Homebirth General Discussion #3

[Cassius2]

i think that what her intention with the reply was to highlight that her role at a birth is important (not that you need to be told!) and goes beyond 'making it' to the birth...this was my impression (i agree that she was emotive, but i guess given the current environment: particularly in certain states of Aus, this is to be expected).

my impression is that she would recommend that you go the whole hog and book for a HB. which of course holds the very real possibility of her not making it in time for the baby coming out bit...BUT it does mean that even if she were to miss that bit that she would be there immediately after attending to you and bubs and going through placental checks etc and providing support (in whatever capacity...measuring, weighing, checking for tears, retention, or at the worst, helping with resus or helping with transfer).

in the antenatal period i guess you guys could come up with various action plans that suit you all (going through possible scenarios etc)...and this *could* be really helpful in allowing you to 'claim' or 'own' your birth no matter how it happens ITMS.

of course, this all comes at cost...for me, it would be worth it, because having her arrive in that immediate post birth moment would be really important, BUT that is my journey...

[Eenee]

Tegam: hun. I guess I can see the point of the letter but i don't think she went the right way about it- I think she was stressing how important it is to have a midwife, but instead of just saying that she used unecessary scare tactics. Which I really think you didn't need to hear because your distressed enough as it is about the situation. Stop doubting yourself hun, if anyone was capable of birthing on your own it'd be you. Trust your body and i'm sure if you thought something was not right you could call an ambulance. So now you've got to think whether forking out the money for a midwife who may not make it is worth it? Also if you are not comfortable with this midwife are there any other IM in the area that you could use that may not be as expensive. Either that or you can come live with me for the last month of the pregnancy and use my IM, she only charges per hour + fee for the paper work. Sorry im not very helpful you are usually the one with the wise words!

[meow]

Oh Tegam- I'm sorry you've been left feeling doubt in yourself.

TBH I'm not really surprised by her reply. I think overall she sounds really lovely and supportive but I think she would feel it important in a written, recorded conversation to remind you of the role of trained birth attendents and the responsibilities you take on board if you choose to birth without them.

She has said she could provide pre & postnatal care (just potentially not immediately post-natally) if you want so I'd personally still be interested in having her involved if you want... unless you found her antenatal appointments became fear-mongering sessions.

She doesn't seem to get what you're up against with the hospital system BUT they can't force an induction or hospital stay so as she says, you could use them for pre & post-natal care if you want and just plan to turn up in labour (should you make it there) and your birth should be quick so they shouldn't have time to intervene. Or you could still just plan not to turn up.

At the end of the day, choosing a freebirth is about taking full ownership and responsibility for the birth. No-one can give you permission or approval for that- that would be contradictory as giving approval holds a certain ownership IYKWIM and no-one can own this but you. And that's beautiful! I've only just started to come around to the power of that myself... I realised I was still placing ownership of this birth with my IMs but it's much more empowering to claim it for myself.

All the bestand keep chatting it out!

[Tegam]

Still all over the place about the email.

I am booked into the local hospital and have been revieving ante natal care through them and my plan was to go there after and have the post natal check and paparework done. In writting to her i was just trying to explore the idea that it would be nice to not have to put myself and a brand new baby in a car straigth away for paperwork!

Thats what i mean i feel/felt like i had made appropriate plans for the most likely event of a quick birth.

If the risks she talks about are so high and as she suggests that i call an ambulance when i start labour then it just makes me also wonder about my last birth with her. She didnt come and check me when i called her two hours before birth and said i felt funny and was being sick. She also didnt suggest we call and ambulance when my DH called to say i was in labour and all she said when she got the call that id had the baby was "Oh i thought that might happen" Not call an ambulance. She didnt arrive for another 40mins. Way too long in the case of her scare tactics story.

She just makes me feel like all was ok that time cause id paid someone and freebirthed and this time wouldnt be ok cause i dont want to throw money away.

We ended up using a emergency pack a MW friend had sent me for the birth. My IM hadnt even set us up with cord clamps or anything. We had the O2 but not really anything else.

Oh i dont even know what the point of my dribble is about.

I suppose it comes down to the fact that i feel OB use scare tactics when it comes to birth to convince people to spend the money and i feel like she has just done the same thing!

[Eenee]

hun I can understand where you are coming from. Have you pm'd Tanya she might be able to help you with what to do with the paperwork side of things?

And I understand the point of your dribble, you want the best for you and your baby!

[Cassius2]

Tegam: she's not the person to be your midwife...that's my honest opinion. the person who should share this journey with you and your family cannot bring fear or feelings of stress into your life...this is far too important event. i would suggest that it would be beneficial to test the waters with someone else. it's obvious that this birth journey this time is not with her ITMS...

my concern if you do decide to freebirth is that it is because you found closed doors everywhere and had no other real option, and i reckon that's not the best place to be (i'm talking emotionally/spiritually here) when bringing a new beautiful life into the world. claim this birth baby!! you need to feel empowered with whatever decision you go with...

gosh i hope this comes across the right way...

[meow]

I have to agree with Cassius. Beautifully said!

Hearing you talk about the fear mongering, you're right Tegam. She was happy not to convery such aloof fears last time so why now? I think it sounds like she was great MW for you last time but she's not part of this journey.

I don't think you need to go to hospital or have a MW to get the birth paperwork sorted for an unattended birth. I'm pretty sure you can write a stat dec and have it cosigned by a doctor/midwife who saw you were pregnant. You will by now have plenty of written evidence of your pregnancy so you'd be fine to stay at home and register this baby's birth afterwards.

[Tegam]

I have to agree with Cassius. Beautifully said!

Hearing you talk about the fear mongering, you're right Tegam. She was happy not to convery such aloof fears last time so why now? I think it sounds like she was great MW for you last time but she's not part of this journey.

I don't think you need to go to hospital or have a MW to get the birth paperwork sorted for an unattended birth. I'm pretty sure you can write a stat dec and have it cosigned by a doctor/midwife who saw you were pregnant. You will by now have plenty of written evidence of your pregnancy so you'd be fine to stay at home and register this baby's birth afterwards.

Ill look into that further! Thats where it gets weird, it feel 'wrong'for noone to take a look at the baby or myself after....

More questions for Tanya too hehe!!

[Tegam]

Hearing you talk about the fear mongering, you're right Tegam.

Thats what upsets me the most!

You are very right, not the right MW for me!

[Tegam]

gosh i hope this comes across the right way...

Oh gosh it really did!

Thank you ladies for all your support.I know its there if needed and i like to be there for others but sometimes the overwhelmingly kind people in this forum blow me away.

Thank you again and i will keep you posted. Its going to be a journey to get to the right choice but hopefully its a nice ride!