How did/does the non-birthing partner feel about a HB?

[meow]

Recent chat on the forum about men's perspective of HB has surprised me. I guess I knew that men are commonly perceived as nervous about HB, I just sort of thought it was a stereotype and maybe not actually common.

My H is completely comfortable about a HB. I talked about a HB first time but decided against it for cost reasons but my H was never concerned about having one then- I checked with him if he felt glad that we went to a birth centre for the first birth and if that comforted him but he says no, he wouldn't have minded a HB then either.

So how did/does your partner feel about a HB? Or you, if you're the non-birthing partner? Is the perception of most men being nervous a reality, or a myth?

[Roryrory]

My DH is probably more relaxed about it than me most days I am the one who gets all the irrational fears opping into my head, and he is the one who counters with reminders that I have already had two trouble-free births and that if birth was such a deadly thing we wouldn't propogate as a species.

[Cassius2]

I think that both DH and thought (pre-kids and pre meeting IRL people that had HB) that HB was what other people did. we didnt give much thought to it or to the process or why they would go that route. For both DH and I the turning point came after watching 'the business of being born'. for the first time EVER i saw a birth take place (the african american family having their second baby) that matched my and DHs dreams and imaginings of how birth should be. Straightaway DH was all for a HB and mentioned quite a few times. it took me a bit longer, i thought that i could achieve that kind of 'zone' in a BC, but after doing a tour when i was 5 weeks pg i realised that was not going to happen. So we walked out and called an IM.
DH is super excited and feels ALOT more involved and part of the growing of this baby ITMS. he is not shoved to the sidelines and our MWs have made sure of that too.

[stepmum1]

My DH didn't love the idea at first but is the biggest convert now. He loves homebirth and very happily talks to all who listen that his 3rd son was born at home.

[jackrose]

My DH was all for it! I think his enthusiasm was based on three things. Firstly our first birth in the hospital system was not particularly nice and did not go very well, secondly, I had already done a lot of research about hb and he trusted me and my decision and thirdly, he is a wise and reasonable man and he could see clearly that it was the best option for us.

I was thankful all the way through my pg that I had him on board 100% from the start as I think sometimes the groundswell of negativity around hb is enough to deal with, without having to heal with it in your relationship too.

Having said that, I generally did not counter much resistance to our decision to have a hb, but I do have a few friends who have said they would love a hb but their partners will not have a bar of it or have had a few partners specifically say that they are too fearful of having a hb.

In my opinion though - knowledge is power . Knowing more about the realities of hb makes people much more comfortable about it. It doesn't necessarily mean that everyone will take that path, but I have found it does make people more comfortable with it as a viable option.

[~clover~]

He hates the idea! I have a friend here who's HB'd her last 2 children, & all my friends are accepting of it & pro HB, although, like me, none of them have done it. Either by choice or medical reasons.
When I first found out we were utd, one of the first things he said to me was 'don't go thinking you're having a HB!' If I wanted it, trust me, I wouldn't him sway my decision. But, luckily for him, its not something I feel comfortable with for myself anyway.

I have secretly hoped though, that this bub comes a little too quick to make the hossy....shhh... lol

[onthefly]

I think the deciding factor for my DH was remembering how things went down the first time round - it's not how he wants our children born. Probably if we were looking at a homebirth for our first he might feel differently, but right now concern about unecessary and unpleasant medical stuff outweighs any fears about "what-ifs" during a homebirth.

[meow]

Thanks for your replies. It's interesting- I guess there would be more response about partners who are not keen on homebirth, outside of the homebirth section

Thanks for your input clover. It's funny how your partner can be so certain he's against it- do you know why?

And it's a shame to hear many women say their partners are all for homebirth after watching them go through a traumatic hospital birth I guess the same could be said for the birthing women's perspective of homebirth a lot of the time too. It's outrageous the scars of traumatic birth that are being left behind on women with no action required from the hospitals.

[~clover~]

TBH, I think its simply coz he doesn't know anything about it, & just because its not the 'norm'. He was also trying to convince me that DS didn't need to be BF after about 15 months too & kept trying to convince me to wean. But then if I was ever worried about someone's reaction, he would be the first to suggest I tell them where to go. So I think while he's not comfortable with it himself, he does accept that it is my body & my choice, & as long as I'm doing the best for our kids, he's happy.

[deletedit]

Thanks for your replies. It's interesting- I guess there would be more response about partners who are not keen on homebirth, outside of the homebirth section

Here's one for you then :P

Mine is very much against the idea. It came up last night when they had that baby who died in a homebirth on the news.

His one birth experience was a totally uncomplicated, intervention-free good hospital one though, and we're back at the same hospital, same doc (not that the doc was actually there), same midwives etc this time so there's no compelling reasons to do anything at all differently this time.

That said, he didn't like the hospital food much so we only stayed there 24 hours last time. They sent the midwives/nurses out to our house to do all the postnatal check stuff for a few weeks afterwards, and because of our location we got a volunteer for a few hours a week to help around the house as part of the package deal.

[Tegam]

My DH was agaisnt it to start. I was getting all stressed about hw i was going on convince him it was safe. Everytime i came up with a stat that was correct he would come out with some uneducated guess. In the end i said that i was not going to prove to him why....he was going to have to prove to me why NOT! in the end he just couldnt back up any of his fears. He came round beautifully and is the one that started talking FB for this one!