Thanks ladies. DS died from a genetic condition we knew nothing about. The 12 and 20 week scans showed all to be normal. In many cases, a CVS or amnio could be done in subsequent pregnancies to test the baby for the same condition. In our case, that's not possible. The only way something can be detected is in detailed ultrasounds. I've read a bit about it and it's possible the same condition might not be picked up until 32 weeks. I hope in our case, that nothing is shown and that baby is healthy. Anyway, that's why there's no "safe" time for me. However, I will assume if ultrasounds at 34-36 weeks show bub to be OK, that's because sh/he is. If not, we birth in hospital and we say goodbye to another baby.
It's not something I like to dwell on, TBH. It is what it is and we can't change it. Meanwhile, I started feeling little taps every day last week, which is early compared to DS. Of course, I haven't felt anything today. There's always something to worry about. I'm trying to train myself not to - it doesn't do me any good.
I suppose, this is one reason why I so want a homebirth. We have so much else to worry about. I dont want to relive the trauma of going to hospital. I dont feel safe in hospitals. For me, that's where people die. Birthing in hospital will just add so many more layers of post traumatic stress, I'm scared my own memories, fear and anxiety will mean a stalled labour and all the medicalised nonsense that could mean. Strangers freak us both out (this is a normal part of grief). We can't have strangers in our house, let alone walking in on our birthing space. The thought of someone taking my baby away from me again sends me into such a state of fear and grief.
I just want to stay home, where I'm safe, with people I know well, who I can be comfortable with. And birth our baby in peace, then crawl into our own bed for snuggles and not come out until we're ready.
Of course, if at any time we need medical attention, then we're not shy about transferring. We did before for a good reason, we'll do it again if we have to. But I want to make sure we've got good birth plans agreed in time. Last time, DS came before we'd had a chance to write the birth plan and we made it up as we went.
Sorry about the novel
) if baby does have the same thing as baby L could you still bring them home? i know that it sounds weird, but maybe that could be a good way to run from the hossy and spend quiet time with your people?
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