally on board and said I could decline anything. She planned to meet us at emergency so that she could go with to labour & delivery and ensure that my decisions to decline to any exams were respected. I was so relieved and felt okay about the transfer after that. I felt a calm go through me and I knew labour was ramping up (though I was still able to talk through contractions) so I was ready to face it. It felt like such a last minute scramble but I was so grateful to my MW for continuing to find me the best possible option right up to the 11th hour.

I went upstairs to hop in the shower as my contractions were getting more painful and I hoped to warm water would help. I realised I just wanted to be on all fours during my contractions though and kneeling in the bath with the shower water spraying everywhere just wasn't working for me so I hopped out again soon enough. Many times in my labour I longed for the birth pool and this was one of them!

I kneeled on the floor leaning over the end of our bed and kept working through the contractions. Our doula arrived while I was in the shower and I saw her poke her head in the bedroom so I told her she could come in. She and DH sat in the room and I talked to them in between contractions. I kept thinking labour must still have a long way togo as I was so lucid and had no pain between contractions. I asked DH how far apart they were and he said they were about 3 minutes apart and 40 seconds long so things seemed to really be progressing though I thought we had a long time to go. At about 9.30pm I had some really intense contractions that made me feel nauseous and shaky and all I could think was “I can't do this”. Transition!! I was shocked and told DH to call our MW as I thought I was in transition and it was time to head to the hospital. I got up to go to the toilet and then as I stood at the sink I felt baby turn and drop down into my pelvis through two more contractions. It was so intense I couldn't move and then I could barely walk to get to the car. DH and our doula helped me downstairs and I had to stop at the bottom of the stairs for another contraction.

During the contraction my uterus was suddenly pushing hard and I felt something bulge out. I had the burning feeling of crowning then it retracted as the contraction passed. I told DH and told him to call our MW again as I thought the baby was coming out. He talked to her on speakerphone and she had me check for the head which I couldn't feel so she said it was most likely the waters starting to bulge out. She said was about 15 minutes from the hospital and it would take us about that long too so she could meet us there if we headed off now. I had pushed the waters and then baby out for about one to two hours in my previous labours so I guessed I had at least 30 more minutes so I said we'd go and I rushed to the garage.

I had asked DH to take the boys carseats out earlier so I could kneel in the back seat for the trip to the hospital. As I was just about to get in I had another contraction and the pushing was even stronger and the burning crowning feeling was more intense as something bigger was coming out. It felt big and I thought it might be baby's head so I pulled off my undies and told DH the baby was coming and he had to call our MW again. It was so thrilling and exciting to have my body pushing so hard and with such strength! Second stage had always been long and labourious for me- this was a new experience! Neither DH or I felt anxious or worried and even though we had just hours before decided against a freebirth it didn't occur to me to call an ambulance or to think anything was going to go wrong.

Things happened quickly then. I was trying to hold what was coming out and called for someone to put towels down on the concrete floor. DH put my pillow that I had with me down and coaxed me down to kneel and assured me he would catch the baby so I could focus and relax. Our doula brought a small waterproof sheet and we both asked again for towels on the hard floor. She found our old towels and brought them so DH put them under me on the floor too. The forewaters came out and hung there then during the next contraction baby's head came out. I could hear our MW and DH talking on speakerphone. I remember our MW asking if my undies were off and reminding me to breathe as baby was coming out. After the head came out she asked DH to check if he could see the cord and if it was around baby's neck but it wasn't. Next contraction baby's chest and arms came out so DH supported baby, ready to catch them and stop them falling to the floor. I could feel baby's legs were stuck in the next contraction though and I asked DH if he was holding the baby up. He said he was so I asked him to hold baby down so the legs could come out and as he did baby slid out, and at 10pm was born!

Baby cried as soon as she was born- so we all knew she was breathing! And she was a girl! After two beautiful boys we now also had a little girl in our family. DH laid her down on the pillow and towels and I carefully turned around, stepping over the umbilical cord and picked her up. We live between our MW and the hospital and when baby was born she was only a few minutes from our house, passing as she was heading to the hospital. So she drove to our house instead and arrived very soon after while we were still beaming over our new baby on the garage floor.

Our doula had been busy setting up our homebirth supplies on the couch in our lounge room so I moved there to rest with baby and work on birthing the placenta. Our MW gave me a herbal drink and tincture to assist with the third stage. While I hadn't bled after the birth, we were aware that I was still at risk of a major bleed while birthing the placenta so we wanted it go smoothly. The placenta ended up being a little more work than I expected and came about 40 minutes later, while I was on the birth stool. Then I did start to bleed a bit. As we had already discussed, our MW massaged my uterus asking me to “go inside” and focus on clamping it down. She also gave me a shot of pitocin and after a short time the bleeding stopped and ended up only being a minor loss.

DH, baby and I rested on the couch for some time before eventually cutting the cord. I did it this time as I hadn't wanted to before and this was my last chance. Then we went upstairs, I had a quick shower and we checked baby. Then at about 2am our MW and doula left and we settled down in our bed to sleep, feeling grateful and euphoric to have avoided a hospital transfer and to have had an unassisted birth that we did together as a team.

The next morning DS1 and DS2 came into our room and were so thrilled to find their new little baby sister in our bed. We enjoyed the day snuggling and blissed out with our now completed family.

Weight: 8lb 9oz/3.88kg
Length: 53.5cm long
Head Circumference: 35.5cm

[Tegam]

Wow. Meow. Thanks for sharing. Even though I knew most of it and we'd talked while it was all happening in your pregnancy it is still hard to read. I know you had a beautiful birth but boy there was some stress involved in your pregnancy! Hugs to you and I'm so glad in the end you got such a unique and special birth of miss r!

[boomba]

Hi girls can I join this group? I am hoping for a home birth in June! I am meeting a midwife next week and have my doula booked

[Freya]

Im starting to panic and wonder if Ive made the wrong decision going through the CMP. I know its probably just residual fear and a bit of trauma from the way my last pregnancy and birth went but I keep hearing of people being cut away by the program without warning and I dont know if I can go through that again.

But I think Ive left it to late for an IM (plus we just dont have 5000 bucks).

[Tegam]

Oh Freya. Are you on the Facebook Homebirth group too? They have been slamming cmp a bit. But hey I was dumped by my IMs at 40+2 until I jumped thru their hoops. Not that reassuring I admit but just pointing out there is no guarantee with providers. You do need to be prepared to fight for what you want! And sadly probably be willing to jump thru some hoops. Hugs.

[Freya]

Oh Freya. Are you on the Facebook Homebirth group too? They have been slamming cmp a bit. But hey I was dumped by my IMs at 40+2 until I jumped thru their hoops. Not that reassuring I admit but just pointing out there is no guarantee with providers. You do need to be prepared to fight for what you want! And sadly probably be willing to jump thru some hoops. Hugs.

Yeah I am, in hindsight probably not the group for me but now Im panicking and wondering if Im going to regret this. Its the last thing I want

[Tegam]

Welcome boomba

[Tegam]

Oh Freya. I didn't look at the group much until the last few weeks. Maybe cut it out for awhile.

[Freya]

Im going too I think. And Im going to research my IM options and lay it all out for my CMP midwife at my appt at 24wks. Worse case, I freebirth I suppose.