dds birth was terrible and really should have been shorter than it was, I had a new or student midwife in an understaffed hospital and although I get they need to learn - she couldn't tell if my water had broken and everything I asked she would run out and ask someone else!
When dd was born I was numb- a dr asked me a few weeks after birth "didn't I love my baby" and ive never ever felt worse than I did at that moment because I honestly couldn't answer him. All that overcome and we were going great and I was hit with my first panic attack.... Seemingly from nowhere!! Since then I've struggled on and off with anxiety and I wanted another baby but it took a long time to feel ok with that and realize it may or may not happen again. Right now I have times of depersonalization but I'm doing ok, taking rescue remedy and just breathing through it.
Birth is a long way away and to keep sanity im not thinking about it because it raises lots of what ifs and then lots of anxiety.
I don't like the idea of induction (I was due to be induced the day after dd was born and it scared me then - by my dates she would have been "due" the day of induction by their dates I was 41weeks). In saying that I want to play by ear how I go because as time goes on and the unknown gets closer (will I cope with 2, will I be ok this time, will I be filled with joy at the birth etc etc) I may or may not be coping so great. If at any stage it becomes too much I just want to know others experiences of induction. Christmas is an anxious time for me as is (so is my birthday and dds birthday) without worrying what's around the corner.
Essentially I want to know I have some competence on my side, someone who might even remind me and breath with me at the birth. I don't want an induction (unless panic attacks start up then I'll reconsider) as for dh I give him a look each time he says it, but without the research (which I just started the last few days) I haven't been able to explain to him why I don't want one (initially I was worried about additional stress and pain).
Kelly before my mc last pg I was looking into a doula - particularly because I would love dd to be there (granted both her and i can stay calm enough), or a water birth (or at least stay in water as long as possible) and really just someone to speak for me when I cant. I will look into it again once I've had my midwife appointment.
In the meantime I'm also looking into preg yoga and calm birth.
Now that I know the increased risks of cs I will definately be avoiding induction if I can! I really am not keen on cs and I think that would do nothing but instill more panic!!!
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