I just need to vent....

At the moment DD wont take a bottle so Ive been put on Maxalon to increase supply, since having PND (feeling much much better now - almost all forgotten already) my anxiety levels were so bad that my milk started to dry up. I started on fenugreek and happily fed her every hour to try and get supply up although it worked to an extent it hasnt worked enough. Some mornings I still wake up with floppy boobs even on the Maxalon.

Anyway, Maxalon is making me so tired and so as soon as we can start her on a bottle again I am going to have to start to wean. It feels so failurish to have to do it. I keep thinking to myself of all my friends I am the only breastfeeder and so I've done a good job but I really wanted to last until 6 months.

After a doctor, breastfeeding day stay and numerous visits from the ABA it seems my supply just doesnt want to increase.
I never thought it would be so hard to breastfeed. It has been problem after problem for me which makes it harder to give up.

I left the hospital with cracked blistered bruised bleeding nipples, I let them heal
I then could not express without missing a feed first (ie every second feed), so i stopped trying
then DD was taking 2 hours to feed and was still not coming off 'drunk', we set a time limit to an hour then supplimented with forumla at the end,
then she started choking om bm(so badly I had to call an ambulance after her eyes rolled back), we had a nurse show me how to feed to laying back to prevent fast let down
Now supply is getting lower and lower, I started Maxalon, doing an extra feed at night tried hand expressing anything I could at the end of feeds, taking fenugreek and letting her comfort suck if she liked whatever time of the day.

Its so sad to soldier through it all just to have to give in. I just wanted to get it out. Considering by the end of week 1 I wanted to ff its funny how now I am so sad to be giving bfing up.