Feeling unloved, anyone else?

[joshysmummy]

Im sure its a common problem, but its one im not liking.
I just feel that hubby is 'just not that into me' anymore!
Just wondering if there is a way to bring back the spark in a r/ship?
When we were dating everything was very lovey... we've been together for 5 years.. so its not like we dont know eachother well or anything..
We were having LOTS of sex all through that time and he wrote me letters etc.. all the sweet things.. but ever since i got pregnant, had bubs, i just feel as though he's not that interested in the sex, and the lovey-ness anymore.
Im back at my prebaby weight, he says he loves me still (we got married after bubs have a house etc) so i know its not a 'love' issue, but its frustrates me that he isnt very affectionate & i feel as though i have to force affection from him! Hes never been overly affectionate, but even when im the one giving the affection he gets annoyed cos he doesnt want it. Its upsetting me, and everytime i say something about it, he gets annoyed cos he reckons i keep going on about the same thing! but nothing fixes it! If he wants sex i gladly give t to him, but when want it, he's usually not too interested so i dont bother anymore.. then he complains. argh, men are confusing! he says he loves my affectionate ways.. bu then he gets annoyed!! Grr!! No, hes not having an affeir lol.. i know that for sure, he works 8-5 & is home on time & never goes anywhere lol... but i just wish he would iniatitae affection with me.. buy me nice stuff, give me kisses, cuddles, attention. even little things like snuggling on the couch doesnt seem to happen anymore!
Any one feel the same? Got any tips?
Has having a baby seemed to have changed the affection b/w u & partner?
Would love some advice! Its really bothering me! Cos i love...love! affection!!

Thanks

[Jas]

Hi,

Things definitely change after bubs comes! Maybe you could just talk to DH in a really simple clear way tell him how you feel and tell him what you want him to do about it, rather than saying be more affectionate make it very clear like kiss and hug you goodbye and hello when he goes and gets home from work, or buy you gifts or leave you a note once a week or whatever just clear instructions sometimes guys are a bit simple and they don't know what you actually want. best to give precise instructions because sometimes they hear the problem but don't know what you actually want. It's true we are complicated creatures!

[BellyBelly]

I know what you mean - feels like some sort of business arrangement sometimes doesn't it... you look after kids, they bring in money...

The relationships section on the main site has some goodies in there, check them out:

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/relationships

[~Belinda~]

Andee, hugs to you hun, I really hope you work it all out.

[alioops]

was he there when your DS was born? seeing your partener go through so much can be very traumatic for guys and maybe he is trying to deal with that still. it happenes more than we realise! seeing you in so much pain would have made him feel helpless and all he wanted to do was be able to make the pain go away. he may just be scared of putting you through the pain of childbirth again iykwim.

[joshysmummy]

was he there when your DS was born? seeing your partener go through so much can be very traumatic for guys and maybe he is trying to deal with that still. it happenes more than we realise! seeing you in so much pain would have made him feel helpless and all he wanted to do was be able to make the pain go away. he may just be scared of putting you through the pain of childbirth again iykwim.

Yeah, he was there. He said it was the most stressful day of his life! Seeing me in pain he said was very hard for him, and very scary. he wanted to take my pain away but couldnt! he felt helpless - exactly what you said.

We had a talk last night, things seem okay atm. He knows we are having a few issues, and we vow to work them out! I love him, we dont want to lose eachother, i guess its just hrad finding a balance sometimes, cos i like watching my shows, he doesnt so he plays xbox then i get annoyed... and then we argue over it! But we working things out!

Thanks girls.. appreciate ur help! Juts nice to 'talk' to someone.

[mummytobe_2b]

i guess its just hrad finding a balance sometimes, cos i like watching my shows, he doesnt so he plays xbox then i get annoyed... and then we argue over it! .

i just wanted to say that sounds exactly like me and my dp! lol damn xbox what with guys and video games he plays 24/7!

[stylishJ]

Hi, I'm a newbie here... I've been finding some great threads with really good advice here

I can totally relate to this one!...
My hubby never gets off his pc which he's linked to his xbox, and now his home server... computers... hope you have some luck!
I am slowly realising that the way life was is in the past is gone, this life will be different in every way it's about finding the new ways to connect with each other, the new interests you share!

Live, love, enjoy....

[AngelPunks]

I'm a little bit older - but DH & I have gone through some similar stuff. We've been married 2 1/2 years & together nearly 5.

We've decided to "go back to the beginning" - we're starting to date again, getting to know each other as individual people again (since a lot has happened since we got together - like my mother dying), so we're going on our first weekend away to just be together tomorrow (yeh I know it isn't exactly a weekend but it is for 2 days) to talk and be together.

Maybe it is time to get to re-know each other?

Good luck with it all

[smiles4u]

Hi Andee, ... Just incase for a moment you might think it could possibly be an age thing ... I can tell you it's NOT

... I'm 42 & DP is 32 (we have a 2year old), same here he is not into the same shows as me & he separates into another room to play Xbox ... Me too, I get so annoyed

I had a ' good ' serious chat with him & told him exactly how it was affecting me ... and he truely had no idea ... so, thankfully since OUR chat things have been heaps better

Andee, just tell DH every detail of how YOU feel ... AND I'm gonna lend you a big huge HUG from me for now

[onlyone]

sorry I was ready through and could not help laughing about the shows and the games part, as we often have this conversation as well

I just had what could be a silly idea but may help us all........ turn off the power at the mains, pretend their is a fault it you have to

no tv
no xbox
no computers
no interruptions

put on some candles and enjoy each others company amazing what conversations can be had when the tv is off