DS - Was born 6 weeks early and spent 18 days in SCN. He spent just over a week in and out of lights for jaundice and most of that time i was not allowed to BF. As i was very naive about BF at that time we allowed them to give him formula when i was unable to express enough for the feed. Noone at the hospital showed me how to use a pump and i thought i was doing it right so didn't ask for any. When we got to take him home i hired an electric pump and tried to fully BF, of course my milk had not come in properly and as the hospital had him on 4hr feeds when discharged i was trying to stick with it. I ended up with lacerated nipples on both sides from incorrect pumping, he didn't attach properly which caused more damage and even with a LC visit things weren't improving. He had lost around .5kg by 6 weeks and we thought we made the right choice and switched to FF. I still feel guilty about it now but he is a very happy healthy 2yr old which is all anyone can really ask for.

DD - This time around i knew a little (and only a little) bit more about BF and I swore to BF for at least 12months. She was born 38 weeks at 2.8kgs (a little small but so am i) She attached beautifully within a couple of minutes of being born and i was left in peace by the hospital for nearly an hour, the entire time she was suckling and cuddling - was the most beautiful experience of my life and i will treasure it forever. I decided to discharge the same day and went home that arvo. Had midwifes visit every day for a week and everything was good. then at about 3 weeks old things deterioated (sp?) rapidly, she wasn't sleeping - i didn't know about sleep cycles, wasn't feeding properly as she was too tired, we were sharing the house with my mum & SF at the time and they would have the TV blaring until 11pm every night and did very little to help me out with Alex - i was actually asked to keep him quiet at times so they could watch TV and my darling girl was struggling to gain weight - GP told me she was failing to thrive and we gave it a couple more weeks and at 2 months she had only gained 900g. I felt terrible and felt pressured by DP, GP's & other family to FF. We did and she instantly picked up but i couldn't cope with the guilt & feelings of failure - 2 weeks into FF i inquired here on "FANTASTIC BB" whether i could relactate and yes it's possible so at 11 weeks we started - we still aren't fully BF as with absolutely no support i cant give her the few days we need to completely boost my supply, but we BF morning & night & BF off to naps and she is starting to sneak the odd one or two feeds in during the day. I am hoping that we will one day bin the bottles but if we dont i am at peace with things and am so thankful to all the lovely ladies here on BB for their support