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That is so sweet. Thank you. I'm not sure when I'll bring it up for discussion. We want to get through the 2nd trimester first, as it's possible DS's genetic condition could be picked up quite late via u/s. It's hard to plan when we don't know if bub is OK or not. I can only assume s/he is and go from there.:
Oh Tash such a hard time for you! Do you like/want to talk about it? Dont want to ask questions if its just going to upset or stress you!
Tash, I can't imagine how hard that must be. I found it hard enough to start believing I was actually having a baby after having 4 miscarriages but, after what you went through... God, I just cannot fathom that feeling. Big, big hugs. I have absolutely everything crossed for a healthy baby for you this time x
Tash you are incredibly strong! But we are all here for you. I really hope this bub is ok. :hug:
So well said!:
Tash i know i was borderline kookoo being pregnant will Molly! You are doing a great job!
:leap: 26weeks stoked! WOOHOO!
Thanks ladies. DS died from a genetic condition we knew nothing about. The 12 and 20 week scans showed all to be normal. In many cases, a CVS or amnio could be done in subsequent pregnancies to test the baby for the same condition. In our case, that's not possible. The only way something can be detected is in detailed ultrasounds. I've read a bit about it and it's possible the same condition might not be picked up until 32 weeks. I hope in our case, that nothing is shown and that baby is healthy. Anyway, that's why there's no "safe" time for me. However, I will assume if ultrasounds at 34-36 weeks show bub to be OK, that's because sh/he is. If not, we birth in hospital and we say goodbye to another baby.
It's not something I like to dwell on, TBH. It is what it is and we can't change it. Meanwhile, I started feeling little taps every day last week, which is early compared to DS. Of course, I haven't felt anything today. There's always something to worry about. I'm trying to train myself not to - it doesn't do me any good.
I suppose, this is one reason why I so want a homebirth. We have so much else to worry about. I dont want to relive the trauma of going to hospital. I dont feel safe in hospitals. For me, that's where people die. Birthing in hospital will just add so many more layers of post traumatic stress, I'm scared my own memories, fear and anxiety will mean a stalled labour and all the medicalised nonsense that could mean. Strangers freak us both out (this is a normal part of grief). We can't have strangers in our house, let alone walking in on our birthing space. The thought of someone taking my baby away from me again sends me into such a state of fear and grief.
I just want to stay home, where I'm safe, with people I know well, who I can be comfortable with. And birth our baby in peace, then crawl into our own bed for snuggles and not come out until we're ready.
Of course, if at any time we need medical attention, then we're not shy about transferring. We did before for a good reason, we'll do it again if we have to. But I want to make sure we've got good birth plans agreed in time. Last time, DS came before we'd had a chance to write the birth plan and we made it up as we went.
Sorry about the novel :redface:
Tashy I'm sure there will be many watching over you and holding your hand in cyberspace. If only the well wishes and hopes of so many could ensure everything goes as it should :hug:
How lovely to feel your baby tapping away inside you
:hug: Tash. If only there was more that could be done. :pray: for a great u/s outcome at 34 wks.
Have you chosen a m/w yet?
Does my ticker say 26 weeks? (can't see on my phone) I'm actually 28w 4d!:
this might sound really strange and not well thought out, but if bubba does have the same condition, do you have to have them in hossy? i'm just thinking outta the box here because my mate who had a baby with severe breathing complications was born at home (they didnt know about his congenital issues) and the thing that stuck in my mind was that the mum said it was the best birth journey she could of given him as it was peaceful, quiet and respectful ITMS.:
also...not sure (total brainstorm moment from someone with a PTSD and fear of birth wards :)) if baby does have the same thing as baby L could you still bring them home? i know that it sounds weird, but maybe that could be a good way to run from the hossy and spend quiet time with your people?
just a thought...and you dont need to answer to this at all...total brainstorm :)
Stoked: omg, not long for you either! wow, once that 27 weeks is past it all just seems to hit fast forward for me :rofl:
almost 29! Lord Stoked Im well stoked for you!
Cass: You said what i didnt have time to write last night! amazing words!
Tash never a noval! Thanks for sharing and be asured we are all here for you for the long haul! I am so sorry that they cant test at 12weeks! But a baby is a baby whether it be 12 weeks or 34weeks, we love them all!
Cassius wrote what i was thinking. If i knew that my bubba might not have a long time with us, it would make me more encouraged to make that time the best for our family, and for me that would be at home.
My decision would be more difficult if treatments that needed hospital were possible.
Hoping that we (collectively) don't face those decisions.
Tahsy, I just want to give you the biggest hug imaginable. You are such an incredible strong woman, really! I can only begin to imagine what you have been through. I pray so much that this babe is completely healthy!
I too was thinking the same as PPs regarding staying at home. I know for us, if we knew that we were going to birth a babe who would not survive despite any medical care, it would be even more important to do so at home, where they wouldn't be taken away or poked and prodded. I hope you don't even have to think about that situation ever again though. :hug: :hug: :hug:
I understand the idea about birthing at home, even if bub will die. In many ways that's quite an attractive option, as we can do things our own way. There's no way DH could live in a house where our child has died and I'm not sure I could either. The hospital were extremely good to us when DS died, giving us time and peace. They lack the facilities like a comfortable double bed in a private room, which is one of the things I want them to work on. Despite my anxiety about hospitals, we were treated very well. They looked after us and DS with respect. If bub is going to die, there's no reason for them to be poked and prodded. Last time, they didn't know what was wrong, so they tried to save him. But I do see the attraction of having bub at home and letting them go peacefully in my arms.
Hopefully it won't come to that. I'm going to cross that bridge if we have to. TBH, part of me just wants to stick my head in the sand and sing NAH NAH NAH until it all goes away. Meanwhile, I had a shocking day today with DH going away for work, rehashing a bunch of things relating to DS's birth and death in counselling and rising anxiety because I hadn't felt bub move in a couple of days. I came home early as I wasn't productive, stuffed myself with chocolate and had a nap. The nap helped calm me down and the chocolate seems to have given bub a rush and there's been more movement. So feeling lots better :)
Jen - we have the same MW we used last time. The need for continuity of care really influenced me wanting a HB this time as well. She knows our history, knows how I birth (apparently I could birth in a tree) and she has an emotional investment in us, DS and this little wiggle monster. Our care is between out MW and our GP, with unofficial backup from the OB who oversaw things at the hospital. We did some OB shopping and it was DH who felt he wasn't comfortable with them. We really dont feel comfortable with strangers. And you just can't beat appointments in your living room on a Sunday morning for convenience :)
Tash - your MW sounds perfect. At least that's something you have sorted. Hopefully this time she will be helping you welcome your beautiful earth baby (although preferably not in a tree!).
I went to the GP today to organize prenatal bloods and my first u/s. I told her I was looking into a HB and she was supportive. Also spoke well of the hospital midwifery unit nearby, which would be my second preferred option. One step further away from the ob and the private hospital today!
haha so true!:
great, now i want chocolate....mmmmmmm mm mmmmmmm.
I'm glad the chocolate came through for you.