Oh Kim, hugs from me too. I do know how you feel. But as Flea said, you have done a fantastic job and having gone past 12 months at least you don't have to worry about formula. It is ok to grieve and I hope you are getting some support in IRL - I didn't really as everyone thought I should have weaned him once pg. So I hope you are because it is a big thing in a mother's life to finish that bfing relationship. But I can tell you that my relationship with Jack still remained strong and I did feel better about it after a while. And it is much better to know that they have made the choice, not us. Take care.