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Thread: Family Expectations & Pressure

  1. #19

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    Thanks guys - it has been great to know that other people feel the same -whether they are younger or not and that people also get the opposite pressure ie pressure to have children.

    My DH & I are feeling alot more confident in our choices lately and even though we are now waiting till March next year to start trying when the time comes to tell people I will not be defensive of our decision.

    Belly Belly has helped alot in this regard. Just chatting with other people has reinforced the fact that it is our life and our choices and only we have to be happy with them.



    Once again thanks for your responses!!

  2. #20
    lozelijah Guest

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    I will jump in here too, I was 21 when we got married and we fell pregnant a few months later and ever since then I feel like we have been judged from DH's family for not having a house or having ourselves set up etc etc etc My family have been great and extremely supportive from the begining ( after having a really rocky relationship before that)once Elijah was born we had alot of advice thrown our way but I have become good over the years at ignoring it anyway and just doing things my way so it became the same with parenting/ family planning, so now my mum doesnt really offer too much advice but is for the most part supportive of our parenting choices and even when I am feeling down about it she will find a way to make it seem ok. I suppose she can completely understand as she had me at just turned 17 and truly never really got to raise me.
    Dh's family are still extremely judemental from me still breastfeeding Elijah to not returning to work, wait til they hear what I am studying and why!

    I used to let it really get to me but now I think I have grown in that I don't let it bother me and ignore them or come back with comments that I know will irk them more then they have annoyed me. With the parenting things they think we are strange as we don't do what they do(BIL had a baby 2 months before us) but when comments have been made about it we just turn and say how we think they are weird because of things like cc etc but we just keep our mouths shut as it isnt our business. it has also helped that DH has become alot more comfortable with our parenting and life choices so he will now not compare us to them or tell them this is how it is and that is it.

    I just can't wait to tell them that we will homebirth the next baby whenever that will be... hahahaha

    I think regardless of your age yes your more septical to have the wait for baby pressure when your young but you also get the opposite when hitting your late 20's but the biggest thing I have had to realise is that it is about me and DH now well and of course Elijah now too but it is about OUR family unit and not the rest their opinions dont matter and if they care for us they will just deal with their insecurities on whatever the subject is.

  3. #21

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
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    Limestone Coast, SA
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    hi

    Don't listen to anyone, its up t you and DH.

    I really can relate to you, DH and I have been together for 4 years, got married 4/9/04 and have been ttc ever since. Nobody else knows we are ttc, so that we don't get any extra pressure put on us. My mum is the same as your dad, 'have a life first' 'have a career' 'travel', We are so ready to start a family, we bought a house last month are [-o< for a baby very soon.

    As long as you are true to yourself everything will be okay, once your baby is born your family won't care about age they will just adore your bub. O

    I know it can be very stressful dealing with other peoples comments, especially if you are close to them, but try not to let anyone stress you out.

    If it wasn't for the gorgeous girls at BB I don't know what I'd be like, probably have a mental breakdown!
    :lovebb:

    love elissa
    :smt057 Me21 DH28
    4/9/02

  4. #22

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    Feb 2005
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    Christchurch NZ
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    Hi guys i am going to jump back in here -

    Bloody IL's!!!!!!

    Can't they count!!! I was open with them at easter about starting my AF and hence clomid cycle as we were all living inthe same house and i am moody at the best of times and as it is a side effect of clomid i thought i would give them fair warning - three weeks later they are asking well how did it go any news yet!!!! Give me a chance!!!!

    Sorry i know that this probably is not the thread but since we've been talking about IL's....

  5. #23

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    Nov 2004
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    It never stop's, doesn't matter how old or young you are...

    My parents always have commenys on things & we just tell them yeah, yeah, Thanks! They smile & know we don't care for their opinions...

    I guess I am like Ambah, they learnt long ago, not to tell me how to live!
    But it will not stop as they always think they know better, Funny thing is DH & I now say stuff in Indo & they go, OK we get it you don't wanna hear it! We just laugh!

    I had DD when I was 25, I married DH when I was 29, but they still have opinions, I know my Aunty who's just turned 40 always get's told off etc from her Dad, it's quite funny... But the funnier bit is that both my parents have lost their Mum's (that's not funny), but that their Dads always tell them how to do stuff still & when they complain to us about it we laugh & say really, so we have another 30+ years of your B/S! They then luagh 7 realise it wont ever stop!!! But we can tell them to shut up!

  6. #24

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    i guess parents will always be our parents - and we wil more than likely be just as bad when its our turn!!!!

  7. #25

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    Sep 2004
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    So true. I mean I cant wait to be a mum & I bet I will be just as excited to be a nanna!


    Keen

  8. #26

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    Feb 2005
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    Christchurch NZ
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    yes being a granparent seems to mean you can dso anything you want regardless of the consequences - or it does with my parents!!! i think that there will have to be some boundaries put in place when its my turn to aloow the grandparents visitation rights!!!

  9. #27

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    The South East, South Australia
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    Default Re: Family Expectations & Pressure

    I feel for you! My dad is very the same thinks my dh are too young (25/26 respectively) but it's just ridiculous! I moved out when I was 16 and got married at 22 - bugger him! He also believes my medical condition preventing me getting pregnant is a joke and we don't really need ivf we just need a holiday and to relax... So. Hard. To. Refrain. From. ---- Him.
    Last edited by Astrid; April 10th, 2014 at 09:41 PM. Reason: removed inappropriate statement

  10. #28

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    The South East, South Australia
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    Default Re: Family Expectations & Pressure

    Oh and they are only pushing that on you cos they feel too young to be a grandparent and that's just selfish! Screw waiting till after 30! Do you know how much fertility declines then and is harder to get pregnant naturally?! Oh I do feel for you!

  11. #29

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    Aug 2009
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    The South East, South Australia
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    Default Re: Family Expectations & Pressure

    Wow just realised this is a reeeeaaalllly old post lol

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